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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28824420">Shattered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LigeiaMaloy/pseuds/LigeiaMaloy'>LigeiaMaloy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Family Drama, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Slow Romance, Trauma, Violence, but it's still somehow 2012, changed timeline, for plot convenience, get your neck brace on my friends bc that angst and fluff back and forth might give you whiplash, post win against Shiratorizawa, pre-trainings camp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:15:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>76,495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28824420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LigeiaMaloy/pseuds/LigeiaMaloy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The afternoon was like any other - birds were singing, people chatting, and Kageyama and Hinata had another shouting match, much to their teammates' amused annoyance. </p><p>It takes one odd encounter with someone who holds a grudge to change the lives of the two squabblers forever. An encounter that almost ends deadly for one of them and could potentially end his future athletic career if he doesn't learn to adjust to his new life soon. </p><p>Kageyama and Hinata are both shaken. But Kageyama is not as lonely as he thinks but surviving a traumatic event, guilt, existential fear and hopelessness, and being an awkward teenager with feelings that go deeper than wanting to be accepted as a friend make it hard.<br/>Hinata, like on the court, is a lot stronger than anyone would assume. But whether he can become strong enough to support his friend or crumbles under the burden is something he has to figure out by himself. That, and also, he's an awkward teenager with feelings to sort out, too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah, hi? How are you all doing in this crazy world?</p><p>Talking about crazy. The holidays were exhausting and I needed something light-hearted to binge. I grew up with an old volleyball anime almost as old as my mom (nah, not quite) and thought, eh, give this one a chance. Loved it! Obviously. And as it is with all light-hearted, fun things I love, it shall be turned into drama, angst, and hurt&amp;comfort! </p><p>A few words:<br/>I watched the German dub on Netflix. German Netflix also hasn't added the newest season yet and I haven't read the manga. Which means newer events and the mangas aren't taken into account and while I check the English wikia, the way the characters talk, catchphrases, insults might not 100% match what you're used from the English version. If something sticks out too painfully, please let me know! </p><p>Tags will be added as the story progresses (there'll be sexual content but I haven't decided on the level of explicitness yet). If someone needs spoilers please message me <a href="https://ligeia-maloy.tumblr.com/">on tumblr</a> and I'll help you out. There'll be a bit of Yamaguchi/Tsukishima on the side but it won't be a big arc, hence I don't add it as a relationship tag. The tags might look gloomy but as a rule, I don't write unhappy ends for anything with more than two chapters. It's bad enough that working through tough shit doesn't guarantee a happy end in real life, so, the more poor Kageyama and Hinata suffer, the more they deserve a happy end. It's pure logic :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>A strong voice possesses the power to shatter glass.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>~</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How far the king has fallen." Tsukishima sighed towards the sky, squinting against the sun. The late summer weather had no mercy for tired muscles. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. Or maybe it was water from the shower. Who could tell for certain these days. Aside from those who had to go from one place to another, the road was empty. It was too hot for the elderly to ambush each other for new and reheated gossip. Young folks without afternoon obligations either caved up inside, in front of their electronics or kept close to bodies of water. Children screamed and laughed at the top of their voices in the distance, offensively full of energy. Birds would rest their voices and wait for dusk with their calls.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The only noise, as energetic as children playing by the pool and four times as annoying, came from the other side of the street.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We should consider a more fitting title for our wunderkind."Tsukishima sneered and pushed up his glasses, demonstratively looking the other way when Kageyama grabbed Hinata by the collar of his shirt and shook him as if there was a physical possibility to get sense into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So?" Yamaguchi smirked at him. "And what do you suggest, Tsukki?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hm. What would be appropriate for a king who doesn't want to be king any more but still can't stop yelling?" He yawned as if he couldn't be bothered even thinking of his teammates and their childish antics. Yamaguchi smiled, brushing his hair out of his face. His hair had gotten longer and he still hadn't got used to it hanging over his eyes. or to bring a hairband. A terrible mistake, considering the temperatures. He barely paid attention to the shouting match between Kageyama and Hinata. Half of the time, it was about one of them having another absurd idea that could bring their teamwork to another level. Usually, those ideas were either ridiculous for high schoolers or against the laws of physics. If it wasn't about that, it was about Kageyama scolding Hinata for not using his brain enough, if it wasn't that, it was about Hinata's weird fixation of defeating Kageyama, and if it wasn't about that, it was about something nobody really understood, probably not even those two themselves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glanced up at Tsukishima. Unlike Hinata and Kageyama, he and Tsukishima had been friends for years. They had their own dynamic, hung out together, walked together. Compared to the other two and their odd friendship - and a friendship it was, no matter how much they would protest - his and Tsukishima's friendship could be described as - tranquil. They weren't always peaceful, they had their own disagreements but real arguments were rare and on a less dramatic scale. Only once he had dared to raise his voice at Tsukishima at the training camp in Tokyo, and he still failed to imagine himself shouting at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Him, grabbing the stoic Tsukishima by his collar and giving him a good shake while screaming his thoughts into his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi bit his tongue to keep down a chuckle. His mind suddenly tried to imagine the same picture with the roles reserved. Now, that was ridiculous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima was still busy in his own world, barely taking notice of Yamaguchi walking next to him. Yamguchi grimaced. Ridiculous, yes. He'd lie, however, if the thought of shaking him wasn't tempting. For a guy this collected and intelligent, Tsukishima was sometimes painfully dense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pitchman, maybe?" Tsukishima shook his head. "No, sounds too much like baseball. Village idiot? No, too banal. Maybe..”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama shouting at Hinata at the top of his voice gave them both a start. Birds who had found refuge from the heat in the shadows of the bushes and trees around them shot into the air, shrieking in protest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, dear." Tsukishima quickly recovered his composure. "Why can't they just get a room already and leave the rest of us in peace?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What? Tsukki!" Yamaguchi laughed out loud. That kind of joke was unusual for his friend, whose humour usually drifted between cold sarcasm and sly mockery. But he stopped laughing when he noticed the frown on Tsukishima's face. Yamguchi followed Tsukishma's gaze. The rowdy pair was again at each other's throat, their faces inches away. An uncomfortable feeling began to gnaw in Yamaguchi's stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tsukki? Please, tell me you're joking."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima slowly shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Our fallen king has fallen in more than one way. I can't believe you don't see it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey! Save that tone for tomorrow's training." Grabbing that lanky idiot and giving him a good, long shake. A very tempting way to get rid of his frustrations with him without screaming at his face what he really wanted to tell him sometimes. Yamaguchi stopped in his track. His eyes widened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh! No, Tsukki, you don't really think-" But it made sense, didn't it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think, I know it. It's so obvious, it's infuriating." Tsukishima grinned, then he suddenly chuckled. "Poor, foolish king. Falling for the fool. It's almost poetic."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama and Hinata weren't the only ones who were infuriating at times but Yamaguchi kept that thought to himself. He had known Tsukishima long enough to not take his fits of aloofness personal but damn, it was hard sometimes. They had continued their walk home. Yamaguchi looked back over his shoulder. If Tsukishima was right, he felt really sorry for- he wasn't sure. For Kageyama, who was apparently even more awkward than everyone thought? For Hinata, who had no clue at all and probably believed he couldn't even breathe right in Kageyama's presence?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It must be tough," he finally said. "Always be around that one person and knowing they'll never care about you. That way." He vaguely waved his hand. This conversation was taking a weird turn but he couldn't deny he was intrigued. By the subject itself, of course, but also because Tsukishima of all people brought it up. A shame that the intersection where their ways parted was coming closer. He could imagine the look Tsukishima would give him if he asked him to hang out a bit longer to gossip about their teammates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey." He put a hand on Tsukishima's arm, stopping him from going on. "The heat is killing me. I'll treat us to ice cream, wait a second." Yamaguchi didn't wait for an answer and sprinted over to the small corner kiosk. It was nothing more than a glorified wooden cubicle that stood no chance to the heat. Two large fans were blowing the air back and forth and the clunky air conditioning vibrated under the strain of keeping sweets and snacks from melting. The icebox hummed and rumbled on the highest setting, sounding like it swallowed a swarm of angry hornets. Fortunately, there was only one other customer in front of him, a kid maybe three years younger than Yamaguchi. Neither the noise nor the owner's exhausted face invited small talk. The kid pointed at a bottle, paid, and bumped into Yamaguchi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Watch out!" he gasped, more in surprise than anger and smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Watch out yourself," the boy growled back at him and was gone before Yamaguchi could say something else. Scratching his head, he stared after him. Kids these days, he thought and suddenly felt very old.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yo!" shouted it from behind the counter, followed by something that vaguely sounded like telling him to make his purchase already. Yamaguchi stiffened; as usual, he hated it when he was called out. He quickly pointed at the ice cream chart next to him, paid, and hurried back outside. The whole trip lasted about three minutes. Tsukishima was still staring at him as if he wanted to tell him that this was a waste of time and money when Yamaguchi shoved an ice cream bar into his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh. Chocolate-covered strawberry sorbet."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi smiled weakly but he understood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're welcome." He unwrapped his ice cream sandwich. He didn't have a sweet tooth per se but salty caramel was a decent compromise. Now that he had successfully slowed down their steps, he needed to bring the conversation back to the topic. For once, the yelling behind them came in handy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If what you said is true, Kageyama better keeps his temperament under control. Hinata would run for the hills if he blurted out the truth." He kept his voice as neutral as possible, mildly amused at best. If Tsukishima thought Yamaguchi was too eager about this topic, he'd switch from talking about it to teasing him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"More like the opposite." Tsukishima bit through the chocolate coat of his ice. "Something drastic like that is the jumpstart he needs to finally grow out of his pigtails-pulling phase. It's no wonder other teams always think he's a player's little brother. He has the maturity of a kindergartener. I doubt he has ever thought past what happens after Snowwhite and the prince kissed and the credits roll."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi almost choked on his ice cream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tsukki!" he croaked. At this point, he couldn't tell what shocked him more, the revelation - Tsukishima was right, it was obvious once he knew what to look for - or that Tsukishima was talking about it so callously. For his standards, at least. Yamaguchi recovered his breath and cleared his throat. Tsukishima bit off another chunk of his treat as if they were only talking about the weather. Yamaguchi felt more and more like shaking him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really, you're talking like you're an expert on these things," Yamaguchi said dryly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not." There was a hint of defensiveness in his voice. "I told you, it's obvious. I have two eyes, that's all. Also, it's kind of funny, isn't it? Our arrogant, calculating, dethroned king who always needs to be in control of everything. And he has no clue how to deal with this force of oblivious chaos."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You are aware that aside from the whole king thing, you and Kageyama have a lot in common, aren't you?" Yamaguchi bit down on his lip but the words had been too fast.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What's that supposed to mean? I'm not like him at all!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"In all ways that matter for this conversation, you are." Yamaguchi finished his ice just when the traffic light turned green. Grateful for an escape, he quickly walked across the street.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yamaguchi! What the-! YAMAGUCHI"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi sighed. It was years too early to expect Tsukishima to run after him. Really, Tsukki mocking Hinata for being too immature to understand what's right in front of his eyes, what a joke.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Is there a reality where you aren't an annoying pest?" Hinata put his hands on Kageyama's chest and pushed him back. The yelling was ringing in his ears, from both their voices. "Because if there is, can we please switch you out?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know what's annoying?" Kageyama slapped his hands away. The angry frown distorted his features to a grimace that could scare little children. Hinata had gotten used to it since they joined Karasuno's volleyball team. Instead of scared, it only frustrated him these days.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Your face?" he retorted, keeping his hands up, ready to fight back whatever Kageyama threw at him, verbally or physically. It had been a while since their last brawl but if Kageyama decided to end their truce, Hinata was ready.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That you never listen!" Kageyama ignored the insult. "We've told you a million times! Sugawara, Tanaka, Ukai, the junior </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>senior, even Tsuikshima! Nishinoya practised with you! I told you seven times just today to lower your hips! Receiving serves with your stupid face is only funny when it doesn't cost us the match!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Come on, it wasn't seven times!" Hinata turned red, rubbing his left cheek. His jaw still hurt but at least he had been quick enough to turn his nose out of the way every time. "Maybe once or twice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I counted. And don't think it's somehow impressive that you haven't broken your nose. If you want something to brag about, start learning the basics already, idiot! Or do you always want to suck at everything that isn't jumping? Like in middle school?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm doing my best, okay?" Hinata shouted, clenching his fists. His first real game in a team and not only did they lose, they lost shamefully. Pulling up that memory was a low blow and Kageyama knew this. "So, can you please stop gloating about it? Yeah, sorry we can't all be geniuses like the great Kageyama but you know what? I'll become our team's libero before you grow a personality other than asshole! No wonder that the only one who walks  from and to training with you is me." His yelling died down to a hiss. Kageyama tensed up, his face turned pale, Hinata noticed with satisfaction. Being called a loser in one way or the other was, for some reason, his weakness and he deserved this blow. Even though, the small victory tasted stale.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If I had known you joined Karasuno I'd have found another school," Kageyama growled, his hands shaking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If I had known you'd join Karasuno I'd have helped you cheat your way into any other school. Whatever it takes to never hear your stupid voice again!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama snorted, stepping past Hinata, while yelling at him, "Too bad that you're as dumb in the classroom as you're on the court but to never have to talk to you again? I'd risk it!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fine!" Hinata shouted after Kageyama who was crossing the street to the side where his teammates had been minutes before. He didn't bother to reply or turn around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's such an idiot. Why can't he ever say something nice? Stupid Kageyama." Muttering to himself he stomped forward. He was still staring at Kageyama's back and didn't see the person in front of him until he bumped into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, sorry!" Hinata jumped back and bowed. "Please excuse me, I wasn't paying attention, it won't happen again!" He looked up and grinned. That was just a kid, about his height, but a few years younger. "Ha, sorry," he repeated, running his hand through his hair. "Hope you're okay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're Hinata. Hinata Shouyou, aren't you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Huh?" Hinata tilted his head, now really looking at the kid. He looked like an average boy, around 13 years old. Brown hair, brown eyes, set in an unfamiliar face. No, not quite. There was something about the eyes that gave him the feeling of having seen this kid before, maybe. Or maybe he just had one of those faces that always look a little familiar. He didn't wear a school uniform so that wasn't helping the matter. But Hinata was certain he didn't know him from the lower middle school classes, nor was he a sibling of his friends. Weird kid.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry, do I know you?" he asked, praying he wasn't about to hear a name he definitely should have known. For a second, he even recounted his own siblings and cousins. Nope, no result.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't get it. You always have your head in the clouds like this. How is it possible?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, come on! If I want to be nagged, I'd just have to go after Kageyama." Hinata loved meeting new people. People were interesting and there were few that weren't fun in some way. Even Kageyama, the worst guy in existence, had his moments, he begrudgingly admitted but swore he'd never do so to his face. And this kid was weird but not in a way Hinata enjoyed. Something was off about him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't get it," the kid repeated, his boyish face hard, and stuffed his fists into the front pocket of his hoodie. "How could he lose against someone like you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Eh, yeah. Why don't you ask him? Whoever you're talking about?" Hinata smiled nervously, taking a step back. This kid was beginning to creep him out. Then, suddenly, realisation hit him. It was one of the hottest days of the year, why was this guy wearing a hoodie?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Aren't y-" he started but his voice died off. He had never felt like this before. As if his whole body was screaming at him, to run, to not waste another second. Confused, Hinata stared at him. The kid stared back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How dare you defeat him and run around with that dumb smile?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, the kid's arm shot up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"SHOUYOU! NO!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything happened so fast. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Something gleamed in the sun, almost blinding me. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Suddenly, I tumbled, standing two steps away from where I just was.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kageyama stood where I had just been. I haven't seen him make a face like this before. Fear? Could it be fear?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"YAMAGUCHI! HELP! Oh shit, YAMAGUCHI! CALL THE POLICE!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"SOMEBODY, HELP!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I knew the voices. Tsukishima. Yamaguchi. So loud. And Azumane and Sugawara. We'd have walked with them until we started arguing.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Then there was blood. So, so much blood.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kageyama?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This couldn't be true.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yet, he looked at me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>His face was so white but his eyes were all wrong. What was up with that look of relief? Why, when there was blood coming out of his mouth?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima and Yamaguchi ran across the road, towards them. The others came running from behind. Coach Ukai was there, too, he had to. Hinata didn't see him but heard him shouting. Something about the police and an ambulance. People were coming out of their homes but to Hinata, they were silhouettes emerging from the shadows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kageyama?" His voice trembled. He raised a shaking hand, his fingertips an inch away from the gushing wound on Kageyama's throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"KAGEYAMA!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And then, he fell in my place.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>~</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>A strong voice possesses the power to shatter glass.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yet, nothing is as fragile as a shattered voice.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If anyone thinks this chapter is weirdly hectic and slow at the same time, just pretend it's intentional :D </p>
<p>But this chapter is necessary to set up things to come, more interactions between Kageyama and Hinata included. Soon. Maybe. Or...</p>
<p>I hope I'll have chapter 3 ready next Friday or Saturday. Thanks for reading and your support! ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They were all here. Swarmed from every direction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Right. We aren’t far from school, are we? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi was back and on his phone. Tsukishima looked strange. He yelled for coach Ukai. Tsukishima never yelled. And the coach came running, their managers, Shimizu and Yachi, right behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This is a nightmare, right? That's why nothing makes sense. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata turned his head. The strange kid was gone, like a ghost. One of those creatures that lived in nightmares. It was hot today. Did he have enough water? Training had been tough, he struggled to focus today and made more mistakes than usual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The third graders were there. Sugawara stood next to Hinata, his arm around his shoulders, shaking him. Hinata looked into his horrified face. He was talking to him but Hinata didn't hear anything. Azumane stood several steps away, pale, as if he was about to faint. Next to him, Yachi. Hinata's mouth twitched. It looked almost funny, how it was impossible to tell who supported whom from losing it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all stared to the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata couldn't.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was a nightmare. It had to be. That was the only thing that made sense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That's why it was so quiet. If this was real, they wouldn't whirl around in silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he had this thought, a barrier burst and flooded his head with white noise. Every ocean in the world was echoing through his head, disrupted by the crackling of a broken radio. Louder and louder. He put his head in his hands. It was hurting. The crescendo was deafening, turmoiling inside his brain like a chained beast, in pain, and fighting to get free.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, it stopped. The storm was over, and like a drop of rain in a silent ocean far away from this world, there was the sound of a girl crying. Clear as the day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"KAGEYAMA!" Hinata pushed Sugawara away and went to his knees. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sugawara, get him away from here!" Ukai shouted. He was kneeling on the ground, one arm behind Kageyama's back, preventing him from slumping to the ground. His other hand pressed a t-shirt against Kageyama's throat. The once white fabric was red and blood dripped off Uka's wrist. Kageyama's chest was heaving, air whistling in his throat. He stared at Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You idiot!" Hinata's voice broke. He pulled his shirt over his head and pressed it on Ukai's hand. "You can't do this, you hear me, Kageyama? Don't do this?" The words ended in an abrupt hiccup as a violent sob threatened to choke him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The ambulance will be here any moment." Shimizu handed her phone to Yamaguchi. She was pale but her face didn't move. If it weren't for the slight tremor of her hands, she'd have appeared as calm as any day. She, too, knelt down, behind Kageyama, holding him upright and allowing Ukai to remove his hand and to focus on the wound. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shimizu, you shouldn't be-" the coach started but she shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's okay. We need to make sure he stays awake until the ambulance arrives. Be careful with the pressure. Too much might rupture more tissue." She lifted her head and sighed. "Hinata, I really think you should stay with Hitoka and Azumane."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not leaving. This is all my fault. I-" A cold, shaking hand wrapped around his arm, weakly pressing it before it slid down. "Kageyama…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at Hinata through half-closed eyes, faintly moving his head, failing to shake it. He moved his lips but all that came was an unsettling sound from his throat. New, bright red blood sputtered from his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't talk," Shimizu ordered firmly. "And don't move, okay? Everything will be okay, you hear me?" The last words were as much directed at Hinata as to Kageyama. Or anyone else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Ukai had pulled his blood-soaked shirt away and replaced it with Hinata's, which quickly looked as bad as the other. Hinata's fingers clawed into the fabric, as if it took him all his willpower to stop himself from holding the wound together with his bare hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>People had come out of their houses, ready to rant about the noise but their curiosity got the better of them when none of the young folks paid any attention to them. They formed an outer circle around them and their friends. Sugawara was still trying to talk to Hinata and to convince him to stay back but his voice slowly faded away. The nightmarish silence had returned. Only here and there, words managed to get through him. Voices asking what happened. Who did this?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima was one of the few who had seen something. "I don't really know why I Iooked back," he explained in a monotonous tone that was stoic even for him. "I think because it was so quiet all of a sudden, when they stopped arguing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bile rose from Hinata's stomach, burning in the back of his throat. Yes, they had argued. They argued all the time! How was he supposed to know this would happen? If he had known he'd...he had no idea what he would have done! Worse, he had already forgotten what they argued about!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And there was this kid," Tsukishima continued. "I haven't seen him before but he was weird. But before I could think much about it, he pulled something from his pocket and then, Kageyama was already there. It happened so fast...I didn't even see the knife before it got his…" His voice trailed off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>People asked more questions but Hinata stopped caring. He wiped tears from his face, not noticing that both his hands were covered in blood and left red marks across his cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Stay, okay?" Hinata whispered between sobs. "We still have a score to settle, remember?" He tried to force a smile. Kageyama's skin was beginning to look ashen, his lips turned slowly blue under the drying blood. "Hey! Hey! Not like this, you hear me? You can't leave me here just like this!" Hinata gently slapped Kageyama's face when his eyes rolled up. "Please, don't…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd dispersed when the ambulance arrived. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata was never able to recall what happened from here. Unknown voices shouted and he was half pushed, half pulled away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No! Leave me alone, I need to be here! Let me go!" He struggled against the hands. He yelled, hissed, kicked, and the last thing he remembered was a sting in his arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He woke up in a room he hadn't seen before. His head hurt. He was dizzy and nauseous on his stomach. This didn't want to fit how he had been feeling only seconds before at all. Everything had been so peaceful and empty. As if he had been soaring through a blue sky without even a single cloud. Nowhere to come from, nowhere to be. Just. Be. Light and calm and free of thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Weird dream." He flinched and rubbed his eyes, the headache becoming worse as he slowly sat up. He had been sleeping on a cot, in a brightly painted room with several others like his. A few other people were still asleep, some attached to an IV. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, you're awake."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata's head spun around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Trainer Ukai," he managed to say before he pressed his jaws together, pushing down the urge to throw up. Ukai looked tired. He was still wearing the same clothes as he did in the gym, only now they were covered in dark stains. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kageyama! How is he?" The memories were back. Hinata forgot about the sick feeling on his stomach as one much, much worse overcame him. He tried to jump up but with two long steps, Ukai was by his side and pushed him back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Easy, Hinata." He only gave a tired smile when Hinata glared at him. "He is alive."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He is?" Three words. Hinata laughed nervously. "Is he really? Coach, is he okay? Can I see him?" He grabbed Ukai's wrists, his short nails digging into his skin while, at the same time, he tried to push him away. His body was shaking. He was as exhausted as his coach looked and his body screamed for a rest. But his heart was hammering in his chest and his thoughts were racing, and something even more primitive urged him to fight everything that stood between him and his friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, he is awake?" A new voice joined them. It belonged to a woman well past her forties. Her hair was more grey than black and held together in a braid in an unusual youthful style for a woman her age. She wore the uniform of a nurse and was carrying a tray with a teapot, mug, and a small plate with cookies. "Everything alright, Mr. Ukai? Should I call the doctor?" She nodded at Hinata who promptly let go of Ukai and sat down quietly on his cot. She glanced sceptically at him while she put the tray on a small table next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No, he's fine." Ukai sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. "Given the circumstances. He doesn't need more."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>More-what?</span>
  </em>
  <span> But Hinata bit his tongue. He didn't trust that nurse. No, that wasn't it. He didn't believe she was up to anything bad. But he was slowly beginning to put the fragments together and acting out now would only make things more difficult for him. Or, in other words, he needed to go to Kageyama as quickly as possible and that would be easier without her or any doctor in the way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good. Make sure he drinks something and eats a bit. That should settle his stomach and nerves. Aren't his parents here yet?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm right here, you can ask me! Don't act like I'm invisible! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hinata wanted to scream. At her, at Ukai, at the people quietly sleeping behind him as if nothing had happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"They’re on their way." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally satisfied, the nurse left. Hinata fought hard to sit still during their exchange and at least, he managed to not jump up again. Ukai waited until the nurse was out of sight and earshot and sighed. Then, he leaned forward and put his hands on Hinata’s shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what you want to say, Hinata, but listen to me first, it’s important.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata opened his mouth and closed it again, biting down on his bottom lip. Nothing was more important than getting to Kageyama and making sure he was okay but when his coach talked firmly to him like this, he better did as he was told. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama is still undergoing surgery. Even if you knew where to find him you couldn’t see him right now, let alone do anything. Do you understand?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The grip around Hinata’s shoulders tightened. Furious as he was, it helped him to go against his instinct long enough for the words to sink in. He calmed down a bit but was still tense. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s serious, isn’t it?” he whispered, giving Ukai a hard stare. Coach or not, he better did not lie to him. Ukai understood and nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very but I can’t tell you more. Don’t look at me like that. I simply know. Hinata, we aren’t Kageyama’s family. We aren’t even supposed to know he’s a patient. We are lucky to know he lives. From what I’ve been told, the odds are good that it’ll stay this way. But again, we are not supposed to know. Do you understand, Hinata?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” He shook his head. Not to express any disagreement but he had to get the thoughts in order somehow. He barely understood where exactly he was, or how he got here. If he understood how he ended up in this room maybe everything would make more sense. He looked down on his hands. He raised them, having a closer look. They were clean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Blood. There had been so much blood…” His pants were clean, too, and so was his shirt. It was also unusually big. He pulled it away from his chest. He didn’t know the print. “This isn’t my shirt.” He jerked up his head and growled at Ukai. “I said, this isn’t my shirt! What is going on here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Calm down, for fuck’s sake!” Ukai nervously glanced to the door. Nobody came. “Listen for two minutes and I’ll fill you in. Okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata pressed his jaws together and didn’t say anything, didn’t even nod. His hands were clawing into the shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You do remember what happened? The attack? When the ambulance came you had a breakdown and tried to get in the way of the paramedics. Nothing got through to you and stop you from harming yourself or anyone else. They sedated you and brought to the same hospital. This is the recovery room. Your vitals were down to normal and they decided to let you wake up here, for now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” He looked around. He hadn’t been in a hospital for years, the last time when Natsu, his little sister, had broken her arm. He hadn’t seen a room like this before. He looked at the sleeping patients. “What do you mean, for now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re calm, you can go home with your parents later. If you flip out, you’ll get another dose and stay in an isolated room for the night. And tomorrow, they’d evaluate you, whether it’s better to let you go home or to the psych ward.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Psych- Coach Ukai-!” He stopped himself, exhaled, and lowered his voice. “I’m not crazy or something! I’m just worried because my dumbass friend almost died protecting me as if he was some noble knight, that idiot!” He paused again, this time, to stop himself from sobbing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the point, Hinata.” Ukai let go of Hinata’s shoulders and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. He glanced at the “No Smoking” sign at the wall and sighed, but kept playing with the pack to keep his fingers busy. “What you’ve been through is still a highly traumatic situation, even if you weren’t injured. You are probably still in shock. If you need help-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need help. Not now,” Hinata quickly added. His brain mercifully blurred the details of the memory and even without clearly remembering the gaping wound, the blood, and the look Kageyama gave him, he feared he’d never be able to fully shake off the horror he was feeling deep in his heart and bones. But he had to pull himself together. He had to see Kageyama as soon as he got out of surgery!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I take your word for it and trust you to reach out when it’s getting too much.” Ukai sighed again. Hinata didn’t miss the “when.” When. Not if. “Anyway,” Ukai continued. “Your clothes are ruined. Yamaguchi had a spare pair of slacks and the shirt’s Tanaka’s.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That explains a lot.” He pulled the saggy sides of the shirt, a hint of a smile on his face. He could count on them all and that they didn’t hesitate to help him out warmed his heart. He was grateful for his team, especially for being there and acting when he couldn’t do more than standing in the way. “If it hadn’t been for them, and you, he’d have died. If it had been only me, he’d be dead now.” His mouth twitched, he didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or scream. “If it hadn’t been for me at all, nothing of this would have happened and he’d be okay.” He buried his face in his hands, trying in vain to force back the tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you think like that! Don’t you ever think like that!” Ukai shook him gently. “I understand you’re scared but nothing of this was your fault. Whoever this guy was, it’s all on him, not one bit on you! Hinata.” Ukai’s tone switched so abruptly from gentle to formal, it pulled Hinata out of his self-pity. “Do you know who it was?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata shook his head. “No. I wondered if I did before he- but no. I thought he kinda looked familiar when I squinted but I swear I don’t know anyone like him around that age.” Hinata frowned, trying to recall the face. To his surprise, he saw it clearly. The scowl, the shaggy brown hair, the brown eyes. Just a normal kid. So normal, he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to recognize him if their paths crossed again. Until he pulled that knife. After this, he’d recognize him anywhere, even among a hundred clones with the same average hair and face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see.” Ukai had pulled a cigarette from the pack after all and twirled it between his fingers. “There’s another reason why I want you to remain calm, Hinata. The police are already waiting for you to wake up and your parents to arrive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The police?” Hinata tilted his head. He didn’t care about the police and if he was honest, he didn’t care about his parents either. Not right now. First, he had to talk to Kageyama, make sure he was all right and would be back on the court, soon. Then, he’d endure whatever insult Kageyama had to throw at him without arguing back. Once things were back to normal, he’d have time to talk with his family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ukai gave a little laugh. “Hinata, you were attacked by some kid who had it really in for you, putting it mildly. Of course the police got involved. You do want the kid to be caught, don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, of course!” He blushed. How embarrassing that he hadn’t thought of that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The police wants to speak with you but as you’re a minor, your parents need to be present. The nurse will be back with a doctor soon and ask you the same - do you think you can handle that right now? If you don’t, it can wait until tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata grimaced. He could handle it but he didn’t want to waste more precious time. No, helping the police to find and punish that asshole that hurt Kageyama wasn’t a waste of time but he wasn’t even sure if he could help them. And what if his parents insisted on taking him home once they were done talking? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata, Shouyou?” Another nurse popped her head through the door. “Ah, here you are! Your parents are here! Can you walk?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure.” His knees were wobbly and he felt like he’d never regain full control of his balance but he stayed on his feet. He glanced back at Ukai. He had more questions, ranging from how Ukai knew about Kageyama being alive when he shouldn’t to where he could wait for him without risking to miss him. He considered asking the nurse if he could have another ten minutes but when his mother cried out his name and pulled him into her arms, he was glad he didn’t. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I can do this. I can help us win. Let me back on the court, Coach! Coach?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trainer Ukai wasn't there. Neither was Shimizu. The bench was empty. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He turned his head. Yamaguchi was gone, too, along with everyone else waiting for their chance to play. He raised his head and the noise, the chatter, and cheers, they faded as he looked at the empty gallery. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where...?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked a few times. There wasn't a gallery or a bench. Was he this early? He had to be. Apparently, he was also still half asleep, why else would he think they were in the middle of their match against Shiratorizawa? Kageyama grinned as he sprinted towards the net. This time, he hadn't won their daily race to the gym by just a few steps. He looked back over his shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The gym door was half-open but no light came in. Odd. It was summer and he'd certainly remember if he went to school before sunrise. He also didn't remember the weather being this bad. He shrugged it off. It was summer, after all, and no summer was complete with at least one unexpected storm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But was it really that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An odd feeling overcame him as he stared at the darkness behind the door. As if it shouldn't be. No, almost as if he shouldn't be. Not here, not now. He shook his head and turned away. He should have gone to bed sooner yesterday. They were training hard lately, often long after the club activities for the day finished. Only to rise long before they started in the morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He walked along the net, his fingers running over the meshes. His steps echoed through the hall. It was the only noise. And it was cold today. His arm was heavy when he tried to wipe cold sweat off his forehead, so heavy that he let go of the thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wondered who the kid was. He didn't remember seeing his face before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He halted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Whose face? What kid? HINATA!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He jerked around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was still alone in the middle of the court. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A shrill noise made him flinch. He turned to the net. Nothing there. His hand was clenching to the net, his knuckles white. His whole arm was shaking. Why was it so cold?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There, that noise again! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ugh!" His knees suddenly turned wobbly. He could barely stay on his feet. His whole body was shaking. The noise got louder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>HINATA! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you okay, Shouyou?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Listen. It’s not your fault. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked a few more times. Hinata was late, nothing else. No, no, that wasn't right. Something wasn't right at all but before he could hold on to that thought, he collapsed on his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The net was spinning above him. He was dizzy, as if he hadn't slept in weeks. It didn't stop. He closed his eyes but it was too late. His stomach turned and his body was convulsing. Bile shot up his throat and it hurt. It hurt so bad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened his eyes. The gym was gone, everything was white and painful. The noise was back. And back. And back. Bright and loud and getting faster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where is he, where is Hinata? Is he okay? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama had crossed the street when he caught a glimpse of a short figure approaching Hinata. He scoffed. Probably another of Hinata's stupid fans, about to launch one of those annoying speeches about how inspiring he was, with his powerful attacks and high jumps. Yes, sure, they were right but why didn't they understand that the flattery wasn't good for him? He could be so much better. If he only worked harder on mastering the basics. He had the talent and the grit to join him on the professional courts in the future. But whenever he was about to improve, some dolt had to tell him how amazing he is and the vain idiot lost all focus. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stopped. He didn't mean to listen and barely understood them anywhere but something about this guy's tone didn't sit right with him. But it was the wariness and confusion in Hinata's voice that made him turn around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sprinted across the street before his mind had time to question him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This wasn't possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things like this didn't happen just like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>SHOUYOU! NO! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew what it was before his eyes saw the knife. Or maybe they had seen it and there wasn't enough time for his brain to turn the fragments that pieced together reality into an image. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn't matter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn't matter that he'd die as long as- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"H-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes darted from left to right and back. A bright ceiling lamp blinded him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"H-" Why couldn't he call him? Why wouldn't his name come out?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That loud, beeping noise, it was driving him insane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"H-" He tried to inhale but his airways were blocked. His throat cramped in an attempt to cough and it hurt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you awake? Blink twice if you can hear me." A deep voice spoke down to him. He looked up, trembling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Faces. Covered faces. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pressure on his throat, as if someone was strangling him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something blocked his nose and burnt all the way down in his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sharp, short pains stung his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to shove the faces away but his arms didn't move.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why can't I move? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where am I?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where is he?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Help me!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is he okay?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Somebody! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There, there. You're safe. Tobio, right? Everything will be fine but you have to stop moving."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes wide, he looked from one face to the other. Someone was still talking to him but the voices were drowned out by the constant beeping. Loud. Faster. Maddening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This won't do. Miss Yukino, I need-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Let me go! Help! What is this? I need to-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not one word. All he heard was the muttering of voices, the beeping of a monitor, and a hoarse gargle from his throat that he more felt than hurt. Pain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to swallow and cough out simultaneously whatever it was that blocked his nose, mouth, and throat but there was only more of that searing pain. He tried to get away but someone pushed him down. Hands grabbed his arms and held them in place no matter how much he twisted and turned. His eyes rolled up and the last thing he saw before was a knife swinging at his throat.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Before writing the first chapter: I'm gonna take this one easy and fun and keep the chapters short. People like short chapters. Give people what they like.</p><p>All chapters from here: LOL</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hinata! No running!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The warning came too late. His eyes staring ahead, Hinata didn’t see the door to his right open. He crashed into Mr. Takeda, the impact bringing both of them down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, my fault,” he muttered, grabbed his bag, and was already back on his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait a second, Hinata.” His back hurt a little from hitting the door frame but he managed to stand up without flinching. “I’ve barely seen you lately. How are you?” He gave his student a warm, open smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, I’m fine.” Hinata grinned back and bowed. “I apologize, Mr. Takeda. No running in the corridors and I should have looked where I’m going. I hope you didn’t get hurt because of me?” There was a wary tone to the last question. Hinata’s cheeks, flushed from running until a moment ago, went back to pale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing happened, don’t worry, please.” Mr. Takeda stretched his arm and twisted his back. “See? Everything is okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hinata’s smile became thinner and Mr. Takeda held back a sigh. For this kid, nothing had been okay since that day. He hadn’t missed training and worked hard, he even practised his defence more seriously than usual. But even if Mr. Takeda hadn’t learned anything about volleyball since he became the team’s faculty advisor, he’d have noticed the missing spark in Hinata’s eyes. Not just there but also in his movements. He was still fast, there was nothing to say about his reflexes or how he worked with the rest of his time. But it was always like a part of him just wasn’t there anymore. His eyes always were tired and Mr Takeda was sure he lost weight. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Was it surprising, though? This poor child was going through rough times after surviving a nightmare. If he could only help him. But there wasn’t much he could do. Hinata went through his school days with a friendly, tired smile and shook his head every time he was offered to sit and talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please take it easy today, Hinata,” he finally said. “There isn’t any practice scheduled today for that reason. You heard your coach. No voluntary extra training either. You’ve all worked hard. Your body is still young and growing but you can’t soar if you exhaust your wings.” He pushed up his glasses and laughed a little when Hinata tilted his head. “If I catch you running or with a ball today, I know one or two colleagues who’ll gladly give you an extra course on muscle tears and regeneration.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, no, thanks, I understand! No training, no running. In the corridors. Got it!” He reacted with the same disgust any student would react at the prospect of additional schooling, bowed again, and left, in a carefully slow tempo that almost looked funny from behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Mr. Takeda allowed himself to sigh. He knew it wasn’t just the usual student laziness that convinced Hinata to listen for once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Takeda, do you have a minute?” Two of the third graders, Sugawara and Azumane, walked up to him. They, too, looked down the corridor where Hinata disappeared behind a corner. And quickly went back to running, no doubt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s on his way to the hospital, isn’t he?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two students nodded. “Every day since,” Sugawara said. He, too, was a little paler than usual lately, and quieter. Azumane, on the other hand, seemed to engage and chat more with his teammates lately. Mr. Takeda smiled up at the serious face. He had always looked older than his age and often intimidated younger students by his sheer size. It had gotten worse lately whenever he was by himself and a brooding shadow fell over his face. Yes, what happened would affect all of them for a long while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard they kicked him out the other day,” Azumane added. “He’d go in the morning, before our early practice, and be in the way of the nurses who finally told him to stay away outside the visiting hours.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mr. Takeda nodded. He had heard the story from Ukai who also hadn’t been too happy about Hinata’s early trips to the hospital. Not only because his performance would suffer sooner or later but he was certain that Hinata wasn’t getting enough sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This can’t go on forever. He’ll break if he goes on like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sugawara sighed. “But you know him. He’d rather break than give up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A gentle breeze moved the white curtains. They had been pulled apart just enough to reveal the deep blue sky. It was another sunny day. One of those that were unbearably hot around noon but perfect in the early morning hours when the sun wasn’t fully up yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, midsummer would come to an end and the mornings were going to be too cold for shorts and t-shirts, with noons too hot for long sleeves, and moving in the afternoon would leave everyone drenched in sweat. And few things would feel as good as a hot shower in the chilly evenings.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How many days have gone by?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hard floor of the gym. The asphalt of the roads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to run so badly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you are awake, that’s good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama turned his head away from the window when the nurse came in and stared at the ceiling. Today was Wednesday, wasn’t it? Two more days until the doctor came with the same old story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your friend is waiting outside. Again. He came right after school to see you,” she chattered brightly while taking his vitals but Kageyama had heard enough of that chatter to hear a subtle strain in her voice. He had dubbed it the Hinata Strain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want to see him?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. It wasn’t as painful anymore as it used to be but he didn’t push it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell him,” she said, rather briskly. Kageyama pulled a face. She was probably tired of delivering the same message day after day but that wasn’t his problem. He was tired of being asked. How hard could it be to tell him to stay the hell away from him? How hard could it be to get the message and not come anymore? He’d have laughed if it didn’t hurt so much with the stitches and the tubes in his throat. He could grab Hinata personally and throw him out of the window and he would refuse to get the message. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had caught a glimpse of him the other day, when they wheeled him to another floor for ultrasounds. Hinata had occupied several chairs of the waiting area with his homework, writing and studying while stuffing his face with overpriced snacks from the kiosk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama rolled his eyes. He’d give anything for one of those stupidly overpriced snacks. They had assured him he’d be ready to try soft foods soon but he found it hard to believe. He could barely sit up without help or breathe without assistance. There hadn’t been a night he didn’t wake up several times, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Food. That was so - normal. Could there really be a way back to anything normal? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s also another visitor on the way. Hopefully, one that will cheer you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in days, he turned to look at her. Another visitor?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata bowed his head over his English book, nibbling on an apple while he tried to read the words without forgetting them right away. To his teacher’s surprise, his grammar had improved, thanks Yachi. But he had still a hard time to hammer irregular verbs into his head, let alone all those new words that felt like a hundred. Not that he cared much about learning these days but he had noticed that the nurses left him alone when he quietly pored over a school book. Also, getting his homework done saved him from troubles with his teachers. Now that he was banned from the hospital during early and late hours, he couldn’t afford afternoon detention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stretched his arms and back. These chairs were hell. Really, was this a way to treat worried friends of sick people? Or did they put up those plastic nightmares especially for him, hiding the comfortable seats for other visitors? He scowled at the apple in his hand and tossed it into the trash can by the wall. Yeah, he wasn’t totally stupid, no matter what certain people claimed. He knew he wasn’t welcome and that feeling sucked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glared into the general direction of Kageyama’s room. All he wanted was to apologize. For everything. Kageyama was such an asshole for not even giving him a chance. Yeah, sure, Hinata accepted that he couldn’t talk to him while he was in the ICU. That made sense but also, it had been the nurse’s and doctor’s decision. But he had been out for a while and his refusal to talk to him was just unfair. It hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I understand that you never want to see my face again after this. But screw you, Kageyama. One minute. One minute to tell you I’m sorry. Please, let me have that and I won’t ask for anything ever again! But I need that! How else am I supposed to move on from this?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He ground his teeth until his jaws hurt. His shoulders trembled. That damn apple, why did he throw it away that soon? If he had it now he’d hurl it against the wall with enough force to turn it into apple sauce. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The staff didn’t pay any attention to him but visitors walking by gave him a confused look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He inhaled slowly and pretended to focus on the book in his lap. Heels clicked closer but he didn’t look up even when they stopped right in front of him. He hadn’t done anything wrong, they couldn’t kick him out for thinking of tossing stuff when he was reading quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, kid? Helloooo?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t a voice he was familiar with and in spite of himself, he raised his eyes. He blinked. He could bet he had seen this woman before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was tall and older than him, in her twenties probably. Her glossy black hair ended at her jawline and was styled to a messy bob with slicked-back bangs. He didn’t know anything about fashion and makeup so all he could think of to describe her was expensive, mature, and a little intimidating. Her face was stern and there was a familiar impatient expression in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Floor 3, wing A, room 9, do you know where it is? I’d have asked a nurse but there’s nobody at the reception.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata jumped up, the book dropped to the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s Kageyama’s room!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman’s eye widened as she took a step back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you know my brother?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata almost lost his voice. “Brother?” he managed to press out. “He has a sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously.” She sounded a little tired but smiled. Hinata looked again at her face. So that was why she seemed familiar. Now that he knew he saw it. Their hair and eye shape were similar and they were both tall. Her eyes were brown, though, and her friendly smile didn’t scare the crap out of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was busy with work and didn’t see the calls or I would have come sooner. I was relieved to hear that he’s healing well. Anyway.” Her face changed back to that unmoved expression that Hinata began to believe was a family feature. “As you know him, is this the right way or not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata nodded and pointed behind her. “Down the corridor, left turn, second room on the left. There should be a nurse with him right now, if you hurry, you’ll catch her, too.” It took all of his willpower to not beg her to take him with her. He quickly considered asking her to deliver a message but decided against it. What he had to say needed to be said in person. He had to look him straight into the face, apologize, and ask for his forgiveness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was hard to look after her as she strutted down the corridor while he had to stay behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door that had just closed opened again. It was the same nurse, he recognized her steps. Kageyama didn’t bother to turn his eyes away from the window. She probably forgot something. But she walked straight to his bed and gently touched his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a visitor, Kageyama. No, it’s not your friend, I won’t let him in here unless you change your mind.” Torn between relief and confusion over her tender, almost pitiful voice he turned his head to the door and froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Miwa!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She stayed by the door and watched silently while the nurse adjusted his bed and helped him to sit up. His sister stared back at him, her face blank aside from a hint of a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good you’re here,” the nurse said to her. Kageyama flinched, he hadn’t heard her use a brisk tone like this before and she might as well have added “Finally!” given how clearly it was hanging in the air. She pulled the side table close enough for Kageyama to easily reach the paper on top and put a pen in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s using those to communicate for now. I’ll tell the doctor you’re here. He has some documents to sign for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The siblings waited until she had left the room, both sighing when they were alone. Miwa pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. She took her phone out of her bag, checked the screen, and put it back. It happened so quickly, it was impossible to tell whether she thought she could get away with it without Kageyama noticing or if it was a habit she barely noticed anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.” She looked around, nodding approvingly at the paintings at the wall and the large flatscreen TV. “It’s a surprisingly nice room for a hospital. I’ve stayed in worse motels. I guess grandfather did the right thing after all, with that insane insurance policy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama shrugged. It was a room and he didn’t have to share it, he didn’t care about anything else. He lifted his hand to scribble on the paper, hating how the IV needle moving under his skin felt. He held up the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Work?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and relaxed. Kagayama resisted rolling his eyes at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t go better!” She leaned forward, her face bright and cheerful as she smiled widely. “I thought I’d be stuck painting bridezilla faces for the rest of my life but then, the father of a groom and I got talking, and he’s part of a team that has worked for a few TV productions. He recommended me to fill an open position and I’ve been working on a show since March. The show paused over summer but we had several intense weeks working on promo pictures and trailers. And it gets even better! When the next season wraps, I was offered to work at a spin-off, which is going to be filmed in Milan next year. Italy! Can you imagine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He listened with calm patience that would have shocked Hinata and he would have done so under any other circumstances. He wasn’t surprised at all. She’d always been driven, stubborn, and she wasn’t ugly. No wonder she managed to get her foot into the TV industry. He had half expected her being hired as an actress to be the big twist. Good for her. He didn’t really care but it was good she was happy. Shitty timing, sure, but that hadn’t put a damper on her enthusiasm and that was good, too. Probably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t make that face, Tobio.” She stroked his cheek but he pulled away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Face?] he scribbled down and frowned. He didn’t make a face, what kind of face was there to make anyway? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re angry with me, because I didn’t come sooner. And I’m so, so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[It’s okay. Only been ten days.] Not that he expected her to run to his side and mother him. She’d never been the mothering type and he had never been one who handled being mothered well. The thought of having her by his bedside every day, for hours, was more unsettling than comforting. But still. But still! He almost died. Twice!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fourteen days,” she said in such a rueful tone that he actually believed her that she was sorry. But had it really been two weeks already?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it was my fault but not my choice. I was so busy, I forgot to update the documents with my new number and I hadn’t used that old email in ages. I was cleaning my computer at home before leaving for the next trip, that’s when I learned was happened. I came as soon as I could get a few days off work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[it’s okay,] he wrote again. She didn’t lie, he appreciated that. That she came at all and didn’t just leave a few messages for him was already more than he’d have expected under less extreme circumstances. She didn’t mention how long it took her to get off work and he didn’t ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m also sorry about the mess with the second surgery. I swear, had I seen the message sooner, I’d agreed to it at once.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flinched, suddenly very aware of the pressure in and around his throat. That had been a scary night, almost as bad as the first few times he had woken up after the first surgery. They had performed it anyway, on the insistence of himself and his doctor, so all was well that ended well. His jaws hurt from pressing them together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What exactly had happened anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Infection. Sepsis. No big deal. I’m fine. Can take care of myself.] As if the doctors didn’t explain it to her in their message or on the phone when she finally called back. But there was nothing to gain from arguing with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Tobio. I really am sorry.” She sighed and stood up to give him a quick hug. He let her, hating how nice it felt. She sat down again and fell silent. He couldn’t think of anything else to say either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was the point, anyway? She apologized and that was good but she also was who she was. His fingers played with the pen. He ignored the pain from the needle, wondering if there was anything he wanted to ask her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voices came from the corridor, accompanied by hasty footsteps that quickly faded into the distance. The news report flickered on the muted TV and the host was moving his lips to the steady hum of the air conditioning. The tip of the pen clicked a few times on the table. Fabric rustled when Miwa checked her phone again. She put it in her lap and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to us, Tobio? We used to get along so well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[?] Yes, they did, when he was little. It had been fun having an older sister. She seemed so grown up even then, even when they still played together. But that wasn’t surprising, with eight years between them. He regretted it when she grew cold and distant in her later teens but accepted it as a given. He couldn’t imagine entertaining an eight-year-old, especially one with different interests. Fancy, though, that she’d express a similar regret. Was it possible that she really didn’t understand why this had been a natural development?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were such a cute kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, no, please, no. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bright, fun to have around. Yeah, I had fun bragging with my smart baby brother.” She laughed and to his dismay, he had enough memories of her carrying him around when he was a toddler to have a clear image of what she meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Fun playing,] he wrote, hoping to steer her into a different direction. She understood what he meant and her smile dropped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, it was fun for a while. Who’d have thought that you’d get obsessed with volleyball before you could spell your name? No wonder grandfather was so delighted with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was that tone again. Last time he heard it - three years ago? Four? - they had argued and no matter what he had said, she insisted on leaving their home for good and giving their grandfather all the time and space he wanted to raise his favourite child. As much as he hated to admit it, looking back, she got a point. And maybe he should apologize and tell her how unfair it was and that her path is amazing, too, and that grandfather loved her. He should try harder to comfort her. He, the younger brother who almost got murdered and almost died a second time a few days later because his guardian couldn’t be arsed to keep her contact info updated while she painted other people’s faces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Not my fault] he managed to write before his fingers closed around the pen so fiercely, he almost broke it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at the words, then at him for a moment. She didn’t smile but something softened in her face, making her look unusually mature. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. You were just a kid. Still are.” She put a hand on his. “I’m sorry, Tobio. Don’t think I don’t like you, that’s not it. It’s just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are who you are. You had your thing to do and there’s no room for me in your life. I know. And I don’t think either of us would be happy if you’d moved back after his death. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He shuddered at the thought. A few things would have been easier without having to send paperwork and documents back and forth all the time but that was a small price to pay. He knew what she meant. He didn’t dislike her either, not at all. She’d always be his big sister. But if they weren’t related, they’d probably never talked again after she moved to another city and he reached his teens. Not because they dislike each other. Because they didn’t have enough in common to stay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Not your fault either]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” She smiled with relief and tightened her grip around his hand. “Still, I’ll try to be a better sister. I’ll call work and tell them I won’t come back for a few weeks. Two. I’ll go see where your doctor is right now and apologize to him, too.” She stood up and hugged him a second time. She didn’t sit down again. “And I’ll come to see you tomorrow, promise!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a sceptical look. [Really?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really.” She nodded firmly. “I got to put a few things right between us and I think there’s a lot to talk about.” Her eyes shining with resolve, she strutted towards the door. Before she opened it, she turned to him again. “And if you ever need to cover </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> up-” She gestured vaguely at her throat, at the area where bandages covered his scars. “I’ll teach you how to do it in a way that’ll fool every girl. Promised!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled weakly and waved after her. He hadn’t needed that last bit. How the wound felt was horrible enough, he didn’t want to think of looking at it. He put his fingers against the bandages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d never go away, would they? They’d always be there, marking him, reminding him of how he lost it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slammed the pen on the table and covered his eyes with his hands, a wave of disgust rolling through him when he accidentally touched one of the tubes that went into his nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Calm down, calm down, calm down. She’ll be back tomorrow. Talk. I’m not alone. It will be fine!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t remember the last time he had been so glad to see her and he couldn’t wait for her to return, even though they both were who they were and nothing would change that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her pretty face looked like a storm brewing behind the horizon when she frowned at her phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One week. Two weeks. One week. Two weeks. But really, wouldn’t ten days be more than enough? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She typed “ten days” and deleted the words again, Dr. Shimizu’s voice still ringing in her ears. Yeah, she understood, it was shitty that they couldn’t reach her and she already felt shitty about herself. Tobio was a good kid, even likeable for a kid, let alone a teen in what should be his bratty years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her neck hair rose when she thought of him in his bed. She hadn’t been aware he had grown so much yet, he looked so fragile between the hospital sheets. His face pale and a little gaunt, the tubes, the needles. She hated needles.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. Poor kid.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Miwa shuddered. What a crazy story. She knew Tobio, unless he could slap a volleyball around he was a quiet, somewhat weird kid. Why on earth someone would attack him was beyond her. Horrible. Thank good he was recovering as well as could be hoped, given the circumstances.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed and switched from her unfinished text to her calendar. She also had to contact the police. More documents to sign. Tobio was doing such a good job, she couldn’t wait for him to turn 18 and take care of that legal stuff himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But nothing could be done about that for now and she could only hope that her boss would be understanding. Once she found the right words to explain that, technically, she wasn’t as uncommitted as she had told him, that there was a younger sibling, a minor, and she kinda was his guardian, on paper, but no worries, it’s just a few signatures every now and then…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She growled and put her phone away, only to get it out of her bag a few seconds later. Dammit, people just didn’t understand this thing. Her family was different, they had a different dynamic than others, and different ways to take care of each other. Namely, they had always been very able to take care of themselves, no interference needed. And certainly no judgement from people who just didn’t get it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you expect,” she hissed at the name of her boss in her contact list. “That I put my life on hold to take care of a teenage boy? Watch him follow his dreams while I put mine on the back burner? That’s not fair! I didn’t screw around without protection, why should I suffer the consequences?” She felt bad as she said it. Not her fault, not his fault either. Not even grandfather’s fault. Life just sometimes sucked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Family emergency, will try to come back asap. Call you once I’m back at the hotel!] Sent. The reply came almost instantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Understood. Hope you can return soon, you're missed! Talk to you later.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed back her hair and snorted. Good, that would buy her a few hours to come up with an explanation and a plan. She’d definitely stay a few days, she had promised him. The poor boy must be lonely, without any family around and after what he had been through, he deserved her undivided attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tobio is my brother and I love him. In a way. In a good way! Dammit!” She growled at the door in front of her. Caring wasn’t exactly their family’s mojo but she did worry and wanted to help. She’d do the right thing, make sure he’d get better, and go back to her career as soon as she was sure he was healthy and safe enough to do his own thing again. Yes, that sounded like a good plan, something a good, successful sister would do for her little brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But for now, she had to get out of this damn hospital. The sterile atmosphere was depressing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tore the main door open and almost bumped into a guy who was just about to walk in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have eyes, you- Oh!” She stepped back. “Haven’t I seen you before? You are one of Tobio’s friends from school, aren’t you?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lots of Oikawa in this and the next chapter but I promise, he won't hog the story forever!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Oh?” His frown instantly changed into a glowing smile. He ran his fingers through his brown hair and tilted his head coyly. “What is that? My dear Tobio knows such a pretty lady and never introduced me to her?” He closed the door behind him and pretended to lean against the glass. “Seems like I underestimated his, uh, unique charisma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pretty lady’s dark frown looked concerningly familiar and before he could place it, she hit his shoulder with his bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m his sister, you sicko,” she hissed and loftily tossed her head back. “Thanks for reminding me why I can’t stand teenagers. But now back to business.” And really, as fast as it came, the anger was gone. Her expression was still firm but the murderous gleam in her eyes changed to curiosity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Business?” He raised his eyebrows. “I wasn’t aware we were involved in any business already. But I don’t complain. Go on?” Tobio’s sister? That brat had a hot sister like that? Although, now that he saw the similarities, thinking of her as hot suddenly felt weird. God, the face Tobio would make if she introduced him as her new boyfriend would help him over the initial weirdness, though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are classmates, aren’t you? But you look older?” She asked, nervously fiddling with her phone, as if she was excited about something. Okay, apparently both siblings were odd in their own way. He also faintly remembered seeing her before now, once or twice. She had long hair back then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not classmates. We were both members of the volleyball club back in middle school. I was his senpai and often looked out for him. I’m sure he told you that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that I remember.” She shrugged. It would have surprised him if she didn’t as that would have meant Tobio had mentioned him to her and he didn’t seem the type. But something about the indifference in her voice rubbed him the wrong way. “Anyway, how old are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eighteen. And if you want to get to know me better, why don’t you join me for a coffee? We could exchange funny stories about Tobio.” Oops, force of habit. She was pretty and inviting a mature woman like her to a drink would give him bragging rights for the rest of the year. However, the way she stared at him made him shudder, but not in a good way. Foreboding, that was the word. It meant trouble when it came from Tobio whether it was on his or the other side of the net.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eighteen! That’s perfect!” She held up her hand when he wanted to say something and began to type on her phone with the other. “Hold it. Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t deny it, he was impressed. That woman typed fast. Then, without a warning, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, not that I don’t like ardent women but where the fuck are we going?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll see in a minute, uh, what’s your name again?” Nothing was left from her disgruntled mood. Whatever was going on, it made her quite chipper. Her cheeks were flushed, the eyes glowing, and the hint of a genuine smile was actually...sweet. Hopefully, he’d never say something that would put Tobio in such a mood or he’d distract the girls from him. It was bad enough to have him as a rival on the court. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa, Toru.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Toru, you’re a lifesaver. I’m not sure if I can ever repay you for your help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sure,” he muttered more than confused as she dragged him to the elevators. “Doesn’t really look like I have a choice anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” she whistled as she pushed him inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, whatever. He shrugged as the doors closed and the elevator began to move. He hadn’t made up his mind what to say to Tobio anyway. Odd or not, his sister was pretty and if her quirky behaviour gave him something to talk about he wouldn’t complain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nurse Yaeko was unusual kind today when she asked Hinata to leave. He had gotten used to being briskly reminded that the visiting hours were over and it was time for him to go home. She spoke softly to him, as if she regretted she didn’t have better news for him. He wondered what could have brought this change and if it had anything to do with the appearance of Kageyama’s sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I never thought about it, that he could have siblings. He never mentioned anything. Are there more?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He slowly gathered his books and pens together. Learning had become easier since their second manager had taught him how to take and organise notes with an efficient colouring system. It directed his attention to the information he needed without overwhelming him. Simple strategies like that saved his ass in school lately. Learning was boring under the best of circumstances. Now, it was a welcome distraction from darker thoughts but at the same time, focusing on the relevant content of his books was harder than ever before.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And why not sooner? It’s been two weeks and she didn’t even know where his room was. Wait, and where are his-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t have time to finish the thought as a voice he knew only too well interrupted him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, if this isn’t everyone’s favourite shorty!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata dropped his math book and looked up. Just when he thought the day couldn’t get any worse. And stranger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oikawa? What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same like you, I guess.” Oikawa looked at the bag in Hinata’s hand and the remaining books that he hadn’t put away yet. “Or...maybe not. You do know this is a hospital, right? Not a classroom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say what. But what </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> you doing here? Don’t say you came to see Kageyama?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Why else would I be here? Naturally, I have to see for myself how my greatest admirer is doing.” He tapped his proudly swollen chest with a bundle of rolled up papers but it was that smug smile that annoyed Hinata. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? To gloat?” Hinata growled. He wasn’t in the mood for Oikawa’s jokes and dramatics. There was no hint of humour on his face as he moved towards him and the glare in his eyes made even a boisterous guy like Oikawa take a step back. But Hinata was faster and had him already grabbed by his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t give a fuck if you think this is funny,” Hinata hissed. Despite standing on his toes he still wasn’t at eye level with him but that didn’t deter him. “And I warn you, Oikawa. If you’re here to mock him you’ll regret it. He’s been through enough shit and I’m not gonna let you make it worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa looked down at him. The smug grin was gone. He was almost like a different person, all calm and serious all of a sudden. He pulled his shirt free from Hinata’s hands and scratched his neck with the papers. He didn’t look Hinata in the eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Duly noted.” He sighed and said something Hinata never thought he’d hear from Oikawa’s mouth. “I’m sorry, shorty. Shouldn’t have teased you.” He took a book that was lying on one of the chairs, sat down, and flipped through it without looking at the pages. “When we heard what happened, we- I can’t really describe it. It’s surreal. Is it true that the bastard was after you initially?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata bit his lip and nodded. This side of Oikawa was new and difficult to deal with. He didn’t fully trust him to not break character and make fun of them again. Oikawa patted the seat of the chair next to him. Hinata sat down, less because he wanted to listen to him but because he suddenly felt helpless and forlorn standing around like that, with clenched fists and his anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still sometimes think this is all a dream. And that any minute, he’d throw a ball against my head and yell at me to stop daydreaming in the middle of practice.” He stared at his hands. “Sugawara is a great setter but...it doesn’t feel the same.” He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “It was just like any other day. We were on our way home, argued, and the next day, it would be okay again. But then there was this kid, and just when I thought something’s off, he had already pushed me out of the way and-” He had no idea why he talked about it. He was tired of repeating what happened over and over again. His family, the police, school mates, even extended family members he hadn’t talked to in years called after seeing it on the news or reading about it. And it wasn’t like he didn’t rehearse that afternoon night after night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Oikawa muttered, awkwardly patting Hinata’s back. He tapped the paper roll against his chin. “They haven’t found him yet, have they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Hinata sighed. “And that doesn’t make it better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can imagine. Are you scared he might try to attack you again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata blinked at him with a blank face. “I haven’t thought of that. I just thought, if they find him he’ll get punished. And if I get the chance to see him, I-” His hands were shaking. “I’m not sure. I’d at least tell him what I think of him. And if I had the chance to-” He broke off. He had thought of many things he wanted to do to him, some of them would land him in jail before that bastard. He hadn’t spoken about these thoughts with anyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope he comes for me again,” he finally said, the cold tone giving Oikawa goosebumps. But he nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I get that. I think I’d feel similar about it if some fucker hurt one of my friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird to see you like this, all serious.” Hinata wasn’t willing to trust the intention of Oikawa’s visit yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, but I could say the same about you.” Oikawa laughed. “You’re such a pest usually, who’d have thought I’d actually prefer that bouncy self of yours.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hardy-har.” Hinata pulled a face but if he was honest, talking to Oikawa made him feel a little better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, come on, you know I adore you. You, with your short legs that have no business jumping that high. Anyway,” Oikawa changed the topic when Hinata glared at him again. “Sorry to ask again, but you really don’t know who it could have been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, I wish I knew. I’ve relieved that moment over and over again and haven’t found anything. As if it’s jinxed.” Hinata lowered his head, pulling his hair. His feet were nervously tapping on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jinxed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Like I </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> know. As if it should have clicked the moment I saw his stupid face. Like, I do not know him. I really don’t. But looking at him felt so familiar, you know? As if when somebody said, ‘this is so and so!’ you’d immediately say, ‘yeah, of course!’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. That familiar, you say.” Oikawa became quiet for a moment. Hinata stared at him, sensing that something he said stuck. He wanted to know what and if it would get him any closer to punching that bastard’s face but something in Oikawa’s expression made him stop. He looked as if he was trying to put his own puzzle together and a wrong word at the wrong time would shatter whatever image he was about to create. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you two still doing here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa and Hinata jumped off their seats. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nurse Yaeko! My apologies!” Hinata bowed and quickly finished packing his bag. He could continue his conversation with Oikawa outside but there was no way he would risk her ill will. She and her team had made themselves abundantly clear - if he didn’t follow the rules but instead caused any trouble, he’d be banned from the hospital premises unless he came in as a patient. He was ready to go when Oikawa put a hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Hinata, one second! You are in charge of this floor, right, Nurse-” Oikawa glanced at her name tag. “Yaeko? I know it’s late and I apologize. But I really need to talk to Kageyama, only for a few minutes. You see, there had been some administrative changes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata squinted at him. What was Oikawa planning? He sounded almost flustered at the end of his request. It definitely had something to do with the papers he’d been clinging to and that he now handed to the nurse. Hinata stretched his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the small print, his curiosity growing only more when the nurse’s eyes first widened and then almost disappeared under her frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That flippant-!” She adjusted her glasses and went over the papers again, then glared at Oikawa who shrunk back, along with Hinata. “Is she serious? No word for weeks, shows up for half an hour, and now she put you in as his guardian?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His WHAT?!” Hinata ripped the papers from her hands, almost tearing them, but the nurse let him have them without a fight. Then, he punched Oikawa in the chest. “What does this mean? You? Kageyama’s guardian? This is ridiculous! You’re just a student! You aren’t even related!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Inside voice, Hinata!” the nurse warned him and sighed as she took the documents back from him. “I shouldn’t say this but I share the sentiment. That woman, I didn’t have a good feeling about her the moment I saw her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata was certain she wasn’t supposed to say these things out loud, especially not in the presence of visitors but he was only glad that at least someone shared his outrage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! And how did you get involved anyway?” He was about to punch Oikawa again but the nurse raised her hand, warning him to stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fear when I tell you you’ll punch me even harder.” Oikawa flinched, rubbing his chest where Hinata’s hand hit him. “But I swear, I’m as bewildered by this whole thing as you are. I ran into his sister when I arrived, she recognised me from middle school practise, when she dropped Tobio off and picked him up a few times. She heard I’m off age and before I knew it, she had me sign those papers and thanked me for helping her family out and that now she didn’t have to lose her job or something. If it’s any comfort-” he smiled at the nurse. “His doctor was as indignant as you and didn’t try hiding it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” Hinata thought of her face. She looked stressed and worried but apparently, it didn’t have much to do with Kageyama but with her job. And Oikawa, of all people! He wished those documents would burst into flames. Why couldn’t he be eighteen already? What kind of family was that, that didn’t come running after one of them almost got murdered and was all alone in a hospital for weeks? What kind of family would push all responsibility for one of them on a stranger they had seen once or twice just because he happened to be the right age? His throat suddenly tightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor Kageyama.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, please don’t cry! Please don’t!” Oikawa was patting his back again, his face looking like he was about to panic. Hinata rubbed his eyes with his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor kid indeed,” the nurse growled but her voice was gentle when she talked to Hinata. “The more important it is to cherish what you have. Go home, Hinata, your family is waiting for you. You can’t do anything here anyway. And maybe your friend here can help him to be reasonable and change his mind about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think?” He glanced from her to Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know what this is about.” He rubbed his neck and shrugged. “But that seems to be the theme of the day, so, sure, I’ll try my best.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, then. I better go, I guess.” Hinata looked around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything and tossed his bag over his shoulder. “I can come back tomorrow, can I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Within the regular hours, yes. Now, off with you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one second!” Oikawa pulled his phone out of his jacket. “Give me your number. Just in case.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so another day was coming to the end. Visiting hours should be closed soon. It wouldn’t be long until the nurses rolled carts with today’s dinner for the other patients up and down the hallways. Hard to believe that soft bread, soup, and pudding were the most exciting coming up in his life, maybe even this week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The TV was running politics and game shows. He had aimlessly switched through the channels until he found one that barely featured sports of any kind. He didn’t watch and he had switched off the volume days ago and never turned it on since. He couldn’t bear watching fake realities of tragedies that never happened to people who didn’t exist. Shows with actual people about real events were worse. Not as worse, though, as catching a glimpse at a ball being hit or kicked across a court. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had tried reading but found himself unable to focus. It was pointless anyway. So he looked forward to another evening of staring at the ceiling, alone with his own thoughts. Today, however, it was a little better. He wouldn’t go as far as saying that he had missed his sister’s company before, although he had wondered sometimes how she was doing, especially when the radio silence lasted several months. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tonight, for the first time in years, he missed her as soon as she left the room. He didn’t have high expectations of comradeship between them but her enthusiasm about a world he didn’t understand, or cared much for, helped him to keep his mind busy. He didn’t plan to hold her back from whatever grand goals she had but even if it were just for a few days, it would be nice to not shoulder all this alone for a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clung to that thought when he heard the door open, followed by hesitant steps. It was too early for the next check-up. If it were something quick, the nurse would have spoken before she had put a foot into his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Kageyama, I fear I have bad news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know. She’s gone, right? That was fast. I was an idiot to believe her.</span>
  </em>
  <span> There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t run, hit the ball, or shout at someone. So he kept staring at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your sister, well. She had to leave sooner than expected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not really. That’s just how she is. Busy with her own thing.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And he didn’t blame her. When she moved, she and their grandfather had had a conversation about him, whether it would be good for him to go with her, live with someone young and energetic, and he could have chosen between several excellent volleyball clubs. He wasn’t supposed to listen but he was glad when she shot the plan down and his grandfather accepted her choice readily. He, too, had his own thing to do and would hate to compromise. He got that, he really did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But damn, a week. Or even just another day. Was that really too much to ask for? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not all. Uh, before she left, she…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had almost forgotten that the nurse was still there. Something about her tone confused him. Whatever could Miwa have done that it threw even someone like Nurse Yaeko for a loop? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just when he looked into her direction, another figure emerged from behind her and waved at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He inhaled sharply and held his breath. What the hell was Oikawa doing here, why would they let him even in here this late?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Tobio, it’s me, your new dad!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The absurdity hit him like a punch. That stupid face, with that dumb, smug grin. In an instant, he was one hair away from pulling out those damn tubes and needles and finish that asshole knife kid’s job by jumping out of the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. She didn’t...! And, wait, even if, that doesn’t make sense!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I have to introduce you.” The nurse smiled weakly. “Your sister gave temporary guardianship over your medical affairs to him and ditched- left for the next plane. You!” She sternly yanked Oikawa’s arm which stopped his waving. “Show some of the dignity this responsibility demands. I don’t care that you’re young and foolish. This isn’t a joke or a game. I expect you to do this properly or I myself will see to it that the proper authorities get involved.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Ma’am,” Oikawa replied meekly, rubbing his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better. Kageyama, if you need something, use the call button. I’m afraid I have to leave you two alone, unfortunately, more patients are waiting for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both flinched when she threw the door shut behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phew, thank god. Damn, that woman is scary. How do you deal with that all day?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama shrugged and tried his best to sit up without causing him more discomfort than necessary. At least he wasn’t hooked up to a dozen monitors anymore but there were still too many tubes and lines for his liking. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The side table was out of reach. He’d have to climb out of bed to pull it close enough to write. He was feeling like a broken puppet lately and he hated it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To his surprise, Oikawa walked around his bed and without any of his usual mocking remarks, he positioned the table until it was of use and Kageyama nodded. He pointed at one of the two chairs by the wall but Oikawa preferred to stand by the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just so you know, son, I didn’t ask for this questionable honour. I came to make a friendly visit, nothing else. Your sister dearest roped me into this before I really knew what I was signing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And you found my sister cute enough to just follow her like a dumb puppy and let her steamroll you, you damn creep.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He grabbed the pen and started scribbling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Why visit? To gloat?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa moved closer to have a better look and sneered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it with everyone accusing me of gloating? Why would I gloat at you for what happened? I’m not that much of a jerk. No, okay, save the ink.” He raised his hands in a defensive gesture. “I am much of a jerk, admitted, and maybe it looks like I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> kind of a jerk, too, but I swear by my great-grandmother’s ashes, I’m not. I’m really sorry. And I came to see you and make sure you better heal up quickly. Our coach plans another practice match against Karasuno and what’s the point of getting out of bed if you aren’t there to fear and admire me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama looked at him for a thoughtful minute. His chest tightened around his heart. Another match. Any match. His team. The ball. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lowered his head, scribbled on the same paper and shoved it towards Oikawa without looking at him. He couldn’t look at him right now when he couldn’t also scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Are you fucking kidding me?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled the paper back to him and furiously wrote more, the pen scratching through the paper at the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[You know. They told you, no? It’s over. I’m a cripple. The dream is over. Our feud. It all!] </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa paused and there was another moment of silence. His hand closed tightly around the pen. He was breathing too fast and cold sweat appeared on his neck and temples. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No panic. He had to control himself. The last thing he needed was to hyperventilate and breakdown in front of Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it’s true.” Oikawa picked up the notebook, tore the page off, and put it down again. “You really lost your voice? There’s no chance to restore it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama shook his head. They told him they planned to consult another expert when she’d return to Japan in two weeks but that he shouldn’t get his hopes up. It was more of a formality for his insurance and his correct status on the documents when he left the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[No.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck. I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama nodded. Funny, Oikawa sounded serious for once and he was tempted to believe him. But he wasn’t the first one today to go against his nature and sound convincing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, and correct me if I’m wrong, but your legs and arms are still good? Sure, it’s helpful but it’s not like volleyball dependent on a voice as long as the rest works.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama resisted the impulse to throw his pen at him and instead focused on writing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Out of your mind? Voice to coordinate. Signal. Warn. They’d never let me play serious matches. And a professional] He stopped. His hand hurt but the pain in his throat and chest were worse. He wouldn’t cry in front of Oikawa. No, under no circumstances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think even if Karasuno were willing to figure something out nobody else would, right? God, Tobio, you were always easy to intimidate but I didn’t know you’re a coward.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What? How dare you! </span>
  </em>
  <span> He opened his mouth. His throat hurt. Muscles he had never been aware of worked under pain. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you think this is easy? That I’m giving up just like that? I don’t have a choice, you idiot! If I had, I’d grab the closest ball I could find and spike it into your smug face! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All he managed was a hoarse croak. He could feel the air in his throat, could feel where it should have been shaped into words. But there was nothing. Nothing but useless scar tissue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Oikawa started and paused. He stared at the TV with an empty expression, unimpressed by Kageyama’s silent outburst. Then, he pulled an annoyed face and tilted his head vaguely in Kageyama’s direction.  “I think that’s why everyone likes Hinata so much. Shorty’s really something else, isn’t he? You played him into oblivion during your first encounter and he challenged you. Two-meter giants block him and he stares up at them in awe. Spikes hard enough they almost break his face hit him and he doesn’t cower. Even if he’s a million years away from doing something against it on his own, he admires those who crush him and burns to figure out a way to stand up to them. Doesn’t matter what you throw at him. No clue if that’s brave or if he’s just too stupid to know when to stop. But it’s admirable. Always wanting to get there instead of shying away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama had no choice but listening. It had just been a few days of his new life and he already hated it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As if I don’t know. He’s so dumb that he knows no fear. It’s all just a new challenge to him, another dare to jump even higher. And if he had to defy gravity to get there, he doesn’t care, he just does it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d never forget their first match back in middle school, when this short, red-haired guy who could barely hold his team together, rose behind the net to shatter all the odds and expectations against him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, look at you! The great Tobio, the grouch that makes the Grinch look like a cheerleader, can actually smile. Sweet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama blushed and turned his face away. He didn’t like that tone at all and by god, he wasn’t in need of anything that could make this evening worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that I didn’t have my suspicions but thanks for confirming it. Anyway, where was I...ah, right!” Oikawa clapped his hands, stepped away from the window and let himself drop on the end of Kageyama’s bed. He held up one finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First off, my dear son, you can learn a thing or two form our Shorty. Fuck, I don’t have to tell you to look at him. He’s too short for his position. He is too short to get from one end of the net to the other, or from the back to the front. Aone and the iron wall should have been the end of the line for him. Should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama inhaled slowly and tapped the pen a few times on the table. Then, he wrote, [Should. But it’s different.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit. He found ways to work around his </span>
  <em>
    <span>shortcomings</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” Oikawa chuckled at his own silly joke but quickly continued while Kageyama calculated how far he could lean forward without ripping the tubes out of his nose and punch Oikawa in the face at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The point is, the kid has potential and everyone sees it. And everyone is working around his issues so he can work on that potential. You should know this, as his number one enabler.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Shut up.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet. All I say is, your team wouldn’t be where it is without him, and he wouldn’t be there without all your help. Especially yours. Why do you think they wouldn’t do the same for you? At least, with you, everyone has already accepted you’re a genius. And a brat. But even despite that. How about showing some willpower and courage for once?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Right now, it takes all my willpower not to punch you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Was that supposed to be a motivational speech? It sure didn’t feel like that. It felt like an idealistic dream, something he’d have expected from Hinata but not from Oikawa. That idiot had his own temper issues but when it came to volleyball, he was usually the level-headed one. That was what made him so scary on the court. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes for a moment. As if he hadn’t thought of it. As if he didn’t wish there was a way for him. As if it was that easy. What was he supposed to do, tap dance the morse alphabet and trust Hinata to interpret his intentions correctly? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Hinata was in your place he’d probably figure out a way to tap dance whatever he has to tell you to toss him the ball and where exactly he wants it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama opened his eyes and shot him a flabbergasted glare. Was this idiot a mind reader now, on top of all? He had enough, this was getting ridiculous. He was not interested in sitting here, silent and helpless, and listen to Oikawa coming up with more absurd ideas that would only add salt to the wound. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Anything else before you leave?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, yes.” Oikawa’s smile disappeared and his whole face turned dark. He held up two fingers. “Secondly, what are you doing to Hinata? Are you that stupid? You do know that he’s camping in the waiting area every day. Kid’s looking so tired, if this keeps going, he’ll start shrinking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anger welled up in him. He was grinding his teeth, his hands clenching to the table. He had to count down from ten and wait for the trembling to stop before he trusted his hand to hold the pen steadily enough to write.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[I don’t want to see him.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up, of course you do. And, yeah, it’s your right to refuse but it’s a stupid decision. I tell you that as your old mentor and new dad.” He snatched the writing block from Kageyama and tore off another page. “And as I’m not legally bound by the patient’s wishes like the staff, I want you to give me three good reasons why I shouldn’t come back with him tomorrow and lock you two into this room until you’ve sorted your bullshit out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama blinked at him, his jaw dropped. Oikawa couldn’t be serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And no, I’m not the cruel one here. You got five minutes. Better start writing. So that I can decipher it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama stared at him for another moment. Oikawa didn’t say anything else. He crossed his arms and stared back at him, nodding at the page in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was he supposed to do? He could hardly pour out his heart to Oikawa. He himself wasn’t even 100% sure of all the reasons whirling around in his head. He could call the nurse and let her know he wanted Oikawa removed. But thanks to his sister’s selfish impulses, that wouldn’t help him to get rid of him for long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hesitantly, he picked up the pen and bowed his head. Then, he began to write. Slowly at first. He had no intention to share more than he could help it. Just enough to make Oikawa leave Hinata out of this and him alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was writing faster. His jaws hurt and his eyes burned from glaring at the paper. He tore off the first page, tossed it at Oikawa, and continued on the next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped when the second page was full. He was about to tear it of and toss it at Oikawa, too, and to continue but he caught himself. The pen dropped on the table and rolled on the floor. Oikawa sighed and got up to return it and grabbed the second page. Kageyama stared at the blank page in front of him while Oikawa was reading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t be the setter he needs. The sooner he finds someone to fill that role the better. I refuse to stand by and watch. I got that out of him. I’ll not sit on the bench and watch.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa looked up at him and frowned. “That’s really what you think? Fuck, it’s worse than I thought. And then that part.” He turned back to the first page and quoted another part. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to see his face when he sees me and understands what happened. I don’t want to hear his apologies. He shouldn’t. Nobody gains anything when he sees me like this, it only gets worse.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He put the papers down. “Really?” He leaned over and grabbed the block and the pen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t say anything. The words Oikawa read sounded strange in his ears. After the first letters, something in him had snapped, as if his brain had a sudden blackout. He barely remembered what he wrote down just a few minutes ago but those must have been his thoughts. Something resonated with them when Oikawa read them. He glanced at the two pages, tempted to take them back and see what he had written. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Oikawa threw the notebook back on the table. “Just one question and I want an honest answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama gave him a questioning look and turned the paper around. He looked down at it and froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Do you regret shielding him and taking his fall?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up again and gestured Oikawa to return the pen to him. One he had it he scribbled his answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[No.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa read it, took the pen back and again wrote something before he returned it to Kageyama.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Would you do it again?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain. The smell of his own blood that suffocated him. The realisation that he was dying. Hinata’s shocked face. He didn’t have a scratch. He’d live on unharmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Yes.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Even if it killed you next time?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Yes.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He threw the notebook at Oikawa, his face distorted to a silent growl. What was up with this bullshit? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How are you not the cruel one here, you asshole? Why are these even questions? </span>
  </em>
  <span>His fingers were digging into the white sheet, his head and spine bowed in an angle that made the tubes press uncomfortably against the back of his throat. His whole body was trembling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oikawa sighed and added the third page to the other two, then he stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, Tobio, did you even have a good cry yet? You look like you could need it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama gave him the middle finger. When Oikawa didn’t say anything and walked away from the bed, he slowly looked up. Oikawa was standing with his back to him. He took the pen and tossed it at him. Oikawa turned around while he was neatly folding the three pages and stuffed them into the pocket of his jacket. Kageyama stared at him in shock and, with a shaking hand, gestured him to give them back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget it.” His face lit up and the smug grin was back. He wagged his finger at Kageyama while patting the picked with the pages. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These are very informative. I think I know someone who’d be very interested in reading them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama’s eyes widened even more. Then, without thinking, he tossed his sheets aside, pushing the table away in the process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Oikawa lept over to him before he could jump out of the bed and rip out the tubes and IV. Oikawa pushed him back down by his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You stay right where you are, you idiot!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t put up a fight. He let Oikawa push him onto the bed and stared at the ceiling while Oikawa picked up the sheet and pulled it back over him. Everything hurt. The sutures that held his throat together felt like they were about to spring open. He had moved too abruptly and at an unfortunate angle that yanked at the feeding tube that went down into his stomach. He felt like vomiting and at the same time, he shuddered in disgust at the thought. It had happened a few times during the first days after he woke up. For nothing in the world, he’d go through that pain and humiliation again, not even for the power Oikawa now held over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here’s the deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t noticed that Oikawa was already at the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll hold onto your confession and give it back to you during our next match, Aoba Johsei versus Karasuno. If you aren’t there to take them back-” His smile changed into a malicious grin and his voice carried a threatening tone. “I’ll hand them over to our favourite shorty instead. It’s up to you.” As soon as he said it, he was back to his upbeat self and waved cheerfully. “See ya, son!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama let out a long sigh when the door closed behind Oikawa. He screwed this one up good. Why didn’t he just lie to him? He could just have refused to play along with Oikawa’s dumb game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too late for that. He needed to come up with a plan quickly. First, he had to find a way to reverse Oikawa’s guardian status his mad sister had given him. No, he had to get those notes back first although that seemed even more impossible. If he imagined, just for a moment, that he could get out of here soon and back on the court, and find a way to resume his position and face Oikawa in another match. Could that really be done? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door sprung open again and a beaming Oikawa was back, holding something in his hand that he tossed immediately at Kageyama. The needle in his hand shifted uncomfortably when he caught it midair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost forgot! Your sis told me to give you this. Your doctor said you should have it, I think? She also said she’s sorry and much love, she’ll call.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cold shiver crept through his body when he realized what he was holding. It was a book, still shrink-wrapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Beginner’s Guide to Japanese Sign Language</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Consider everything delivered. Don’t put yourself to any trouble, I see myself out!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, that was it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tubes, the sutures, the pain and soreness from having his throat slashed open twice, once by a bloodthirsty bastard, once by surgeons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been so easy to blame all that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had bought him time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One thing after the other would be removed or would heal and he could have made careful steps towards his new reality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was a fool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crippled. Silenced. Irreversible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His dream of carrying his team to victory had turned into a nightmare where he was nothing but a burden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no place for him in his future. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>FUCK!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>FUCK YOU ALL!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>With all the strength he had he hurled the book across the room. It hit the TV and knocked it to the floor where it was buried under shards of the broken screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was lying on his back when nurses came running, alerted by the commotion. Footsteps, shouting, a flurry of questions and exclamations. They turned all into white noise. He covered his eyes with his arm and waited for the angry tears that refused to come.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I confess, I stay out of the fandom for now because I don't want to get influenced too much when it comes to headcanons and such. But yesterday, I actually had a peek and apparently, something cute and positive just dropped and now I almost feel weird with this angsty story. But only almost 😁</p>
<p>I like this chapter. It's fun to have them interact.</p>
<p>But no worries, this isn't turning into an Oikawa/Hinata story. We'll get to what we're here for soon. Not right away, but soon (as in, chapter 8 soon)!</p>
<p>Thanks for the support so far, I'm excited over every comment, kudos, or bookmark ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Oikawa stepped aside when two nurses ran to Kageyama’s room, following the sudden noise. He waited until they opened the door and began shouting in alarm. Nothing they said made much sense but it didn’t sound like Kageyama was in immediate danger so he moved on. Knowing him, Oikawa had a rough idea of what was going on and he had no desire to go back and check. Let alone help with the mess he created. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He doesn’t need me for something like that. He needs Hinata and the sooner he figures that out, the better for the both of them. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed like days have passed since he had entered the lobby from the other end. This had been a crazy afternoon and only time would tell if things went better or worse than expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, the thing with the book was probably a dick move. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled and waved a the cute woman behind the reception desk. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But what was I supposed to do, sit down and hold his hand? This shouldn’t have been my responsibility in the first place! I just wanted to egg him on a little, jumpstart his fighting spirit. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened the door. This was the coolest afternoon in weeks. He went outside, let the door fall shut behind him, and took a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The sweet, sweet smell of freedom! No wonder Tobio’s down in the dumps. Breathing that hospital air all day. Ah, fatherhood is tough when the kids are a handful!</span>
  </em>
  <span> That reminded him, there were still a few things he wanted to talk about with Hinata. He pulled out his phone and went through his contacts for Hinata’s number while going down the stairs. At the bottom, however, he caught a familiar reddish shadow moving to his right. He looked up, sighed, and put the phone away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you still doing here, eh? You should be home by now.” He smiled wearily at Hinata who just rose from a bench and came towards him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is he?” Hinata didn’t smile back and his voice was cold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa thought quickly. He had expected to answer this question and any that might follow in a text conversation, which would have been easy to direct and manipulate. It just became a distinctly more difficult endeavour with Hinata’s brown eyes watching him like a hawk. That was one of the troubles with this guy, no one could ever predict when he’d be dense and oblivious or sharp as a knife. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t shoot the messenger, please.” Oikawa held up his hands and shrunk back. Whether it was his fake dismissive behaviour or rekindled worry - some of the tension left Hinata’s shoulder and behind his grim face was a tired, fearful kid. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That bad?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not <em>that</em> bad.” Oikawa gave him a reassuring pat on the back. Now he just had to decide how much he better kept to himself and how to sugarcoat the rest. Damn, this would have been so much easier over text. “He’s healing. I don’t think they’ll keep him much longer.” They slowly walked across the hospital grounds. Oikawa hoped he wouldn’t have to wait too long for a bus. Hinata was pushing his bike next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good news. But why does it sound so bad when you say it like that?” Hinata asked, closely watching his face. Oikawa shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t hurt at all and feel shitty about the whole thing. I guess you can take that times five for him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hinata quietly looked to the ground. Oikawa studied his profile. Some of the childlike lines in his face had disappeared but instead of more mature, his cheeks almost looked gaunt. Oikawa checked the time on his phone when they reached the bus station. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I guess I talk to you later.” Hinata climbed his bike. “Thanks for caring about him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata, wait a second!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Now he had to decide quickly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Curse me and my good heart.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?” Hinata looked over his shoulder, ready to set off. Oikawa put on his widest smile, the one he usually reserved for the </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> cute girls. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You haven’t eaten yet, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa had almost finished his bowl of udon while Hinata still nibbled on his second piece of prawn tempura, leaving the noodles and rich broth untouched. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Told you,” Oikawa said, pointing his chopsticks at him. “You should have taken oyako instead. You could need the protein.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, my mom got that covered.” Hinata fished for a slice of pork. “Got something with chicken on most days and no day without eggs. Also-” He chomped off a piece of the meat, glaring at Oikawa while he chewed. “This was the most expensive option.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I noticed,” Oikawa replied dryly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Hinata put on an innocent face, still speaking with his mouth full. “I’m still not convinced you’re not planning to get back at Kageyama in some way. Might as well make you pay while I can.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then show a bit more enthusiasm, will you?” Oikawa leaned over the table, keeping his voice low, and nodded towards the counter. “You’re insulting the owners if you keep chewing on their finest meat and seafood selection as if it’s stale bread. Whatever problem you have with me, that’s not their fault.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata glanced to his right. Indeed, the owner’s husband was looking at their table with a frown on his face but quickly turned away when he noticed Hinata looking back. They were sitting in a small corner, as far away from the entrance and the counter as possible and if someone from the front was watching them it was impossible to miss. Hinata gave a guilty sigh, picked another prawn and took a hearty bite. It was astonishing that a self-absorbed jerk like Oikawa actually cared about something like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not like it isn’t good,” he mumbled, chewing slowly. “You’re right, the food is great. I’m just not that hungry.” He should have taken a simpler, smaller option. He had only seen the opportunity to annoy Oikawa without considering that his decision could make him look rude in the eyes of others. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No wonder you’re so short if you eat like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata laughed, for once not being offended by the dig at his size. “Good thing the others didn’t hear that. Especially Tsukki likes to make fun of me because-” He cleared his throat and changed his voice to a low and bored but slightly mocking tone. “It’s a miracle how you stay such a runt despite eating like a pig.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sounds like that beanstalk, all right!” Oikawa snorted but all of a sudden, he got quiet. He gave Hinata such a long, brooding look that he quickly focused on shovelling more food into his mouth. Oikawa really hadn’t exaggerated, those were the best udon he ever had. The broth was savoury and rich in flavour, the noodles weren’t too soft or hard, and the tender meat was to die for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a while, slurping and chewing were the only sounds coming from their table. The small corner restaurant was getting busier by the minute. The chatter from the customers and the noise from the kitchen mixed with the smells of fried chicken and other meats, tempura, and the everpresent scent of simmering stocks. A faint hint of cigarette smoke came from the outside tables. Instead of being disturbing, it blended with the warm light of the lanterns, the decorative flags, and the old-fashioned paintings that his mother would call tacky. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>People came and went, some stayed, others picked up their takeout. It was hectic but cosy at the same time. The jukebox started playing and Hinata pulled a face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My grandma listens to stuff like that all day. Actually, she’d love it here.” He looked around again and indeed, the majority of guests was middle-aged and older, mostly men, but also several elderly women. “This doesn’t look like the kind of place you’d hang out at all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa snorted again. “I understand. Of course you’d assume I only hang out in the coolest bars, surrounded by beautiful, sexy girls. That’s only natural.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not what I said. Or think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I do like it here.” Oikawa didn’t acknowledge Hinata’s remarks, much to Hinata’s annoyance. “The food is great and affordable. It’s old-fashioned but most of their customers during the day come from the hospital. Either visitors or patients who sneaked out to get some real food. The neighbourhood is popular with older folks, too. So that makes sense. Young, handsome, and cool guys like me rarely come here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so annoying.” He should have ordered extra shrimps on the side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, I’m not such a bad dude, I bought you food!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And complained about it since we ordered.” Extra shrimps on the side, twice!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you recklessly took advantage of my generosity!” Oikawa grasped his shirt above his heart and rolled up his eyes, as if he was about to faint. It wasn’t like Hinata didn’t appreciate the invitation but by god, was he growing tired of the theatrics. Most importantly, however, he hadn’t waited outside the hospital forever to stuff his face and listen to Oikawa praising himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what did Kageyama say?” He had stopped counting how often he tried to bring the conversation back to what he really wanted to talk about. Oikawa became serious again and Hinata wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad sign. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa opened his mouth but closed it again, shaking his head. Hinata fidgeted on his chair while Oikawa poked around in his empty bowl with his chopsticks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s look at this from a different angle, okay?” Oikawa finally said without looking up. “How much do you know about his condition?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now it was Hinata who was silently staring at his still half-filled bowl. He still heard coach Ukai’s words from the first day echoing in his head, that they already knew more than they were supposed to, given they weren’t family. They were lucky that Shimizu’s older brother worked at the hospital as a doctor and ‘accidentally’ let something slip here and there. With the things he was allowed to know, shouldn’t, assumed, and had caught from the nurses talking to each other, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to know, actually knew and how much of that was contributed by his nightmares. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what this bastard did to him. That he lost a lot of blood but was lucky, something about the angle of the knife and just missing the arteries, but it went deep. Then he needed surgery again a few days later because something didn’t heal properly or was infected, I’m not sure. And after that-” He broke off. He was violently stirring the remaining noodles and almost upset the bowl. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“After that?” Oikawa prompted, still not looking at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He probably won’t...he can’t…” His hand clenched around the chopsticks. This was the part that he hoped was one of the horrors of his nightmares. Oikawa was now staring at him with a weird look on his face, almost as if this conversation tortured him. He was waiting for something and it dawned on Hinata that Oikawa was in a weird spot. He had talked to Doctor Shimizu and Kageyama’s sister and had spent quite a while in his room, there was no way Oikawa didn’t know facts he didn’t. Hinata wasn’t informed about all of the legal details but he was aware that the staff wasn’t allowed to share any personal information with him. Oikawa, though, how much was he allowed to tell? Was he bound by any rules or laws at all? Whatever it was, he clearly wasn’t willing to talk openly until Hinata said what he wanted to hear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That he won’t speak again,” Hinata whispered and swallowed hard. This was the first time he had said it and suddenly, it became real. He had been in denial and he knew it and now that Oikawa slowly nodded and sighed in relief, Hinata couldn’t lie to himself anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. And as you can imagine, he isn’t happy about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. But otherwise, he’s okay, right?” Hinata raised his shaking voice and slammed his fists on the table. “He’ll get better and recover and can play volleyball again! He has to!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa’s eyes darted across the restaurant. Hinata remembered they weren’t alone and already noticed several eyes staring at him. He sunk back on his seat and lowered his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I’ll do if he can’t…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Physically, yeah, aside from his voice, he’ll fully recover. He’ll have to work hard to catch up after all this but that’s not the problem.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata was tapping his feet. Oikawa stopped talking again and inspected the colourful print hanging on the wall next to him. Hinata was beginning to find it unnerving that Oikawa wouldn’t look at him unless it was to tease him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what is the problem?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa kept silent for another moment before he tilted his head to the left and right, carefully choosing his words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you do if you were in his place?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Hinata blinked back at him, processing the question. This had nothing to with what he wanted to know but he couldn’t help answering. He had thought about it too often lately. “I’d be unhappy and sad. But I’d try to find a way to tell coach Ukai to please let me play anyway, just one game, to prove that I still can help us win. I’d beg Kageyama to toss me just one ball. Just one. And I’d show him that I can spike just the same. I’d have to signal somehow what I want, dunno, tapping on the floor or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t surprised when Oikawa burst out laughing but it irritated him just the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what’s so funny about that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing.” Oikawa dramatically wiped his eye. “That’s just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He got serious again. “As much as I hate to admit it but it seems like nobody knows Tobio better than you. Can you see him doing the same?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata tilted his head. He hadn’t thought about that. He imagined what he’d do and that he and Kageyama would just figure something out, like they always did. He thought back to the times whenever their opponents neutralised their teamwork. Dammit, they had a regular old fistfight once. He’d been so angry when Kageyama told him that there was no room for improvement for him. His face heated up when he thought about it. But then he remembered how it was Kageyama who had been insecure about his abilities and that he needed the push to trust himself to do it, not Hinata. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata rewound the memory, back to the fight. What exactly had it been again that Kageyama yelled at him about? Something about getting better at what Hinata could already do, destroying the team balance, selfishness... It hadn’t occurred to him before because Kageyama had changed since their middle school encounter and the first days at Karasuno... but if the Hinata from today would meet the Kageyama from back then, wouldn’t that be the same things he’d love to shout at him?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I’m honestly not sure.” He hesitated to say what they both knew was the answer. “He’d not go about it the same way I would, that’s for sure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Few would. Wait a second.” Oikawa walked to the counter and, after exchanging a few words with the owner, he returned with two cans of soda. He put one in front of Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyway,” he said as he sat down. “You see the problem, right? His body will be fine soon enough but he’s somewhat discouraged, to put it mildly.” He opened his can and took a long sip. Hinata turned his drink between his hands. There was still so much to eat left and he neither felt hungry or thirsty at all. The print on the can became blurry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to talk to him,” he said between two hiccups. He still held back the tears. He didn’t mind crying when it helped him with his frustrations but lately, crying had done nothing but hurt his eyes. And he didn’t feel at all like crying in front of Oikawa for nothing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“While I agree it’s too bad that he doesn’t see it. And as long as he’s like that I fear you visiting him isn’t a good idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata’s heart sunk. He hadn’t expected Oikawa to actually want to help Kageyama or him but he had hoped against hope that he’d maybe find it funny enough to annoy Kageyama to let Hinata sneak inside his room. Oikawa’s intentions wouldn’t have mattered at all to him if he had gotten the chance to talk to him. But unfortunately, Oikawa was right. Shouting sense into him when he refused to listen never worked on the first try. And this time, he feared, there wouldn’t be a second chance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He ran his hands through his hair, pulling it. He wished he could blame Oikawa for this and accuse him of playing games and mocking him. But even if he didn’t know it already, Oikawa being this open and short about it only hammered the point home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shorty, before you drown in despair, please be so kind and give me your address.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata looked up and growled. Oikawa was typing on his phone, his eyes fixed on the screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a surprise, once more sponsored by the goodness of my heart. I should really have it checked some time, this can’t be healthy for me.” He sighed dramatically but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. There was something unusually sober behind his act and Hinata wasn’t sure he was comfortable with that new side of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, whatever.” He cited his address and continued eating his meal while Oikawa finished typing. The noodles had gone mushy in the cold broth and the remaining pieces of meat were losing their tenderness. He didn’t care, everything was tasting bland anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still not sure if you really want to help in your weird kind of way or if all of this is part of a long-term prank,” Hinata said after drinking the rest of the soup and putting the bowl down. He was a bit nauseous on his stomach but at the same time, his body felt grateful for the first real meal this day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shorty, your words wound me! As if I’d ever prank you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe not but it’s new to me that you care in any way about Kageyama.” He wasn’t particularly thirsty but opened his can and drank from it anyway. He had learned a bit more about Kageyama’s state although, if he thought about it, Oikawa didn’t tell him much. He confirmed what Hinata already knew or should have guessed. But that was better than nothing and while he still hesitated to trust him, he didn’t want to offend him too much. Whether he liked it or not, right now, Oikawa was his best source of information. Yet, there were a few things that didn’t add up. “I actually thought you hated him. I was surprised to see you at the hospital in the first place.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t hate Tobio! That much,” he added under Hinata’s sharp glare. He exhaled slowly, then he smiled. “Okay, no more games. For once. I used to hate him. I can’t help acknowledging his talent or that it’s almost scary how much he evolved since he joined Karasuno’s team and started playing with you. It’s fun to provoke him and to beat him while I still can, but-” He paused and shook his head. “Not like this. After I heard what happened, our feud suddenly felt so petty, you know? It was fun, I miss it, and I want it back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want him to recover so you can be an ass to him again without feeling guilty?” Hinata believed him and if all was said and done, Oikawa being on Kageyama’s side was what counted. It wasn’t like he expected Oikawa had a moment of enlightenment and discovered the power of friendship but even if Hinata was a tiny little bit more likely to trust his words, he didn’t feel happy about it. “That’s why you pretend to be nice to him and me today?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata, now you want to misunderstand me!” Oikawa groaned and flailed his arms. Hinata said nothing during his little show. Oikawa finally stopped his antics and leaned on the table, speaking calmly. “I’m nice to you because you’re funny. You remind me of my nephew, in a way. So young, innocent, and full of enthusiasm. You’re a pest on the court but I don’t think there’s any setter in our age group who wouldn’t love to play with you at least once. Tobio seems to have fun It looks like a great challenge. And Tobio - as I said, I want to beat him but not like this. This isn’t right. I’ll kick your tiny butt if you ever tell him any of this but he was born to play, I can’t see anything else for him. He belongs on the court and that’s where I want to win against him. Without dirty tricks. That’s why he needs to get a grip, heal up, and play again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I understand what you mean.” He didn’t have much to say about the backhanded compliments about him and decided to ignore them. He agreed, however, with Oikawa on one thing. This wasn’t right. Kageyama belonged on the court and Hinata do everything in his power to drag him back there. All he needed to do was….was…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How can I help him when he doesn’t even let me talk to him? And you agree?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not saying you should never talk to him again. I just think now isn’t a good time. I know him when he’s like this. Too busy with himself. Give him a few more days. A week or so. I’ll keep an eye on him in the meantime and reach out to you when things get better. Now that I’m his dad I can’t get around seeing him again, after all. I don’t want to be a deadbeat to my first son.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are physically unable to be serious for longer than two minutes, aren’t you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you aren’t yourself today. This bitter sarcasm doesn’t suit you. You also should eat more! Don’t make me adopt you as my second son and take better care of yourself. Also, that would make you and Tobio brothers and I don’t think anyone wants that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata squinted at him, trying to make sense of that weird smile. He finished his soda and pushed the empty can across the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for the meal, it was good. But I guess I better go now.” It was getting darker outside and his phone had been vibrating in his bag for at least five minutes, in that vigorous way only his mother made it vibrate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still hungry. Their chicken yakitori is damn good, too. Want to share an order?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, but no. I’m full.” Hinata quickly texted his mother. To his relief, she wasn’t angry, yet. Just worried as the spontaneous meeting with a ‘friend’ she didn’t know lasted longer than she thought. He couldn’t blame her. If somebody told him yesterday he’d be invited to udon by Oikawa and have a chat with him he’d have thought they lost their mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then have another soda.” Oikawa already held his wallet in his hand. “Tell your mom you’ll be on your way home in half an hour or so. There’s something I need to ask you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata blinked at him, confused. “How do you know I’m texting with my mom?” He pressed his lips together when Oikawa laughed. What was up with this guy? Was there anything he, Hinata, could say without making him laugh out loud like an idiot?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because, moms, my dear fellow in misery. That reminds me!” He quickly pulled up his phone and typed up a storm. “Don’t think anything about that is going to change just because one day, you’re old enough to substitute as some overambitious brat’s guardian.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope everyone's doing well!</p>
<p>Gonna upload on Saturdays from now on, whenever I got a chapter ready.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The mornings were getting colder. It was supposed to be a sunny day but the temperatures wouldn’t reach their peak before noon. There had been nothing but rain for two days and it only stopped a few hours ago. Now, that the sun was slowly coming up, a thin veil of mist covered the ground and it was brisker than it’d have been after a dry night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you look at that.” Tsukishima nudged Yamaguchi while they walked towards the club room. “Our team simpleton has his nose buried in a book.” Yamaguchi yawned but didn’t say anything. Hinata glanced up, shrugged, and continued reading. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, what are you reading?” Tsukishima bent over to grab the book but Hinata closed it and shoved it into his backpack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d have told you but now that you’re a jerk about it, I don’t want to anymore.” Hinata made a rude face and got up. His legs were stiff from sitting on the ground for the last half of an hour. He stretched, bending his back to the left and right. His mother had urged him to dress warmer but he hadn’t seen the point. He’d get warm soon enough during practice and by the time school began, the air would have warmed up as well. Running around in a too thick sweater was more annoying than being a little cold for a few minutes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’d be surprised if it was something for school.” Tsukishima sneered down at him. “And it certainly wasn’t about volleyball because I certainly won’t live to see the day that you actually bring your brain to a game.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talking about brains,” Hinata shot back, squatting a few times to get the stiffness out of his knees. “Did yours get stuck on the Asshole Supreme setting? You’re meaner than usual lately and it’s getting on my nerves.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima was about to counter but Yamaguchi rammed his elbow into Tsukishima’s ribs. They exchanged a glance and Tsukishima stepped back and leaned against the wall, silently waiting for someone with the key to the club room to show up. Hinata did the same, with generous space between them. People might have called him and Kageyama a freak duo but those two should be dubbed the annoying weirdos. Hinata leaned his head against the wall and stared into the sky. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima and he wouldn’t become firm friends anytime soon but they had grown to respect each other somewhat, keeping the digs to a minimum. Or so Hinata had thought. He found himself at the end of Tsukishima’s sharp tongue more often than during their first weeks. At least Yamaguchi had calmed down, he was actually a friendly guy when he didn’t follow Tsukishima’s lead. And he did not approve of Tsukishima’s jabs lately, that much was obvious, even if he didn’t say much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that Hinata thought about it, Yamaguchi had been quieter than usual lately, even for his standards.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let out a sigh. Sugawara and Azumane were walking across the schoolyard, engaged in friendly chatter. They’ve changed, too. Not radically. Sugawara was still as solid as a rock, friendly, and doing his best to be supportive of his teammates. He used, however, a sharp tone sometimes during practice, which never happened before. Hinata had also overheard people talking about Sugawara in school. That he only got his position back in the team because of what happened and that he probably saw that as a blessing in disguise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata had grabbed one of those gossipers and told them to shut up which promptly earned him detention after school and it took him several apologies and more begging than he’d ever admitted to not miss practice that day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>People talked. A lot. And they didn’t seem to care how much their words hurt Sugawara. Hinata had no doubt that he was aware of what was said about him and it was eating on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Azumane smiled and laughed more than ever but at the same time, he walked more slumped over than before, as if it was too hard to keep his tall body upright outside the gym. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Please come back soon, Kageyama. The team needs you.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He pulled up his phone and typed a message but deleted it before hitting </span>
  <em>
    <span>send.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama had ignored every attempt at contacting him and the last time he tried to send a message, he got an error. Unknown number. All Oikawa had to say was, “Not yet.” Sometimes, he still wasn’t sure that Oikawa really was on his side but as long and hard as Hinata had thought about it, he couldn’t make sense of Oikawa’s behaviour if he assumed an evil long-term scheme. Also, Oikawa was the only link to Kageyama that he had, he had no choice but trusting him. It was hard but not as hard as feeling completely alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata! Tsukki! Yamaguchi!” Daichi had joined the other two third graders and waved at them. From all those who had been there that day, Daichi seemed the least affected. He was strict when necessary - and scary as ever. And friendly and supportive whenever he could. Hinata knew better, though. Daichi took his role as the captain very serious and made it his responsibility to keep the team together, no matter what. If he had to fake a smile for hours to do that, or be called cold and unsympathetic by the gossippers, then he’d deal with that, too. To Hinata’s shame, he hadn’t realized this on his own. He had overheard Daichi and Sugawara talking a while ago. He heard so many more things now that he and Kageyama weren’t in each others hair and having shouting matches or small running competitions anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He missed it. All of it. He’d stand still while Kageyama yelled at him for hours if it meant everything would go back to normal. If he’d only wake up from this nightmare and nothing of this would have happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shouyou, no! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata hurried to force a happy smile and cheerfully waved back at the third graders. He tried not to think of their last argument. It was horrible enough that the first time Kageyama called him by his first name was the last time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good job, Hinata!” Ukai caught the ball that came flying back to him. “You’ve gotten a lot better. You can take a break. Okay, everybody, go and work on your serves!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coach? Do you have a minute?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure. What is it, Sawamura?” He gestured to the team captain to follow him to the bench. As expected, Hinata was not here to take a break and had joined the others right away and worked on his serves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m worried about Hinata.” Sawamura kept his voice low, nervously looking around to make sure nobody was close enough to hear him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who isn’t. Anything specific on your mind?” Ukai opened his water bottle and gulped down half of its content, wishing it was beer. But if he had a cold one every time he felt like it lately he’d turn into an alcoholic before the first day of fall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t laugh when I say this-” Sawamura hesitated, folding and stretching his fingers. “He’s gotten better at receiving. Even his serves have become more reliable. I should be happy about that but somehow, I got a weird feeling about it. As if it isn’t a good thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I’m not laughing.” Ukai watched Hinata serve. There was barely anything to correct. His form was fine enough, the timing was right, the ball went over the net fast and landed in the opposite court. Not as strong as a jump serve or as fancy and deceiving as a float but a good, solid serve to get the ball into the game. Hinata barely looked after the ball and picked up another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what you mean,” Ukai said after Hinata made another serve that was almost a carbon copy of the previous one. “It’s not just that the reason behind his improvement is something to be happy about. That leaves a sour taste but that’s not all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Sawamura agreed. “There’s more to it, I’m just not sure how to put it into words. It’s like an ominous feeling.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s why I’m your coach, it’s my job to know what’s going on.” Ukai pointed at himself with a grin but deflated almost instantly as soon as he continued to talk. “At this rate, he’s about to become a solid allrounder. But that’s not what makes him Hinata. He’s losing his unpredictable, energetic side, the ingeniousness and excitement that allowed him to try whatever it takes, no matter how crazy or how often he fails.” Ukai counted four more serves from Hinata. All found their target, and all of them were the same. Simple and practical. “I’d rather work with him on his serves and receives for three more years until they are somewhat useful if he only got that creative spark back. Solid allrounders are a dime a dozen in high school volleyball. But just like there’s only one Kageyama, there’s only one Hinata.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that!” Sawamura nodded, kneading his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ukai had watched the captain’s face closely. He heard from Takeda that most teachers were only too happy to take the polite, easy-going smiles at face value, literally. It was easier that way. Ukai and Takeda knew it was a delusion. Sawamura was as disturbed as most team members but his calm facade made it difficult to help him. Ukai held back a frustrated grunt and turned his attention back to the court. Game strategies, analysis, serves, spikes, blocks. Those were the things he could explain and give pointers. He had a good idea of what to say when they lost a set or a match. Pep talk when one of the boys was down - fine, no problem, he could handle that, too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t equipped to help a bunch of traumatized teenagers after they witnessed one of them choking on his own blood after almost getting murdered. What was he supposed to say or do? He wasn’t even a teacher, he was a grocery store employee through nepotism! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But if he didn’t try, who would? Takeda did his best but he was pretty much the only teacher who gave a fuck that was worth more than tired platitudes. He could have those for free from the cheap calendars his mother gave away to their regulars each winter. As long as the kids kept up with their schoolwork and smiled now and then, nobody would go out of their way to offer support. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, the feeble efforts of a grocery store clerk-turned-coach-recently were better than nothing but it still wasn’t much. It’d be easier if he could invite them over to share a beer case or two. But how was he supposed to get through stubborn minors who insisted on smiling every troubled feeling away, like Sawamura? The unbreakable sarcasm of Tsukishima? Ukai always had difficulties to deal with the fragile ego of their gentle giant Azumane, his teammates did a better job at building him up, knowing when kindness was needed and when a kick in the butt. Tanaka was the only one who instinctively did what was the best approach for him - running, yelling, working out, hitting the ball as hard as he could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then there was Hinata. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wonder what Kageyama is thinking,” Ukai muttered, not aware he was voicing the thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Sawamura gave him a questioning look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Well.” He sighed, stretched his legs and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Eh, what the heck.” Sawamura was a sharp kid and the most mature of the bunch. Maybe treating him like the adult he’d soon be was just what Sawamura needed. “We all can see that Hinata is eaten alive by guilt, on top of worrying about his friend, naturally. You also know that Kageyama refuses to even be in the same room with him, right? Right.” Ukai’s expression became grim when Sawamura nodded. “It’s not like I don’t understand him. It’s been a lot, his life was in danger and the long-term consequences-” He vaguely waved his hand, as if speaking it out loud would bring ill luck. “I’m not surprised that Kageyama, being Kageyama, needs time to come to terms with it on his own before talking to- seeing others. But damn, it’s been over a month! He let you visit, didn’t he?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sawamura turned red, looking warily at Hinata who was too busy serving to notice them. Relieved, he nodded. “Yes. Just a few minutes. I told him that I’m glad he’s getting better and that the whole team is waiting for his return, no matter what. We don’t care. He wrote a polite ‘thank you’ on a piece of paper. But then I mentioned Hinata and he turned his back to me. I left shortly after.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Same experience for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Ukai started again. “I can’t really do much for Kageyama unless he comes to practice. But what do you think we should do about Hinata?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sawamura folded his hands, a deep frown on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hoped you’d have an idea. Because I’m at my wit’s end.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, me, too.” Ukai and Sawamura watched the other guys in silence. Everyone had changed a little, some showed it and used the ball to get rid of some of their dark emotions. Others tried to hide it and struggled to not let it influence their game. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What to do with Hinata? Who was as gifted as Kageyama in his own way. But if nothing happened, his future would be that of countless young men who once used to be decent, well-rounded volleyball player that just brought enough to the court to play for fun once per week, between the end of a work shift and the obligatory drinking session. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Four walls, one TV. A window, half-hidden behind curtains most of the time. Nice, simple, practicable, and nobody would ever know how much pain and how many bad memories these functional rooms absorbed over the years. The TV was an older model than the previous one and the wall colour was brighter where they painted over the damage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama tugged on the collar of his turtleneck sweater, pulling it as far up under his chin as possible to make sure it covered the bandages. How fitting that the room would never echo the pain it witnessed during his stay but he left a visible scar. At least he could hide his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure you got everything?” Oikawa was leaning against the door, arms crossed, and watching him with a bored expression. “I can’t wait to get out of here and I don’t plan to come back just because you forgot your panties or something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama gave him the middle finger but looked around one last time. He had had enough of Oikawa to last for a lifetime but he, too, had no desire to return once he was out. The wooden locker was empty, nothing was left on the bed or table. He didn’t bother with the bathroom, he doubted he forgot anything there and even if, it wasn’t anything that he couldn’t replace. Most items he used over the last weeks were essentials provided by the hospital and he hadn’t asked Oikawa to get much for him from home. Most of it he was wearing right now. Most of his stay he had spent in a hospital gown and then in the same shirt and shorts. He never wanted to touch those again and couldn’t wait for a good opportunity to burn them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was strange. When he was given the date a few days ago he was excited. Fife minutes later, the thought lost its appeal. Home. What was ‘home’ anyway? It was easy to tell what it used to be. The place to eat and sleep between practice. A refuge from school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A place to eat and sleep. By its own, it sounded so bland. He could have that anywhere, even here, without the cooking and cleaning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ready?” Oikawa was typing on his phone, probably one of his fans, judging from that stupid grin. Kageyama rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag. He walked up to Oikawa and nodded at the door. Oikawa nodded back, put his phone away, and they left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sank into the car seat as deeply as he could, pressing his shins against the dashboard and disappeared behind the screen of his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Feet down!” Oikawa shut the driver’s door and pushed Kageyama’s legs down. “My mom’s gonna kill me if I come home with one single scratch on her precious car.” He checked the mirrors while fastening his seatbelt, gesturing Kageyama to do the same. Making an annoyed grunt, he obliged. As if he cared if the car ended as scrap metal and his head smashed against the windshield.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t even think about it.” He checked the mirrors a second time and started the engine, his eyes fixated on the way ahead as he slowly navigated the hospital’s parking lot. “Your nurses still hold a grudge against me for the whole TV mess </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> made. I don’t want to imagine what they’d do to me if I return you to their care after scratching your face from the windshield.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama focused on his phone. Sometimes, Oikawa’s talent for reading the faces of those around him was creepy. On the other hand, that was what made him such an outstanding setter. It was a skill Kageyama lacked and feared he’d never learn, damming him to always be inferior to Oikawa. Well, not that it mattered anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, you got only cleared for school for now. Have you made up your mind if you want to go back tomorrow or rather on Monday? I still need to sign the stuff you need for your teachers.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama switched apps, typed, and held his phone into Oikawa’s field of vision.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Monday]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still not a fan of school, eh? But yeah, that’s probably the best. Regroup, get used to stuff, things like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama typed again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You can stop pretending that you care. You’ll get rid of me as soon as you sign the papers.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa shoved Kageyama’s hand away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I’m driving, keep it short! He stopped at a red light and leaned back with a groan, rubbing the back of his nose. “Listen, we might not be best friends but it’s not like I don’t care at all. Remember, I want you back on the court. Or have you forgotten about your sweet confession?” He grinned and patted the front pocket of his jacket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Do what you want.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean? Okay, you don’t spell it out word by word but even someone as oblivious as Hinata can’t miss what you actually said. And if he did, against all the odds, I’ll just translate. Or wait!” He chuckled, giving Kageyama a playful punch. “Are you actually gonna make a move on him tomorrow, eh? Did you actually grow some balls during your hospital stay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama rubbed his arm where Oikawa hit him, his face burning. He couldn’t deny that Oikawa had been helpful lately. Brought him clothes, talked to the nurses and doctor when Kageyama was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to deal with any of them. He was an ass and didn’t stop taunting him but he never overstayed his visits, Kageyama appreciated that. But Oikawa was still Oikawa which meant he was an idiot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[No, asshole. I’m quitting school.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“WHAT?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama pointed at the traffic light that had just switched back to blue. The cars behind them started to honk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Oikawa hissed through his teeth and hurried to get the car moving. “Don’t think this conversation is over, young man! Quitting! Fuck it, Tobio, stop being such a coward! Yeah, it’s gonna be hard but you can’t just give up like that. What are you going to do, anyway?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t expect such an angry outburst from Oikawa. It was confusing. That guy used to hate him. They might have come to a truce recently but that was just due to the circumstances. He understood that Oikawa had hoped to challenge him again. He had looked forward to that, too, and he used to have good reasons for that. He wanted to become better than him and proof it. Oikawa, though, as of today, was the better setter. He got what he wanted. Kageyama would understand disappointment, maybe frustration. But it confused him that Oikawa was downright pissed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stared at him for a moment, then he typed again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Work.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Work.” Oikawa snorted. They were going around a bend and the front tire went over the curbside. They both flinched. “Work. You. After just finishing middle school. You’re just fifteen! And sorry to offend, but if you think school and volleyball’s gonna be too hard for you because you’re mute, who do you think is going to hire you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama inhaled sharply and stopped breathing. The skin itched under the bandages. The raw pain was long gone but his throat felt as tight and obstructed as during the first days after his surgeries. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stared out of the side window for the rest of the drive. Once the car halted, he took his bag and opened the door without looking at Oikawa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Tobio.” Oikawa reached over and grabbed his arm. “Don’t do anything stupid. Give school and volleyball a try. You and I know you can’t just quit. It’s going to destroy you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Too late. It already did.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He shook off Oikawa’s arm, dropped his back on the passenger seat, opened it, and pulled out a folder. He flipped it open and held it under Oikawa’s nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this?” Oikawa looked at the line Kageyama pointed at with his finger. “Oh, right.” He took the folder, fished a pen from the glovebox, and filled in next Monday’s date and signed the document. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But don’t think I’ll sign any notice of resignation.” He handed the folder back to Kageyama, who immediately stuffed it into his bag and closed the zipper. “Sorry I can’t help you get settled, my mom needs the car back. If there’s anything-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama threw the door shut and without looking back, he walked to the house. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, no, no need to thank me, you’re more than welcome. Brat.” Oikawa watched his back while he unlocked the front door and disappeared behind it. He had to make sure he went to the follow-up with his doctor and sign those visits off but other than that, Kageyama wasn’t his responsibility anymore.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank god, I’d leave the country if I was stuck with a son like that.” He chuckled but he didn’t feel half as amused as he hoped to. He wasn’t responsible for him, they weren’t exactly friends, he didn’t even like him very much. Geniuses like him always went on his nerves. Yet, the situation didn’t sit right with him. He should possibly have tried harder to convince him to stay in school but at the same time, he had no idea what to say. Kageyama was just too damn stubborn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa looked at the time. Almost elven. Fuck, his mom needed the car in less than fifteen minutes and he’d at least need twenty minutes to get home, if he ignored the tempo limit here and there. He started the engine, grimly smiling. So what if he risked his new licence, life, and worse - his mother’s scorn, this challenge was still more up to his taste than dealing with a mopy Kageyama. He’d figure out something about the whole quitting school thing later. He had today and all weekend to worry about that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Half an hour and one short but stern scolding from his mother later, Oikawa was back in his room. His guardian duties had at least one good side, he had been allowed to leave school earlier today. It also meant that he had to waste some of his precious weekend to learn what he had missed before he left to meet with Iwaizumi and the others for some extra practice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He settled on his bed with his books and a soda when his phone vibrated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Hey! Dumbass! You coming later or not?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa grinned, relieved. Just Iwaizumi, charming as always. He should probably have confirmed their plans right when Iwaizumi suggested them. He typed back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[As if I’d ever ruin your lovely evening with my absence ♥]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reply came promptly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You make me sick. And how about you bring the money you owe me? It’s been weeks!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oikawa pulled a face. Oops, he had conveniently forgotten about that. Well, he’d simply forget about it again until the next time Iwaizumi reminded him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened the soda and his history book, enjoying the sweet drink a lot more than learning the event calendar of dead people. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His phone vibrated again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I’ll pay you back your dumb money, Scrooge-izumi.” He opened the message and dumped the soda as soon as he looked at it, the sticky, pink liquid glueing the pages of his book together and seeping into his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“FUCK YOU, Tobio!” Oikawa quickly rubbed his hands and the phone screen dry. “That’s it! I’m done shielding you! You deserve everything you have coming for you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey!” Tanaka waved at him as soon as he came through the door, his volleyball shoes in his hand. “Practising instead of lunch today?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep.” Hinata grinned back, dropping his backpack and himself on the nearest bench and changing his shoes. “Heard the gym is empty and wanted to work on my serves.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. The gymnastics team wanted to make use of the weather and work on their endurance with the track team. A shame, however.” Tanaka hugged the ball he was holding, a dreamy glaze coming over his eyes. “Have you seen how cute the first graders look in their gymnastics uniform? Or the third graders, so mature! And how they move! So graceful, so sensual. Alas! If they had only warmed up here before leaving, I’d gladly waited by the door.” He pressed the ball so hard, it slipped from his embrace. Groaning in despair, Tanaka ran to retrieve it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata giggled, got up from the bench, and stretched. His devotion for Shimizu apparently didn’t stop Tanaka from swooning over any girl that came into his sight. He didn’t get it. Girls were cute, some were really pretty, like Shimizu. Or cute and really good friends, like Yachi. Sooner or later, Hinata would find a sweet girlfriend, too, but it’d happen when it happened. Nothing to lose his mind about. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, serves, you said.” Tanaka jogged back to him, the truant ball firmly tugged under his arm. “One serves, the other receives, switching after ten. Sounds good to you? Noya’s gonna join in a bit. We can do some attacks then, he wanted to practise tossing anyway.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds good.” It was volleyball. Everything sounded good. Nothing less, nothing more. Hinata bounced on the spot, hoping that would do as a warm-up for his legs. If only Kageyama came back soon. Oikawa had contacted him only a handful of times during the last weeks and while Hinata had been glad that Kageyama was doing okay, none of the news told him what he wanted to hear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last message mentioned that they’d soon set a release date but nothing came after that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata looked wishfully at the open gym door. Any day now. Any day, he’d be back and then, he couldn’t run away from Hinata anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Daydreaming! Again! Just wait until I snitch to Kageyama!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” He turned around just in time to block the ball that was coming for his head. He caught it before it rolled off. Tanaka laughed loudly, his fists on his hips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just you wait! I’ll get back at you for that!” Hinata threw the ball high into the air, waiting for the right moment to hit it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Hinata, Is that your phone or mine?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mine!” Hinata hit the ball over the net and jogged back to the bench. Two message notifications. “Huh, one’s from earlier today, looked like I missed it.” He smiled sadly at the first one. It was from Oikawa, informing him that Kageyama was going home today and that Hinata should wait, he’d message him later. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second one was odd. It was also from Oikawa, starting with [DO SOMETHING!] before it continued with a forwarded text.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Thank you for your help, I appreciate it. But I’m not your problem. Don’t waste your weekend coming up with some bullshit to stop me. I mailed the school yesterday. I meet with the teachers in a few minutes to finish this before lunch is over. What’s done, is done. Thanks again. Leave me alone, please. Tobio]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata? What’s-?” Tanaka called but Hinata was already out of the gym.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So. Close.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They did their best to not openly stare at him but they whispered his name. Kageyama pulled up his collar, making certain the bandages weren’t visible. Just his luck that he didn’t get an appointment while classes were in progress. It made more sense; now, the teachers were free but he could have done without being watched by dozens of curious eyes. Like he escaped a freak show. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stayed away from the spots where the members of the team usually hung out if they weren’t practising somewhere. Running into one of them was the last thing he wanted to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He saw some of his classmates, relieved that nobody approached him. To make sure it stayed this way, he hurried across the school property and through the building as quickly as he dared without running. He kept his head down and avoided making eye-contact with familiar faces, hoping that those who thought him too unapproachable to talk to in the past wouldn’t change their minds in the hope of fresh gossip. Hands in his pockets, he clenched his fists. It wasn’t like he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell</span>
  </em>
  <span> them anything anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The principal and the vice awaited him. After shaking his hand and showering him with exclamations of regret and sympathy, they ushered him into the principal’s office. They invited him to sit down at a round, wooden table. The secretary was there, too, and gave him a pitiful look but didn’t say anything. She left after putting a pot of coffee on the table. Kageyama declined their offer of something to drink by shaking his head. This was easier than trying to explain how he preferred his tea or that he rather took it slow with sparkling water or soda for a couple of weeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one-sided conversation that followed was like a surreal stage play between two men and he was their only, unresponsive audience. The adults exchanged glances here and there; Kageyama was sure they felt as awkward as he did. More platitudes, that it was a shame for someone as young as him to experience something horrible, horrible like he did. Especially since they had such high hopes in him to bring honour to the name Karasuno and that he had such a promising future ahead of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He listened calmly. He understood what they were trying to say and he agreed with all of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If I had been called into this office any other day I wouldn’t have known what to say. I’d have nodded along just the same, mumbled something polite at the end, and left as soon as given permission. Why is doing more or less the same so much harder now? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the initial dignified speech from the principal, the vice principal took over most of the talking. The principal said less and less until he only nodded along gravely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Leaving the dirty work to the subordinate, I guess.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama would have loved to shorten this whole awkward meeting, making it easier for all of them. His hands rested on the black folder. He had brought the documents singed by Oikawa but had put them to the end of the pile. He wouldn’t need them anymore once he got out of this office. He breathed in deeply whenever the vice principal made a short pause to catch his breath and wipe his forehead with a handkerchief. Those were the perfect moments to interject. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just a little, “Excuse me” or “Actually…” or “I understand,” followed by handing over the necessary papers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What was he supposed to do instead? To make matters worse, he had forgotten to bring a notebook. The pen was in his bag but that alone was useless. He couldn’t even ask for something to write on. His eyes wandered from the principal to the vice, who was still talking. Kageyama barely listened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Do I raise my hand? Wave? Clear my throat? Is there a way to do this without being impolite? </span>
  </em>
  <span> He glanced to his left and quickly back at the two men. He hadn’t realized how much it had become a reflex to look at Hinata for guidance when he was confronted with the question of how much or less of a reaction was expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Imprisoned by his voiceless thoughts, he felt so lonely and isolated, the world around him might as well have fallen silent along with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck this. I’ll figure this out on my own. I don’t need an interpreter for manners.</span>
  </em>
  <span> So what if he came across ruder than intended. In a few minutes, he’d walk out of here and leave the school grounds to never return. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened the folder, took out the first three papers and shoved them across the table. Those were just documents from the hospital, a formality to excuse his absence and informing them of his new disability status. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The principal quickly went over them, the vice making a long neck to catch as much as possible without imposing too much. Before either could say anything, Kageyama handed them an envelope addressed at his home, the sender being the most recent residence of his sister that he knew of. It contained his resignation, signed with her signature. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” they both exclaimed when they read the document and sighed with so much relief that Kageyama felt sick on his stomach. This was the reasonable decision for all of them but it hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I see. I deeply regret that it had to come to this.” The principal folded the documents and put them back into the envelope.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Same. Let me go now, please! </span>
  </em>
  <span>This was harder than expected. His time at Karasuno, training under a member of the Ukai family, playing with that one person who was born to match him and complete his skill. All this came to an end, neatly signed and folded and tucked away in an inconspicuous white envelope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, the principal stood up. Like the vice, Kageyama hurried to follow his example.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please know that we’d have done anything to find a way to complete your studies with us to open the path to an academic career for you. But I understand that you wish to seek your future elsewhere.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama forced a smile when the shook their hands. Academic career. Everyone in this room, probably the whole school, knew that academics had never been an option for him. He might as well have said, “Too bad your grades suck so bad, even if we let you write the next few exams, you’d have failed gloriously anyway.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was about to grab his things and leave when there was a knock at the door. He didn’t care initially until he noticed the worried look between the two men. The principal cleared his throat and called to come in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A sense of foreboding sent a shudder down his spine and he slowly turned around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I’m late!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama wished he could turn invisible and run when he saw Mr. Takeda storming into the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand how this could happen. I was so sure the meeting would be half past noon, I must have misheard you. Oh, Kageyama, I’m so, so glad to see you!” Mr. Takeda took his hand and firmly held it between his. “I’m sorry I’m so late but I’ll try to advocate for you to the best of my abilities!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stared at their hands. Even if he could, he wouldn’t have had any idea what to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Mr. Takeda, the meeting was changed to an earlier time.” The vice principal wiped his forehead again. “I’m sure that’s not your fault that you didn’t know, I’ll have a word with the secretary. She probably forgot or couldn’t reach you in time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama took advantage of the distraction. He pulled his hand free and slipped out of the room unnoticed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The corridor was almost empty. Most students had moved to their preferred lunch spots by this time and unless they didn’t have any urgent business with the teachers they avoided this floor. He walked slower than he liked but he didn’t want to risk his footsteps catching Mr. Takeda’s attention. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He winced. Too late. He should have run. He longingly looked to the door leading to the stairway. He resigned. Nobody could punish him anymore. He could just make a run for it and be done. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, he couldn’t do that. Not to this teacher. Mr. Takeda had done so much for his- the team. There wasn’t much Kageyama could do to show his appreciation but he owed him at least basic politeness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Takeda had quickly caught up with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama, why?” He waved the envelope with his resignation papers in front of Kageyama’s face. “We don’t have much time so excuse me when I skip the poetry. It’s too early to give up! The team needs you and I think you need them more than anything right now. It got harder than it’s fair but please, Kageyama, let’s at least try to make this work! If we play our cards right, the school </span>
  <em>
    <span>has to</span>
  </em>
  <span> organize an interpreter for you or find other ways to assist you to graduate. And I know Ukai’s going to find a way to integrate you back into the team. And Hinata! You can’t do this to him!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama looked away, grinding his teeth. Hinata, Hinata. Everyone always had to mention Hinata. It was hard enough as it was, why did they have to pour salt into his wounds and make it worse?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama.” Mr. Takeda put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. “This is a unique situation and I admit the school isn’t equipped to give you the support you need. But please try to see this as another challenge. There’s always a bend behind the roadblock, not the end. We can get past this if we show a little courage and try!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Courage. At least someone who doesn’t call me a coward. Fuck you, Oikawa. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He didn’t have much use for Mr. Takeda’s long, passionate speeches, although he always appreciated the sentiment. This time, however, the words gave him an image he could work with. A road. But not one bend, but two, each with an overwhelmingly large roadblock. One was what waited for him if he left now. The other was what waited for him if he stayed and let Mr. Takeda talk. But he was one of the younger teachers and had only recently gained respect among the more experienced ones, when the volleyball team began to win. He doubted the principal would listen to anything he had to suggest that would require changes. But what if…?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“KAGEYAMA!” A voice shouted from the other end of the corridor. Kageyama’s stomach turned at the sight of the familiar mop of red hair.</span>
</p>
<p><em><span>Hinata!</span></em> <em><span>Why is he here?</span></em><span> Never mind that! He turned around on his heel and ran. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama!” Mr. Takeda called after him but politeness be damned! He had to get away before Hinata caught up with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Run. Run! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was the first time since that fateful day. His legs were heavy and sluggish, his muscles groaned, stiff from the long weeks of inactivity and fighting the memory of what they used to be capable of. His lungs hurt by the time he reached the stairs and his throat was burning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>RUN!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata! Wait!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Takeda grabbed Hinata by the collar and was almost pulled off his feet when he didn’t stop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let go!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s pointless! He just resigned!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata finally stopped. He glared at the teacher with angry eyes. Yet, Mr. Takeda noticed that he was close to tears. Poor Hinata. The kid’s heart was breaking a little more every day. But something told him that he could not let him run after Kageyama now. That was not the way but which one was it...he had to think fast. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know!” Hinata shouted to his surprise. “Why did you let him! I thought you were on his side!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata, quiet, please, I beg you!” Mr. Takeda shoved Hinata further down the corridor, nervously glancing over his shoulder. As he feared, the noise had alarmed the principal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything okay, Mr. Takeda?” The principal and the vice peeked from behind the door. They both looked impatient and not very amused by what was transpiring. Mr. Takeda was grateful that they were as overwhelmed by the situation as everyone else involved or they would have had his head before he had left the office with the papers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, sure. I’m back with you in a minute.” He smiled and patted Hinata’s shoulder, lightly kicking his foot, hoping his superiors wouldn’t notice. “This student has a question about his homework. I’ll quickly clear it up so he can go back to class in time. Please excuse us!” He bowed, put his hand on Hinata’s back and shoved him into one of the small conference rooms further down the corridor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, this should buy us a few minutes.” He sighed as he closed the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I don’t have any questions about homework. Wait, I have homework?!” Hinata’s expression switched from anger to panic so quickly, Mr. Takeda couldn’t help chuckling. he had heard the other kids tease Hinata, calling him dumb, single brain cell, dense. Hinata always took the words in a stride and could stand up for himself, so Mr. Takeda saw no reason to intervene. Most importantly, he didn’t think Hinata was dumb. He just was sometimes, well, a bit of an idiot and a scatterbrain. Not that he’d ever say that aloud, of course. But they didn’t have much time and he better got to the point and made use of Hinata’s attention while he got it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is his letter of resignation.” He held up the envelope. “He just handed it to the principals. My plan was to talk them into giving him a chance to figure out his role in the team, work on passing the next round of exams, and hopefully earn himself the status as the promising athlete that he is, despite everything. If that didn’t convince the school that accommodating him would be a good look good, nothing would.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata gave him a puzzled look and Mr. Takeda wondered if he was talking too much. This kind of business behind the scenes wasn’t meant for the ears of students. But he was kind of in a pinch here and that Hinata showed up when he did might just be what he needed to turn this disaster around. Yes, this could actually work. It could also crash and burn and end his fresh career in education but these two kids were worth the risk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know about that.” Hinata kicked the floor, ruffling his hair. “I just need him to come back. He can’t quit. He just can’t!” He raised his voice again and clenched his fist when Mr. Takeda gestured him to quiet down. “He can’t just give up like this. I won’t let him,” he whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you won’t. But you don’t have much time.” He held up the envelope again. “I can’t give you that but look - it’s not signed by the principal yet and there’s no copy. I’ll try to talk sense into them but that’s all in vain if you can’t talk sense into</span>
  <em>
    <span> him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh well, it’s probably pointless anyway.” He sighed, waving around the envelope as he paced the room. “I’ll have to give it back as soon as I leave the room. I swear, I’ll do my best to convince them to delay the acceptance for a few days but once they got this in their hands, I can’t make promises.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata’s eyes followed him, his expression so bland, Mr. Takeda swore he could see the gears in his head turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then....don’t!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nimble as a cougar, Hinata leapt forward, tore the envelope from Mr. Takeda’s hand, and sprinted out of the door fast as the wind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Mr. Takeda!” he shouted from the corridor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata! How could you! Better give it back right now!” Mr. Takeda called after him, sauntering to the door with a grin on his face. “Oh, how am I going to explain this! You’ll face severe punishment on Monday, young man!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Okay, that was that. Satisfied, he pulled up his phone. It would look better if he hurried to the principal to tell him the unfortunate turn of events than having his superiors come to look for him and the truth, so he better typed faster than Hinata could run. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata ran as fast as he could but he had been delayed for too long. Kageyama was nowhere to be seen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood in the middle of the yard, hand clenched around the envelope he had snatched from Mr. Takeda’s hand. He looked at it in disbelief. He had stumbled right into a ploy, hadn’t he? A ploy set up by his teacher, to stop Kageyama from doing the most stupid thing he had ever done. And if he hadn’t been so slow and had understood right away what Mr. Takeda had tried to tell him, he might have caught up with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at the sky and huffed. He didn’t even feel like crying anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to scream until he was bleeding from his throat and the universe was back in balance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Screaming at the sky, the bastard that had done this to them, the heads of the school who apparently were ready to just let him walk away. And at Kageyama himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What have I done to deserve this? That you won’t even talk to me in the presence of a teacher? If you hate me this much, why even push me aside and protect me?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>His phone vibrated. A call from Oikawa. Great. Probably the last person he wanted to talk to right now, half-forgetting that he wouldn’t even have had a chance to stop Kageyama if Oikawa hadn’t forwarded that damn message. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Guess I kinda owe him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Reluctantly, he accepted the call. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you stop him?” Not even a greeting. It was oddly comforting to hear ‘the great King’ sounding as exasperated as he felt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kinda, I think.” The envelope was heavy in his hand. To think that he was holding Kageyama’s future...Maybe talking to Oikawa for a moment wasn’t the worst thing that he could do. “For now he hasn’t quit. He just, well, kind of doesn’t know it yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have no idea what that means but that’s good, I guess. Did you finally talk to him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Hinata was shocked at how bitter his own voice sounded. “He ran when he saw me. But-” Explaining to Oikawa what just happened when Hinata himself was still trying to catch up with it proved about as difficult as expected. “His resignation letter got intercepted. For now.” He turned the envelope around, his eyes widening when he saw the front. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. That won’t stop him from handing in another one but with the weekend around the corner, that buys us time.” Oikawa’s voice was less tense and Hinata began to calm down. He re-read the print.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oikawa,” he said flatly. “I know you said I shouldn’t visit him until he says it’s okay. I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to see him now. What?” He frowned when Oikawa laughed at the other end of the line. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Funny, because I was just about to say that. I wanted to tell you - I’m proud of you for following my advice but now that things have changed, you must be brave and yadda yadda. You just ruined one of my finest speeches to date, Hinata!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck you!” He wasn’t as angry at him as he wanted to be but damn, that still felt good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Later. Do you need his address?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope.” He grinned at the envelope. “I got all I need.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good luck, Shorty. Do your worst!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata ended the call without wasting more time on entertaining Oikawa’s hunger for banter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay. My bag first, then to my bike, and I’ll be on my way.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Technically, he still had class after lunch and practice after that but he probably was already in hot water for stealing important documents from a teacher. If he was in for detention, he might as well make it count. There was a chance of finding one of the others still in the gym if he hurried, if he explained to them where he was going and they explained the situation to the coach, maybe Ukai showed mercy. He’d skip for the greater good, after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stuffed the envelope away and sprinted to the gym. He more fell than walked through the door and came to an abrupt halt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Coach Ukai was already there, despite it being hours until practice. With him were Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, the latter pouting over something and rolling his eyes towards the ceiling when he spotted Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coach, uhm, I…” Hinata started, kneading his fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know.” Ukai raised his hands to interrupt him. “I was on my way here anyway when Takeda messaged me. Who’d have thought that he could be such a fox.” Ukai grinned and nodded in appreciation, then he continued. “Hinata, you need to go to Kageyama now and kick his butt. I’ll meet Takeda in the principal’s office as soon as we’re done here and pull a plan out of my ass to convince them to give him a chance in the meantime.” He pulled a face. “Coming back to this gym is one thing, The principal’s office isn’t really a place I need to revisit. Anyway. If Takeda and I don’t want to lose our credibility with the higher-ups, Kageyama needs to come back. Knock him unconscious and drag him to the court if you have to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima snorted but shut up when Hinata, Ukai, and even Yamaguchi shot a sharp glare at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I have to, yes,” Hinata growled. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to this but if it did, he’d make sure he didn’t regret anything. “I better be on my way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In a minute. Thanks to our life of the party here-” He slapped Tsukishima hard enough on the back to make him stumble forward. “I might not have to bullshi- improvise too much on the spot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.” Tsukishima checked the time on his phone, sounding as irritatingly indifferent as always. “But why do I have to be here for this? I don’t want to be late for class.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, it would be rude if I took all the credit for what’s essentially your idea, wouldn’t it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d have lived.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi hissed and Tsukishima fell quiet again. Hinata was tempted to look up the time on his own phone. He was getting more and more impatient, feeling like he was losing valuable time. But Ukai was clearly on his and Kageyama’s side, so he tried his best to remain calm and respectful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m missing something here. Not that’s something new, I know.” He gave a pointed glance in Tsukishima’s direction who was too busy inspecting his nails to take the bait. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s get to the point,” Ukai said. “I don’t want to let Takeda wait longer than necessary either. Tsukishima mentioned he saw you reading this morning. A very specific book which might turn out very helpful.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yes.” Hinata thought back to the morning when Tsukishima mocked him for the mere fact that he was reading. And now he was supposed to believe he mentioned it casually to Ukai? Tsukishima never did anything casually, he usually thought himself about that. Hinata swallowed the questions and went to his backpack. He took out the book and handed it to Ukai. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Beginner’s Guide to Japanese Sign Language,” Ukai read half-aloud and began flipping through the pages. “Yes, yes! This could work. We can make this work! Hinata, you’re a genius!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata blushed. Ukai’s excitement felt good after the crazy last minutes. He didn’t even have to ask what the coach had in mind. Hinata had been thinking about it since the gift Oikawa mentioned arrived. He just hadn’t known how to approach it with the others. There was hope, printed on a few hundred pages and contained by a hardcover. But if this had been one of those ideas that sounded only good to him and would make the others laugh - he lacked the strength to deal with more disappointment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I could lend you the book, but…” The thought of being separated from this ray of hope for longer than a few hours made him feel nauseous. It was silly to cling to an abstract idea, especially since Kageyama still refused to talk to him. But it was what helped him slug on through the last weeks and he wasn’t ready to give it up over the weekend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand.” Ukai handed it back to him. “It won’t hurt to give Kageyama a headstart of a few more minutes. It should be quick but I need your help to pick out the most helpful pages. If we hurry and get to the closest copier right now, you can be on your way in ten, fifteen minutes. In return,” he added and winked when Hinata shifted uncomfortably. “Takeda and I will excuse you for skipping school for the rest of the day.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry, this is a long one 😅</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>So that was it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama was staring at the insides of the fridge. His bag was lying on the floor, coldly kicked under the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oikawa, that idiot.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He grabbed one of the small milk packages and gave it a tentative shake. He shuddered when the lumpy mass inside moved and quickly put it back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thought he’d take the chance to pilfer my fridge. Or does he suddenly stop being an asshole when he’d actually be useful?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Where exactly the usefulness lied if Oikawa had stolen his drinks and food he couldn’t answer. At least, he wouldn’t have had to bother with throwing out spoiled food.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that there was much else left to do today so he might as well take care of it. He grabbed an empty trash bag and shoved open packages, rotten meat and vegetables, and everything past the expiration date away. No more homework, no more learning, no more practice. He dropped the bag next to the trash can. He shuddered at the thought of its content and postponed dealing with that to a later time. After two months, a couple of extra days didn’t matter. He found an untouched water bottle and returned to the living room, his phone in the other hand. No new messages. Oikawa had left him on read after the last one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Not that I expected him to say anything. His job’s done. Who cares that he doesn’t give a fuck? It’s not like he’s the only one.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He had hoped the meeting with the principal would go over smoothly. Yet, that they didn’t even try to suggest anything, that hurt. He’d have rejected any unrealistic plan, of course, as it would have been expected, but still. Now he wasn’t even worth a half-hearted lie. It had bugged him so much that, for a moment, Mr Takeda’s words chipped away at his resolve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then Hinata had to show up and to remind him why he had to leave the team and the school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He flipped his phone on the couch and unscrewed the water bottle so violently that a good amount of water splashed over his hand and on the floor. His curse came out as a frustrated grunt as he wiped his hands while trying to not spill more. Then, finally, he took a generous sip, and almost spit it out. This was the first time since the attack that he drank sparkling water. It wouldn’t do any damage but his throat still felt raw and tender. He couldn’t tell if this was caused by the damage that was supposed to have healed enough for him to eat normally or if he just wasn’t used to it anymore. Like the first time, he was given solid food for lunch and he choked on the smallest bites. The doctors and nurses assured him it was all in his head, he was fine. But knowing that made him only feel worse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He put the lid back on the bottle and tossed it next to his phone. He’d have to go out and buy groceries and still water but not today. He didn’t want to do anything today but lay down on his bed and wait for this day to be over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door to his room was still closed. He hadn’t been inside earlier. He had crafted his resignation letter in the kitchen and left without bothering to carry his bag into his room. When he returned, he stayed in the kitchen. Now, the door only inches away from his hand, he couldn’t bring himself to open it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was only a few steps from there but between him and his bed wasn’t only the door but also his spare gym shoes and one of his volleyballs on the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hands were shaking and turned around to sit down on the sofa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. FUCK!</span>
  </em>
  <span> His hands trembled harder. He had known only one way to release his emotions and that was taken away from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No more shouting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No more volleyball.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No more Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His head hurt and he closed his eyes. It had been too perfect. Maybe that wasn’t the right word to describe it but that was what it was. Had been. He had always been at home on the court but since he joined Karasuno, it was the first time he felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>heard.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Between all their arguments, swearing, shouting at each other, once they stood on the same side, he wasn’t cursed, threatened, or rejected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata could hear him through all that noise and now that had been taken away from him, too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought of going back and not having that anymore, or worse, to see Hinata find it or something better with Sugawara or any other setter...It had been frustrating enough to witness over and over again how easily Hinata was impressed by every somewhat decent player from other teams, especially when they were loud, flashy, and outgoing. But now he didn’t have anything to hold against it anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata would go his path. By the end of high school, he’d have mastered the basics and find other, equally strong players and other setters that could draw the best out of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama had wished that for him and still did. However, now that he couldn’t walk the same path he couldn’t bear to stand still and watch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So much strength and energy, I never got how he fit all that into his small body.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Along with a loud voice, hot temper, iron-strong will, cheerful laughter, and wide smiles. Kageyama reached for his phone and went through the contacts, looking for anything to distract him. He probably should message his sister that he was back at home. She might also give him a clue or two about how to start his job search, as he didn’t have the faintest idea where to begin. He didn’t really want to but he couldn’t avoid it forever. Most of the money his grandfather left him was tied to his education and he wasn’t sure what would happen to that now. The rest wouldn’t last forever. On the other hand, Oikawa had been right, there wasn’t a job market for mute teens who had no skills besides volleyball, and he was well aware of his lack of people skills. He wasn’t even exceptionally smart when volleyball wasn’t concerned so even if he began to try to find something today it might take weeks, if not months until he found something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed his contact list. He didn’t feel like hearing from Miwa but he felt even less like sending a message into the void and wait for an answer until next month. Who knew where she was and how busy her job kept her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A loud ruckus outside pulled him out of his daze. He recognized the angry voice. It belonged to Daigo Yamada, the elderly man who lived downstairs with his wife since his grandfather’s death. He’d have to go to them and somehow explain the situation soon, too, but right now sounded like a shitty time, especially when the old man was this aggravated, whatever was the reason. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood up to go to the window and see what was going on out there but then he almost fell over his own feet when he saw the source of the second voice before he heard it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama!” Hinata slammed his hand against the window, the glass vibrating under the force. Hell knew how he even got up there. Kageyama blinked a few times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Did that idiot really climb the rain gutter?! How...and…”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me in!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s it, I’m calling the police!” Yamada shouted from the yard. “Punks these days!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The threat of the police coming got him moving again and he hurried to the window. Too perplex to think of anything else, he opened it and nimble like a feral ginger kitten, Hinata jumped inside. The look of his face was indeed feral and Kageyama escaped it as he leaned over the window sill, waving at the old man and forcing a smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me that punk’s a friend of yours!” He shouted. His wife stood next to him, looking shocked when Kageyama nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cat got your tongue, kid? I asked you a question and I expect-” His wife interrupted him by pulling his arm and whispering to him. If it was why he didn’t get an answer, Kageyama didn’t want to know how she knew. But he gladly took the chance to quickly close the window and shut them out. He’d write them an apology note later. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stared through the closed window. The spacey living room suddenly felt narrow and too warm around him as a pair of angry brown eyes glared at his back. The silence was suffocating but there was nowhere he could run to escape it without facing Hinata. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re an asshole, Kageyama.” Hinata’s voice quivered, even when he laughed. “You know, I thought over and over what I wanted to say to you once you finally let me visit. But you never did. Not even a message. If it weren’t for Oikawa I wouldn’t even know that you were released from the hospital. And up to the dumbest bullshit ever.” His bitter laugh pierced something inside of Kageyama as painfully and as deep as the knife. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear and he did not want to be the reason behind it. He slowly turned around. Hinata looked up at him. The last time his face was like this, they ended up in a brawl and didn’t talk for weeks. But then Hinata’s eyes fixated on his throat and something changed. His hands were still clenched to fists and shaking and his cheeks red but it was like something in him deflated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re pissing me off,” he said, choking out the words. “Because you give no fuck about what all this is doing to me. And to make things worse, I feel like shit for thinking that because nothing of it compares to what you’re going through. Don’t you think I don’t know that? But doesn’t what</span>
  <em>
    <span> I</span>
  </em>
  <span> think count at all?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What do you want from me? I can’t do anything for you, I can’t make this go away. Just stop worrying, you idiot! I’m sorry, okay? I don’t want you to feel like that, just move on already, go back to the gym and ask Ukai to teach for decent serves for fuck’s sake! You’re wasting your time here, dumbass! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Deep, intense emotions welled up inside of him. This was how it always was. In his head, the words were clear but then he began to feel and everything became a blur and nothing he said - or shouted - ever resembled what he was thinking. And now, it didn’t matter because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say or what he should, he only wanted to be left alone with his thoughts and for Hinata, this damn, dumb, idiot, to forget it and leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>“Ah-” was all that left his lips and suddenly, he was cold. He had forgotten about it. His clammy fingertips touched his throat. He had really forgotten about it. He looked at Hinata in horror. Hinata stared back, his eyes wide and his skin pale. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was real.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You did know, didn’t you? They must have told you but why that face? Hinata? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he couldn’t ask because this was real. There was no need for an answer anyway because Hinata’s shocked, pained face mirrored how Kageyama felt at this very moment, for the first time since his doctor gently broke the news to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You can’t hear me anymore.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He dropped his hands and looked at the floor. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because nobody can. Ever again. This...it isn’t a nightmare. It’s real. It’s not the tubes or the sutures or fresh scars. This is real.</span>
  </em>
  <span> His shoulders twitched as he choked up. His eyes burnt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry…I’m sorry,” Hinata whispered. The anger was gone and his voice had lost all its perkiness. It was sad, flat, and quiet. Kageyama looked up but Hinata’s face had turned into a blurred, reddish silhouette. He touched his face, barely believing that after all those weeks, he had to see Hinata to finally cry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!” Hinata sniffled. Suddenly, Kageyama felt his weight around his neck. He stiffened, unable to move or do anything. He stared past Hinata’s head, his hands useless and limp by his side while Hinata sobbed against his shoulder, repeating over and over again that he was sorry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Not like this...I never wanted it to be like this…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just stood there, his mind empty, letting the tears stream over his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He flinched when Hinata’s voice changed, his words coming out with an edge of disgust but not against Kageyama.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is all my fault,” he said, still holding on to Kageyama and sobbing. “Why did you have to do this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No no no no! </span>
  </em>
  <span>His hands were trembling again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It shouldn’t have been you,” Hinata forced out between sobs. “It would only have been my stupid, stupid face. No wonder you hate me now. I’m sorry. You’re right.” He hiccuped but the moment his grip, Kageyama’s hands clawed into the back of Hinata’s jacket and he pulled him close so forcefully, it knocked the air out of Hinata’s lungs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not your fault! I don’t blame you! I’m glad it wasn’t you! I don’t hate you! Stop blaming yourself! Stop it! It’s not your fault! I don’t hate you!</span>
  </em>
  <span> All he could do was repeatedly shaking his head until his neck hurt. Nothing about his tears was silent anymore. That invisible barrier inside of him cracked when he had seen Hinata and broke down completely as he felt Hinata’s weight and warms against his chest and was forced to listen to him cursing himself. Weeks of pain, fear, nightmares, the horror of never being able to speak again, it all broke through and came out at the same time. Tears and snot chortled in the back of his throat as he sobbed until his face hurt, desperately clinging to his only friend. His body was trembling and his knees gave in under the helplessness of being unable to tell him that it was not his fucking fault. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His weight pulled Hinata down, or maybe Hinata was to shaken by his own crying that had turned too violent for him to speak. So they sat on the floor under the living room window, holding on to each other while the sun wandered around the house. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata had sprinted to his bike as soon as Ukai gave him back his book and told him to do his thing and that he was looking forward to seeing them on Monday. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>See them.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Coach Ukai sounded so confident about it, as if he had no doubt that whatever Hinata was going to do would convince Kageyama to come back. He wished he felt at least half as confident about. Also, he had no idea what </span>
  <em>
    <span>his thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> was supposed to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had been in this neighbourhood before, when his family visited a friend, and he didn’t have to search for long to find Kageyama’s address. It looked nice enough from outside, clean and orderly. There wasn’t much more to say about it and frankly, the house could have been surrounded by the Gardens of Babylon or a barb wire fence, he couldn’t have cared less. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He found two nameplates next to the door. He hadn’t heard the name written on the first one before and forgot it right away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hit the doorbell next to Kageyama’s name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried again with the same result. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dammit.” He kicked the ground and chewed his lip, wondering if there was a hidden security camera. If there was, it wouldn’t be a surprise that nobody opened. On the other hand, he couldn’t really be sure that Kageyama went straight home after leaving school. Hinata shook his head. No, that didn’t seem right. He couldn’t imagine where else Kageyama would go to hang out when he wasn’t at school or practice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glared at the door. Could he know for sure, though? He had never asked him. Suddenly, he felt silly that he never assumed that Kageyama had a life outside the hours they spent in each other’s proximity. Just because Hinata didn’t know of any other friends it didn’t mean he didn’t have any. After all, he hadn’t even known that he had a sister. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck this.” He slammed his forehead against the door. This wasn’t the time and place to worry about the secret lives of Tobio Kageyama. If he wasn’t at home he’d come back sooner or later. If he was at home, he refused to let Hinata in. Either way, he had to find a way inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata stumbled forward when the door opened and pulled back so abruptly, he almost fell backwards. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want, kid?” a cantankerous voice barked. A short, stout man stood in the doorframe, his back bent, and his tanned face almost disappearing under the additional wrinkles of his frown. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, I wanted to see Kageyama. Sir.” Hinata gave a quick bow and stood stiffly, his eyes searching the face for any family resemblance. Aside from grumpy, he didn’t find anything. Then again, aside from his own grandparents and the elderly volleyball coaches, most older people looked the same to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what do you expect me to do about it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Geez, no reason to be rude, geezer. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But he forced a polite smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you could let me in, if you were so kind. Are you his grandfather?” Smiling became even harder when the old man laughed contemptuously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I raised children with manners, and they know to do the same. I always told old Kazuyo that he’s too soft on those brats but did he ever listen? He died a couple of years ago, that poor fool.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata swallowed a sharp remark. He had called Kageyama far worse names than brat but that was different, somehow. However, fighting with this old jerk and being kicked off the property wouldn’t help his cause. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not that bad,” he couldn’t resist muttering in Kageyama’s defence. “And it doesn’t matter, I need to talk to him. It’s urgent.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The old man looked at him with bleary eyes and adjusted his glasses. Hinata’s mouth twitched. It was like looking 50 years into the future, Tsukishima’s future. He could only hope that Tsukki would shrink like that, it would serve him just right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if he doesn’t open, he doesn’t open. Not much I can do about it. Aren’t you kids glued to your phones all day anyway? Give him a call. Or don’t those things do that anymore nowadays? I swear.” He shook his head and without a word of goodbye, he turned around and closed the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously? And you call him a brat? Thanks for nothing!” Hinata called after him, quite forgetting his manners. He usually did his best to be respectful and his mother would give him a good ticking off if she heard him talking like this to elderly strangers. But he was on a short fuse and it was steadily burning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He caught a curtain from one of the first-floor windows moving when he turned away from the door. Half reluctantly, half spitefully, he pulled his phone from his bag and texted Oikawa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[He doesn’t let me in. Talked to some useless cranky geezer. What now?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reply came promptly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Ah, yes, Mr. Yamada. His wife is quite nice, though. A bit on the gossipy side but I think she liked me.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata breathed in slowly. He desperately wanted to scream. Instead, he typed, [WHAT NOW??!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Yamadas live on the first floor, Tobio on the second. You’re the creative genius, I’m sure you can figure something out.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Is that wishywashy for trespassing and breaking in?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Hinata! That’s illegal! As if I would ever suggest something like that!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gottcha.” He put the phone away and looked at the second floor. He had thought of sneaking into Kageyama’s hospital room a dozen times a day and a part of him still regretted he didn’t do it. But forcing his way into a house after two separate residents more or less signalled him to fuck off, that was something he might cause regrets whether it worked or not. The school suspension and grounded until he was 30 kinds of regrets. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slowly pushed his bike past the house. There was a large second-floor window on the west side, right next to a rain pipe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Screw this!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Whatever would happen to him if he failed, it couldn’t be worse than living with the knowledge that he didn’t even try. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata leaned back when Kageyama let go of him to wipe his eyes. Hinata did the same, not worrying that he’d soil the sleeve of his school uniform. They had both cried so much against each other’s shoulder, the only way for their clothes was into the laundry. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Kageyama’s face was calm, now that he had stopped crying. His eyes were red and he avoided to look at Hinata. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Do your thing! Very funny. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He didn’t have a thing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Their</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing was to get angry at each other and yell it out, pout, and then do better. Well, he had yelled at Kageyama moments ago and he hated it. He hadn’t even planned to do it. But when he saw him, finally saw him after all those weeks, he couldn’t help himself. All the pretty speeches about apologies and begging for forgiveness had been wiped from his mind. He was tempted to apologize again but sensed it wouldn’t do anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood up and went for his bag. Funny, he didn’t even remember dropping it to the floor. He rummaged through his stuff for a crinkled tissue pack. He took one for himself and squatted down in front of Kageyama, offering him one, who took one with a nod. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s so strange. It’s so easy to forget that he can’t even say thanks. Not even that. Nothing. It’s one thing with the shouting, name calling, and all that. But somehow, it’s the little things that hurt the most. Maybe they hit harder because they’re easier to forget?</span>
  </em>
  <span> For the first time, he doubted that his plan to get him back into the team was enough. It hadn’t really hit him before how much bigger this was. He was convinced that they could figure it out on the court. Especially both of them. He didn’t need Kageyama to verbally communicate with him. They just clicked, so much so, it was eerie. He pressed his jaws together until the joints hurt. Eerie or not, he wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Kageyama had to come back because that was where he belonged, sure, but selfish or not, Hinata wanted his setter back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stood up and flopped down on the couch. He tossed a water bottle to Hinata who caught it with ease, with his left hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes. That’s why.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He opened the bottle and gulped down the water. After all this crying, it was the best. He drank half of it and offered it back. Kageyama reached for it, hesitated, and shook his head. Hinata shrugged and drank the rest while Kageyama typed on his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama, you-” Hinata’s phone vibrated. Kageyama nodded and Hinata opened the message.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[No.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, come on, I didn’t even say anything yet!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I know what you want to say, the answer is no.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bullshit.” Hinata felt his temper sparking back to life. He ignored the next incoming message. “No, listen to me for once. You probably think you have become some martyr king who has to fight this alone. Because that’s easier than trying and fail, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama looked at his phone but didn’t type. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too bad you’re an idiot because you got it all wrong. The whole team is behind you. Ukai said if I don’t drag you back on Monday I don’t need to come back either.” That wasn’t quite the truth but exaggerating a bit couldn’t hurt. And it did work. Kageyama looked up with wide, shocked eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sooo-” Lying wasn’t his thing, he hated to be lied to and lying to others was even worse, and not something he was good at anyway. But this was for the greater good. “If you want me to be kicked from the team...because you’re a coward…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama hissed through his teeth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Could everyone just stop calling me that? I’m not a coward! I’m a cripple!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t say that!” Hinata had a good mind to throw his phone against Kageyama’s head. “Only assholes call others that. No, you know what, even Oikawa wouldn’t use that word!” He risked a smile when Kageyama snorted but when he sent another message, Hinata’s phone didn’t react.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dammit. Forgot to charge it last night.” He shoved it into his bag, stood up from the floor and sat down on the couch, next to Kageyama. “I can’t see what you said, tilt it to me, please.” He moved closer to have a better look at the screen and chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Hinata, you’re an idiot!] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See? And that’s why you have to come back. Or do you think the others can handle an idiot like me on their own? Please, Kageyama!” Hinata leaned his head against his shoulder. “Give it at least a try! Come to practice on Monday. I get you’re scared but I don’t believe one second that you really want to stop playing volleyball forever.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama started coughing and jumped up, almost dropping his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did I say something weird?” Hinata cocked his head, then groaned. “Oh! You are thirsty, too, aren’t you? Sorry, I shouldn’t have drunk the whole bottle!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama shook his head and patted Hinata’s hear before he hurried through one of the doors that Hinata assumed led to the kitchen. He heard water rushing from a faucet and a moment later, Kageyama was back, with a glass of tap water for himself and another water bottle for Hinata. Hinata gratefully took it and handed him back his phone in return. Kageyama typed but didn’t sit down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Even if I wanted to come back, it’s too late. I met with the principal today and I think they were glad to see me go.] He held the screen in front of Hinata’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata read the reply and grinned. Grinned even wider when Kageyama looked at him in confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[What’s so funny?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata reached for his back pocket and pulled out the folded, crumpled envelope. He waved it in front of Kageyama who stared at it in shock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seen that one before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama put his glass on the floor and focused on his phone. Hinata waited but then Kageyama lunged at him and tried to snatch the envelope from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata was faster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly jumped up and, standing on the sofa, out of reach. He was waving the envelope like a fan, grinning down at Kageyama.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what it’s like to always look down on others.” He bent down - holding the letter out of reach - and patted Kageyama on the head. “I think I could get used to this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Grunting, Kageyama jumped high and almost got the letter. Hinata twisted his arm away and Kageyama crashed into him, knocking him over. They fell, Kageyama’s hand behind Hinata’s head when he hit the wall behind him. Somehow, he had managed to keep his balance without fully landing on Hinata and crushing him under his body. Hinata took advantage of Kageyama’s hesitation and slinked away, still holding his trophy in his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I probably shouldn’t tell this to anyone, but Mr Takeda more or less gave it to me. After </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> took it from the principal’s office.” All smiles were wiped off his face and Kageyama looked at him in horror when Hinata slowly ripped the envelope in half. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t fully get the details but from what I understand this was the only written proof of your stupid decision.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tore through the two halves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“While I was on my way here, Mr Takeda and Coach Ukai talked to the principal, to convince the principals to work something out for you.” He let the small pieces flutter to the floor. The glass from before was close and for good measure, Hinata’s foot knocked it over. Water spilt over the shredded paper, making it unsalvagable for good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everybody’s trying hard for you. How about you show up on Monday to do your part?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Do you know that frustration when you just want to smack the heads of two certain dorks together and don't you love to hate it, too?</p>
<p>Thanks for the comments on the last chapter! I know, I know, ignorant voices say we as fic writers should be above kudos and comments and all the good stuff but screw that, your comments make my day, and I love (re-)reading them ♥</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hinata waited for a reply, in whatever form. Written words, a nod, a punch to the face. Anything. Muffled voices and laughter came from downstairs. The only noise on this floor was the buzzing from the fridge in the kitchen. This living room didn’t compare to the organized chaos he was used to from his home. The layout was simple and practical as many others, the only odd thing was the lack of an entrance area. The apartment door led right into the living room. A couch and armchair set arranged along one wall, facing the TV at the opposite wall. A low couch table, two bookshelves, both mostly empty. There were two framed pictures on one shelf but no other decoration. The only thing that gave it some character was the layer of dust on the surfaces. Aside from that, it was cold and bland. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the midst of it, between the couch and table, a storm was brewing. The air between them was tense and heated. If Hinata reached out now, he’d fear to burn his fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Idiot. Loser. Dumbass. What do you know? That’s what you’d say to me if you could, right? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hinata swallowed hard. He’d give his right hand if it meant to undo what happened to Kageyama. Yet, he felt a sense of relief that Kageyama couldn’t hurl his usual barrage of insults at him and Hinata’s stomach threatened to turn for feeling that way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stomped towards him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. To Hinata’s surprise, he wasn’t tempted to yell at him. He wasn’t afraid. If Kageyama started a fight, he would fight back. If they brawled, they brawled. They had done that before. If they didn’t fight, they’d find another way to solve this. The worst thing he could imagine to happen was Kageyama kicking him out and that was barely worth being called a threat because Hinata had no intention of leaving him alone before he got that “Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thought of the many times he had shrunk back and wanted to hide behind the taller team members when Kageyama got that hard look on his face and the blue eyes glared at him. He used to be scared of - what? And suddenly, it clicked in his brain. At first, he was afraid the scorn of a player with Kageyama’s reputation and skill could send him, Hinata, off the court for good. Then, when at some point they had become friends without even realizing it, he feared the cold anger would be the end of the team they had become. He’d lose that one setter who could bring out the most of his speed and jumps and his friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But now, there was nothing to fear. Because there was nothing to lose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just when Kageyama almost pulled him off his feet, Hinata looked up at him. Kageyama’s face was an angry grimace but his eyes were different. They were dark with desperation. Pure, unadulterated desperation. But for what exactly? And that was when it clicked a second time. Hinata smiled and put his hand on Kageyama’s wrist.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you send that message?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama’s face changed immediately to an apprehensive, almost fearful expression. Hinata did his best to remain calm despite wanting to jump in triumph. No confusion, no questions which message he was talking about. Because Kageyama knew exactly what Hinata meant. He let go of Hinata and staggered backwards, as if he was the one who had just lost his footing for a second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to tell Oikawa about your plan to quit today.” Hinata refused to break off eye-contact and stepped closer, the soggy, torn envelope making a squishy noise under his shoe. “If you hadn’t none of us would have had an idea. Oikawa wouldn’t have messaged me. Mr. Takeda would have been forced to hand your papers back to the principal. He and Ukai wouldn’t have much of a chance arguing on your behalf and I wouldn’t be here. Why did you send that message, Kageyama?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama looked away, his face red. His arms were hanging by his sides, hands to fists, and shaking. Then, he let out a long, heavy sigh. He let himself fall on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Hinata spotted his phone between the cushions, picked it up, and sat down next to him. In the middle of this big mess, he felt oddly good about himself. A weird hunch had been nagging on him since Oikawa forwarded him the message but he couldn’t place it anywhere. But now the parts were just falling into place - it was weird because it didn’t make sense, and the second he realized why it didn’t make sense, he could make sense of it. And apparently, he was right and that was ridiculously satisfying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this how smart people feel all the time? I hope not or I’ll get envious of Tsukki. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well, he could indulge in that feeling at a later time, he had more important things to do and he better got them done while he was on a roll.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” He nudged Kageyama with his shoulder and offered him the phone when he looked at him. The desperation was now written all over his face, along with fear. He looked so forlorn that Hinata had to hold himself back from giving him another hug. Despite what happened earlier, Kageyama had never been big on hugging and so all it would do was probably to make Hinata cry again and that would not help anyone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama took his phone back and stared at the screen. A moment passed. Hinata had to sit on his hands to stop himself from pushing him. He had had so many lessons in patience over the last weeks, he could handle another few minutes. He hoped. Finally, Kageyama started to type. Hinata stretched his neck but Kageyama turned away, blocking the view on the screen. From the way his fingers moved, he was writing a lot but also deleting most of it several times. Hinata waited what felt like a full hour. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Kageyama handed him his phone, there were only a few words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I don’t know why. I swear I don’t. I knew it was dumb while I typed it but refused to think about it. I just had to.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh.” That was less than illuminating but Hinata believed him. He thought of saying something but instead, he typed right under Kageyama’s text before he handed him the phone back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I think you wanted someone to stop you.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama’s eyes widened when he read the text. He looked at Hinata and back at the screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I don’t know.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Again, Hinata believed him. He was beginning to feel giddy. He had been scared and worried for weeks and somehow, this helpless ‘I don’t know' made him feel hopeful for the first time. He took the phone and typed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’m stopping you.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama snorted when he read the reply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You. And how do you plan to do that?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll beg you this whole weekend if I have to. And if that doesn’t help,” Hinata grinned. “Ukai gave me permission to knock you out and drag you back if I have to and the more I think about it, the more I like the idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stared at his phone but Hinata could see that he was trying to hide a grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’d like to see you try!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that a challenge?” he shot back, his grin widening. Kageyama glanced up at him, grinning back. A warm tingling was taking over Hinata’s stomach. That’s how he liked to see his friend. He made a sign with his hand but before Kageyama reacted, a knock on the door interrupted them, making both of them jump. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama rolled his eyes and was about to stand up but Hinata put his hand on his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want me to deal with that?” He had no idea why he was even suggesting this. Obviously, whoever was visiting didn’t come to see him. He only had this vague urge to help Kageyama out but also, to get rid of whoever this was as quickly as possible before they could ruin the fragile mood. He was finally getting somewhere and he was so close to getting Kageyama to agree to come back. He half expected him to reject his offer but Kageyama gave a tired nod. Hinata jumped up and hurried to the door where the unknown visitor knocked a second time, much less patiently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Hinata opened the door and immediately felt bad for his abrasive tone. In front of him stood a short, elderly woman with a smile so warm he thought only grannies in fairy tales would have. Her long grey hair was tied into a loose ponytail which looked weirdly young in contrast to her bent body that leaning on a walking stick for support.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, young man,” she said but as she looked past him it was unclear who she meant. “I thought I heard a voice. My husband was sure Tobio was just watching the TV but I told him the boy never watches TV at such a loud volume, he’s not half-deaf, like you, I said to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah.” Hinata scratched the back of his head, unsure what to do. So this was the wife of that crank living on the first floor. He looked over his shoulder for any sign from Kageyama, whether he was supposed to ask her inside or anything else. “I’m his friend. Hinata, Shouyou.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Such a good name for you, very good.” She nodded sagely and Hinata began to wonder if he had accidentally opened the door to one of his little sister’s books. “Yamada. But you can call me Aunt Midori. That one over there-” she pointed her cane at Kageyama, “Known him all his life, haven’t I? And he still never was able to call me that. Oh well. I guess that’s one less thing to bother about, isn’t it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My husband and I, we’ll eat soon. I said to him, Daigo, after you’ve been so rude to the poor boy who just wanted to see our Tobio, we’ll invite them to join us for dinner. To make up for it, I told him. What do you think, dear?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Again, it was impossible to tell if she was talking directly to Hinata or to Kageyama behind him, who still hadn’t moved one inch from the couch, as Hinata noted with a frown as he glared over his shoulder. On any other day, he would have accepted the offer, for one, yay, free food. But also because he guessed what Kageyama was thinking and it would have been a great opportunity to annoy him. Either way, he saw no reason why he should make the decision all on his own, they were Kageyama’s neighbours, not his!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, what do you think, dear Tobio?” He turned around with an innocent smile, holding back a chuckle. This was the first time he used Kageyama’s first name and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It did not feel bad but also like it shouldn’t feel good. To his relief, the old lady didn’t pay him any attention and Kageyama shook his head and shrugged, smiling apologetically at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think he ate earlier, just before I arrived,” Hinata lied politely, not wanting to send her away just like that without an explanation. Fortunately, she chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I can imagine. I’m always ravenous, I tell you, when I’m back from the hospital, even when it’s just been a few days. The food there, well. It doesn’t kill you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess so.” He had bought his fair share of snacks and hospital caféteria meals over the last two months and while they didn’t stick out as particularly bad, he also didn’t remember them as particularly good. He was glad he picked the right white lie and that she bought it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well then, time for me to get back before that old man misses me. Tobio, dear, don’t be a stranger! Visit when you’re better. You can bring your little friend!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The “little friend” stung, especially given that she barely reached him to the nose but Hinata smiled and waved politely after her when he finally closed the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh, that was interesting. I know from the old guy that they aren’t your grandparents but how are you related exactly? Wait, that reminds me, I wanted to ask you before where-” Too many questions tumbled through his mind and he didn’t pay attention when he swung around, so his hip knocked against a side table standing a few steps away from the door. It held a bundle of keys, unopened letters, and pens and a book that were promptly falling to the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry! No, I’ll clean that up!” he said and hurried to get down to his knees when Kagayama stood up to come over and help him. He quickly grabbed the two pens and the book. That was oddly familiar. He dropped the pens again and looked at the title, slowly standing up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You haven’t even removed the shrink-wrap…” Hinata muttered, bewildered. Kageyama had stopped a few steps away from him, his lips pressed together to a pout. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama, you god damn idiot!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The afternoon had been a rollercoaster from the moment he let Hinata in. In fact, everything had been a rollercoaster since they met and once they started at the same high school, the brakes stopped working. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now they were finally crashing against a wall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That damn sign language book. He should have thrown it into the trash. Unlike in the hospital, here weren’t any nurses that would take it out, dust it off, and put it back on his table, gently chiding them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But no, he just had to drop that cursed book onto the nearest surface for Hinata to find and judging from his hard glare, there was nothing gentle about what he had to say about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Almost two months and you stupid dumbass didn’t even open it? Are you serious?” Hinata’s voice got louder with every word while he was shaking the book in front of Kageyama’s face. “We’re all busting our asses for you and you don’t even try? What’s the idea, coiling up in a corner and never-” he paused for a second, struggling for words. “And have nothing to do with any of us ever again? Or anyone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama’s face was hot and he failed to look at Hinata’s eyes. If he was honest, yeah, that kinda had been the plan, at least for a while. Who cared what came after that? It wasn’t the volleyball career he had been determined to have so why bother? Fuck, and now he felt like crying again and this time, he couldn’t expect comfort from Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why would I expect that from him anyway? He’s not supposed to be here. I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p><em><span>Then why that message?</span></em> <em><span>Yeah, why? Why was I so stupid? </span></em></p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t understand what he was thinking when he messaged Oikawa about his plan, even giving him the time and place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop me. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata still glared at him, his face serious and hard, waiting for a reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t do this alone...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grabbed one of the unopened letters and a pen and quickly scribbled a note.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[What’s it to you anyway?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Help me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s it to me? You really ask what it’s to me?” Hinata hissed, white with anger. He dropped the note and slammed the book against Kageyama’s chest so forcefully, it knocked the air out of his lungs. In spite of himself, he grabbed it before it fell. It was hot and heavy in his hand, like a burning piece of coal. His fingers clawed around it and he choked up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Help me, Hinata! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata stomped past him and picked up his bag. He pulled out a book before he threw the bag over his shoulder and walked back to the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t leave me alone!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you think it’s to me, you stubborn idiot? You tell me!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama held back tears when he looked up. He inhaled sharply when he recognised the book Hinata was holding. It was the same. He had his own copy. But unlike Kageyama’s, the cover was bent out of shape. Dozens of small, colourful notes were sticking out between pages. Hinata opened the book and flipped through the pages. It was too fast to grasp the content but Kageyama still noticed many yellow, pink, and green lines and handwritten notes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I swear, if you tell me that I worked through that for nothing I’ll beat your ass.” He stuffed the book into his bag and shoved it on his bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama looked helplessly at him, vaguely waving his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata shook his head and made a gesture with his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This really doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s when he finally understood. Hinata had made this gesture before, just when they were interrupted. Only that it wasn’t just a gesture, it was signing. That didn’t make sense. Hinata hated learning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at his own copy of the book. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yet…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His short nails scratched over the protective foil that kept it in its pristine condition. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He winced. Hinata was watching him closely, of course. He glanced at the pen but he had no idea what to say. Thoughts were difficult enough but putting them into words was like crawling through hell. He was sorry, he didn’t know what to do, where to start, and it was all fucking scary. And that Hinata would really...what was he supposed to say about that? Thank him and assume he really did that for him? But what if not, what if that was wrong and he’d ridicule himself for assuming so? Ask why he bothered? There were so many possible answers and he didn’t feel strong enough to hear either of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ten.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked. He had barely noticed that his thoughts had gone haywire again. Had he missed something? Ten what? Hinata came closer and tapped on the book. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I’m back, you know ten. Any, I don’t care. You got one hour!” He turned around and walked to the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, ten? Hour? What are you talking about, where are you going?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He reached after him but stopped an inch away from Hinata’s back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And please, let me in when I’m back, I don’t want that old man to call the police on me.” Hinata groaned as he opened the door and stepped outside. “Have enough of talking to them for a lifetime. Oh, and also-” Just before he closed it behind him, Hinata opened it again and grinned at him. “Take a shower. You need it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama tensed, then he growled, and was about to hurl the book after Hinata but stopped. As much as he hated it, something in him refused to throw it away this time. Hinata laughed and quickly closed the door. With quick steps, he hurried down the stairs. The front door opened and feel shut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An hour. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck you, Hinata, what was that supposed to mean? Back? Why do you leave when you plan to come back and annoy the hell out of me anyway, you idiot! </span>
  </em>
  <span>He grunted in the back of his throat and paced through the room, still clinging to that damn book. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The nerve, to tell me I need a shower. Who do you think you are?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He let himself fall on the couch. Lying on his back, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, held his breath for a few seconds, and slowly exhaled. As if he didn’t know. He couldn’t even remember if he showered three days ago or last week. It had been a struggle to brush his teeth every day while he was in the hospital. If Oikawa hadn’t teased him about it during one of his visits he wouldn’t even have bothered with that. He wondered how bad it really was. It couldn’t be too obvious or Oikawa or the principal would have said something. Or wouldn’t they? Would it have been rude? Okay, possible, but Oikawa would have skipped another opportunity to tease him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the other hand, Hinata had been the only one who hugged him. Tightly and for quite a long time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama covered his face with the book, his heart suddenly pounding in his throat. And he had hugged him back like a desperate fool. Hinata was warm and light but yet, Kageyama had felt the strength in that small body. How was he supposed to know that holding someone like this felt this good? And as if his life wasn’t hell already, that touchy-feely gremlin just had to move closer again on the couch to look at his phone until they touched. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat up and tore the foil off the book. He didn’t care about unwrapping it, just the violent act by itself felt good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck this. My life’s shit, goals gone to hell, I’m fucking miserable and wish that bastard had just finished the job. Nothing’s supposed to feel good. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He flipped through the pages. Many, many illustrations but also a lot of small print. He hated learning languages. At least, unlike English, he didn’t have to bother about pronunciation anymore. He smirked. He should rub that into Hinata’s face the next time he complained about it. Good luck with that “th,” Hinata! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed the book, put it aside, and stood up. Even if he tried to focus on something else, his thoughts always came back to Hinata. Who wanted to come back in an hour. And then? Or was that an empty threat to get him to finally start learning to sign? He still hated the thought but since Hinata really made the effort to learn it- just thinking about that gave him a warm feeling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shower. Right.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Maybe that would help him to regain control over his mind. A shower and ten stupid signs, that was hardly worth being called a challenge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were three things in his life he didn’t regret - going to Karasuno, protecting Hinata, and that shower. It was so much different in his own home compared to the hospital. No nurses walking in, worrying if he was okay. No IV access to cover, no hospital bed as the first thing to see when he got out of the tiny bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was sitting at the kitchen table with damp hair and clean sweatpants. The loose sweater was too thick for the season but there weren’t many turtlenecks among his few clothes and the other two were ready for laundry. He’d also used new bandages for his throat. Although the wound was closed and dry, the old ones looked icky after being worn for days. He’d to figure out where to get reusable ones that he could wash, if something like that existed. But right now, he had other things to figure out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His head was bent over the book, his phone in one hand, showing a video that he had to pause every other second. His left hand tried to mimic the motions and angles. He’d been surprised to find that some words he’d looked up were rather intuitive. He’d have used them to signal someone out of earshot what he wanted. Others were a pain. And he hadn’t even tried to put a whole sentence together. That would require looking up and learning grammar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The phone vibrated in his hand. A message from Hinata.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He froze. Had it really already been an hour? And why did it only occur to him now that Hinata coming back would mean that he’d be here, again, close, and as usual, without a sense of boundaries and personal space? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The clock revealed that even more than an hour had passed, almost one and a half. It was beginning to get dark outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was when another thought occurred to him and instantly, his temper rose. What was Hinata thinking, being out and about on his own outside? For all they knew, that asshole was still after him! The police had warned him to be careful when he left the house and he hadn’t even been the primary target! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stormed to the door while opening the message, ready to give him a piece of his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Hey, Kageyama, can you come down? My mom wants to talk to you and don’t you dare to laugh!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stared at the message. Hinata’s mother? He didn’t remember meeting her before. What could she want from him? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Coming]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hit send and hurried to get downstairs, grabbing the housekeys on his way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How am I supposed to act? Is there anything I need to avoid?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He hadn’t had friends before; consequently, he didn’t have to meet and interact with their parents. When he opened the front door, he realized he had left his phone on the table and hadn’t brought anything he could use to write with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But he was already opening the door and stepping outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small car parked in the driveway. Next to it stood Hinata, carrying a small girl in his arms. She had the same red hair, tied to pigtails. This had to be his sister, Natsu, if he remembered correctly. Kageyama had to hold back a laugh. Hinata’s face was torn between embarrassment and cheering up his sister who rubbed her eyes and yawned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The reason why he didn’t look all to happy stood towards Kageyama and there was no question where the siblings got their hair from. He straightened his back and bowed stiffly, hoping that she knew he couldn’t greet her respectfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you’re Kageyama.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, rubbing his arm, glancing at Hinata for anything that would give him a hint of what to do but he was busy entertaining his sister. In fact, he looked like he didn’t want to get involved with the scene at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry about what happened to you.” She smiled warmly and her eyes - the same brown as Hinata’s - got misty. “But thank you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every muscle in him tensed when she gave him a tight hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you so much. I don’t know what I’ve had done if Shouyou…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, he got what was going on. Of course. If he had been too slow that day, Hinata’s family would have had to see him lying in a hospital bed, drugged out of his mind, and hooked up to countless wires, tubes, and cables.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Me neither…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If he only was able to just say it...But like this, he had no idea what to do. Nobody had told him what he was supposed to do when a parent of a friend he protected from a knife attack thanked and hugged him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He desperately looked over her shoulder at Hinata who, thank god, looked back, with an apologetic grin on his face. He shrugged, raised his free right hand, and lightly patted his sister on the back. Kageyama nodded lightly and patted Hinata’s mother’s back lightly with his right hand. Or would both hands be better? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To his relief, she let go, wiping her tear from under her eye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shouyou! Get over here!” she suddenly shouted with a firmness that made Kageyama straighten up and flinch. Hinata quickly grabbed a bag from the ground and, still holding his giggling sister, hurried to jog over to them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remind my son to call me in the mornings and evenings. You hear me?” She barked the last words at Hinata and slapped the back of his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, mom,” Hinata muttered. Kageyama nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And if you’re out again on your own, message me where and when you’ll be back. I was about to call the police!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, mom,” Hinata repeated so meekly that Kageyama wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or hide from Hinata’s mother before she found fault in him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I better don’t hear any more complaints from your teachers in the future, now that you got your friend back.” She made a grunting noise and threw back her red ponytail. “Come, give me your sister.” She took the girl from Hinata’s arms who didn’t want to let go of her brother without protest. “Be a good girl, Natsu, I think we’ve embarrassed your brother enough.” She and her daughter suddenly grinned all over their faces. Kageyama got the uneasy feeling that there might not even be a father involved in this family and that Hinata and his sister were clones of their mom, red hair, grins, and tempers included. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay then, boys, have fun! Hinata, call if something’s up! And behave! I’ll wait until you’re safely inside!” She waved with the keys in one hand and went back to the car.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come.” Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s arm and dragged him to the door. “Before she changes her mind and forces us to babysit my sis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama still tried to process the whole scene. Everything happened so quickly. It was like he had barely left the kitchen and that within seconds, he had to meet Hinata’s family, been hugged, watched Hinata being scolded and now they were back in his living room, where Hinata finally let go of his arm and quickly shut the door behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank god that’s over.” Hinata let out an exasperated sigh and leaned with his back against this door. Kageyama went to the kitchen to get his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[What is this all about?!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata looked up from the screen and grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, what does it look like?” He picked up and shouldered the large bag. “You’ll never make any progress with signing unless I kick your butt so I’m sleeping over this weekend. Where can I drop this? And where can I charge my phone? I didn’t have enough time at home and I don’t want to switch it back on with hundreds missed calls from my mom ever again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>WHAT?!</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...how could I forget to tag "hurt/comfort"?!?! It's my favourite thing, why did I forget it?! </p>
<p>Anyway, <b>additional trigger warning</b>! There are some heavier conversation topics in this chapter, like the implication of suicidal thoughts. There's nothing graphic, nothing explicit, and it is not going to become a main theme.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kageyama wildly gestured to Hinata to just drop the bag and stay where he was. He quickly got his phone from the kitchen, typing while he ran back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[What do you mean? Sleeping over?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The sooner you tell me where I can fully charge my phone the easier this is going to be,” Hinata muttered while checking the new message. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yeah, no. If Hinata charged his phone he’d have to read on his again, which meant he’d again be too close. But if he didn’t let Hinata charge his phone, it’d be the same result, and his own was not going to last forever, either, especially if used that much on one day. Then, they’d have to share Hinata’s and he was doomed either way. He was not sure how much more Hinata he could bear today without losing his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You make a face as if I said I’m moving in. I don’t think my mom would have given me permission for that.” Hinata laughed but there was a hint of hurt in his voice. Kageyama pulled a face, trying to relax his features. He was shocked and overwhelmed but Hinata was not supposed to see it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Did you get in trouble?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not more than usual.” Hinata shrug, waving his hand dismissively.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[That bad?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So bad that she threatened to not let me out on my bike at all until I’m twenty if I screw up this weekend and don’t call as agreed. This is my last chance to keep at least some of my freedom.” His wry grin looked like he was having a bad toothache. “If she weren’t so grateful for what you did for me, I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house for the rest of the year. You kinda saved me, again.Thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stared at his phone, not sure what he should say. ‘Don’t mention it.’ ‘You’re welcome.’ Or even ‘It’s okay.’ That all sounded too flat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Don’t cry again.] But he didn’t hit send. The words glared back at him. That didn’t sound right at all. He did not want Hinata to cry because he didn’t want to see him unhappy or feeling guilty. He also didn’t want him to ask questions about why he did what he did and why he didn’t blame Hinata one bit, he just wanted him to accept it and move on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not crying!” Hinata protested. Kageyama jumped to the side. He hadn’t heard how Hinata had come close enough to look at the screen while he was brooding over the message. He quickly deleted it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I KNOW! DON’T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!] He held his phone up with his outstretched arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look who’s back at being an asshole. Glad to see you’re better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t miss the relief that came with the snark and instantly felt guilty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’m sorry.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay. If someone deserves to treat me like crap, it’s you, after everything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Stop it. Please. Give me a second.] He sent the text and closed his eyes, inhaling slowly. There were too many words in his head. Before he had gone with whatever came over his tongue first and it worked. Sometimes. More or less. It had worked with Hinata most of the time after a while. But if he went with ‘less’ and ‘after a while’ this time, they’d be stuck in a never-ending cycle of apologies, guilt, more apologies, more guilt and it would be a long, long weekend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Okay. Maybe I’m not really good with words.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t say.” Hinata had come closer again to peek at the screen. Kageyama shot him a cold glare. “Okay, okay, sorry. I wait. Over here.” Hinata retreated to the couch, phone in his lap, and sitting on his hands. “Go on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You need to stop this feeling-guilty thing if you want to stay. I can’t argue with you when you’re like that.] He sent it by reflex while he was still reading over it and deflated. [Sorry, this doesn’t sound good either.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really.” Hinata chuckled. “But I see your point.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[What I’m trying to say, this can’t be between us. Not on the court or while you’re here.] He looked up and frowned. [Why are you smiling like that? What’s so funny?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Hinata’s smile broadened, his eyes shimmered dangerously wet. “But this is the first time you hint at us being back on the court together. And that you won’t kick me out and I can stay here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama blushed, biting his tongue. He hadn’t meant to imply either. But he also hadn’t meant to not imply it. He hadn’t thought about it at all, it just came out like that. He looked at Hinata’s small happy face and had to lower his head to hide his own smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Did I really have a choice in any of this?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope.” Hinata bounced on the couch and for a moment, Kageyama feared he’d jump up and hug him again. Hinata jumped to his feet indeed but the feared close contact didn’t happen, fortunately. Yet, a part of him was disappointed but he dismissed it quickly. He didn’t have time for that. And certainly not the nerves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, now we got that cleared up, could you finally tell me where I can charge that phone in peace?” Hinata tugged at Kageyama’s sleeve. He almost laughed and typed, [How old are you, 5?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank god, no, I bet you’re even worse with children.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t dignify this slight with an answer, partly because he was guilty as charged. The memory of that one kid breaking out in tears just from seeing him lost in his own thoughts was still very vivid in his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He motioned Hinata to follow him into the kitchen and removed his own charger from the outlet by the counter. But Hinata didn’t pay any attention to him. He was looking at the mess on the kitchen table and his face lit up even more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you’re finally trying!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>As long as at least someone is happy about this shit.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama shrugged and leaned against the counter, his arms crossed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not easy, is it?” Hinata’s fingers glided over the open book. “I started with greetings, too,” he commented on the visible pages. “After that, I tried to find some volleyball related signs but it isn’t exactly sorted like that, so I went about it more or less at random. I tried to guess what you would learn. Guess that’s partly why I was so pissed you hadn’t even opened it. I looked forward to trying to talk like this with you.” Hinata lifted his head and looked at him expectantly. Kageyama winced on the inside, anticipating what was about to come. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which can you do? I know, ten was a lot but you still managed to learn a few while I was gone, didn’t you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama turned his head away. He had, in fact, managed to memorize ten signs, although he could only replicate half of them without looking at the book or a video. As Hinata had said, some were easy, others not so much, and his motions even felt clumsy with the simple ones. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d thought he’d manage, though. It wasn’t as horrible as he had imagined when he was by himself. Just a few. Some just because, and the rest to humour Hinata. What might come after that he’d see when it happened. But the liberating indifference deserted him now that he was expected to use them. Instead, the familiar feeling of dread crept back and the longer Hinata looked at him, the stronger it became. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on! I want to see if I guessed right at least once or twice, aside from ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye.’” Hinata sat down on the table, his feet dangling a few inches above the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama pressed his lips together. He could do a greeting. Two more signs that he would not show Hinata under any imaginable circumstances. Why he even looked those up was beyond him but he couldn’t help himself. The other two - there was a chance that Hinata guessed right. That would be...not bad. Not bad at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, it would be. Thought it would end this nightmare? Think again. This won’t help. It’s another nail to the coffin. It isn’t meant to make anything easier. It’s meant to show everyone what you’ve become. They’d look and pity you. And turn away because who wants to take the time and learn a whole new language to talk to someone they never liked to begin with?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>SHUT UP! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those weren’t his thoughts. No, they were. They were not the thoughts he wanted. They were wrong. He knew they were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So sure?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, some people were going to hold that opinion. He had met two in the principal’s office. Others tried. Hinata tried and was far ahead of him and nobody ever asked him to do this. If for nothing else, he should give it a shot just to not fall behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hands twitched but his fingers didn’t move. It was like they were glued together. He even failed to unfold his arms. Every muscle from his fingertips to his shoulders was tense and unmovable like stone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s going on? Things were okay just now. Why am I like this again? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Instead, he was back in the hospital, tied to the bed by the IV line, tubes scratching in his throat. Oikawa had just thrown the book at him. Next, he smashed it against the wall. The TV crashed down and shattered. The doctor was speaking to him in his calm voice while a nurse was ready to sedate him again if necessary. Talking about options, supportive schools in Tokyo, special programs for people with disabilities to finish school, learn trades, or study. A whole world that was open to him if he learned to sign. A world he didn’t want. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was sick and cold, back then, right now. His hands were heavy and felt detached, as if they weren’t his. His chest got tight and he was nauseous on his stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Hinata sensed his distress. The cheerfulness was gone and replaced by worry. “Kageyama, what’s wrong?” He put his small hand on his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tore his arm away. His hands, suddenly able to move again, covered his face as, for the second time today, the tears began streaming. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slid down, the hard kitchen cabinets in his back, loudly sobbing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want this!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama…” Hinata sat down next to him, putting his hand on Kageyama’s trembling shoulder. He sounded like he was close to tears himself. But he just sat there silently, his hand warm and heavy, as if it was saying it didn’t matter how long he needed, Hinata wasn’t going anywhere. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat like this for a while. The tiled floor was cold, Kageyama’s stomach felt empty and hard, and his eyes and face were burning, and so was his throat. But every hoarse sound he made set him off more. He was sick from exhaustion when he finally calmed down. Hinata hadn’t left his side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here.” He pulled a tissue from his hoodie. “Sorry, it’s not new. But better than nothing.” His other hand gripped harder around Kageyama’s shoulder. A silent promise that he would stay right here until he was sure Kageyama was okay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama took the tissue. He couldn’t care less that it was used as he cleaned his face, as well as his shaking hand, allowed him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you type? Or do you want to write?” Hinata asked, sounding so weary as if he had been crying as hard, although he had remained calm and quiet the whole time. “I’ll get you something to write from the table, okay? I’m not leaving you alone. I’m back in a second.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama resisted the urge to grab his sleeve and pull him back. His eyes followed Hinata as he stood up and searched the table for a pen and a few sheets of paper that looked inconspicuous enough to write on. He sat down again, pushing everything he had gathered - along with that cursed book as a base to write on - into his hands. Reluctantly, Kageyama’s long, cold fingers closed around the pen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please tell me what’s wrong. I swear, I won’t laugh or get angry,” Hinata pleaded, his hand back on his shoulder. Kageyama couldn’t help it and leaned into the warm touch. “What is it about signing that does that to you? It’s a lot to learn, and I know you hate learning as much as I do, but that can’t be all, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was difficult to keep the pen steady and write legibly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I don’t want to.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not? It’s hard but it’s so useful. It can really help you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glanced at Hinata and regretted it. That earnest, worried face was impossible to ignore. It was as impossible to put the dark whirls from the back of his head into words but with Hinata looking at him like this, he had to try. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[It’s so final. I don’t want it. There’s no way back if I do it, I’d have to accept it.] Another sob scratched in his throat but he had no more tears left in him. His tongue was heavy and dry and his head was beginning to hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know it sounds mean and stupid but it’s not like you have a choice, Kageyama.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without looking at Hinata, he wrote the one clear answer he had but thought he wouldn’t think of anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I have a choice.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There, he had put it into words. If he didn’t want to live like this, he didn’t have to. He knew it, the nurses had known it, so had his doctor. And they all wouldn’t leave him alone about it that it had been a miracle they let him use the restroom on his own on his worst days, as long as he kept the door unlocked. They believed he was doing better and for a while, he had thought so, too. But-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have a choice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A shudder run down his spine at the sound of Hinata’s cold voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You don’t understand anything.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I can’t even begin to guess what you’re going through.” His tone was shaking but still cold. “But I understand what you’re telling me. And I tell you that you do not have a choice. You’re going to accept this and you’re going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>live</span>
  </em>
  <span> with it, and you’re going to play volleyball again and turn pro one day. It just got harder but not impossible.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Easy for you to say.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care!” Hinata suddenly yelled. He was so close that Kageyama’s ears were ringing and he failed to hear the beginning of what else he had to say. “-and you’re not alone! I’m here! And I need you to win but also to be there as my friend! And...and… You do not have a choice! I don’t give you one! And if you really want to die over this, I’ll call the hospital right now and I won’t let you out of my sight until I know you’re safe!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>To...die? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He swallowed, which felt like choking on sandpaper. That was the idea but not the word he had used in his mind. To stop, to not wake up, to not have survived, that was what he was thinking of. Not dying. Even the therapist that had spoken to him a few times never used that word. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Hinata put his hand on Kageyama’s cheek and turned his head to face him. “Is that really what you want? Tell me, honestly, do you want to die, Tobio Kageyama?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata’s face was only inches away. He could feel his warmth, smell the sweetish hair shampoo that he liked to use, always claiming it was a gift from his little sister when the other guys teased him. His eyes glared at him, hard and unrelenting, his willpower shining through him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Do I want to die?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slowly shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata tapped on the paper. Kageyama nodded and broke away from the stare to focus on writing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I don’t want to die. I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life but I don’t want to not to either. If that makes sense. I don’t know.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have a choice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I know.] He didn’t really know either way anymore but until he did, he’d trust Hinata on it. [It’s just so hard.] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. But I’ll help you! And the others will, too. Speaking of others.” Hinata hesitated before he continued. “Do you need help? From a doctor or so? There must be someone at that hospital that can help you when you feel like that, or not?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re too optimistic for this world.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He smiled and shook his head. He had heard a similar speech from the doctor before, who also gave him a list with numbers to call if his thoughts got too dark. A shockingly short list, and only one number aside from the hospital was local. He’d get back to that if it got worse. At this moment, the world wasn’t as dark anymore. Maybe crying and talking about it at all already helped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’m fine enough. Thank you. Hinata, that sign you made earlier, what did it mean?] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, that one?” His hands moved slower than before and this time, Kageyama also noticed the movements in his face. He nodded and finally, Hinata smiled again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It means ‘stay.’”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stay…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama shivered. Stay. He remembered that. The last word he heard from Hinata before he fell unconscious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stay. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He did because when he heard it from Hinata two months ago, there was nothing he wanted to do more. Whether he wanted the same now he could not tell but one thing was for sure - right now, he didn’t want to go. And he didn’t want Hinata to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hand was still shaking when he raised it. He held it sideways to his face, bending his head, then moved it, spreading his fingers to spell the first sign he had memorised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry. Hinata. Idiot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are the idiot, you asshole!” Hinata laughed. He laughed and laughed until he was crying into his hands and it was Kageyama who touched his shoulder in silent comfort. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fortunately for Hinata, tears of relief were not as exhausting as tears of fear or despair. He rubbed his arm over his face and once his eyes were dry, he could smile again. In fact, he almost laughed. Kageyama, hunched over, his long limbs scattered across the floor, making him look like a ragdoll, his hands twitching and unsure. That was so not like him but Hinata would take that over the pale, trembling mess he’d been a few minutes ago. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop apologizing, it’s okay.” He pushed Kageyama’s hand down. “You scared me, you asshole. This was worse than that one time I hit the back of your head with my serve. Stop it!” Hinata caught his right hand by the wrist and hindered him from signing another apology. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>If anything, I should, because no matter what you say, it is all my fault.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But he was beginning to understand how uncomfortable constant apologies felt so he kept that to himself. Kageyama quickly pulled his hand free and put both flatly on the floor, staring at his legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata studied his profile. His hair had gotten longer and the bangs fell like a curtain over his red, swollen eyes. His blushing cheeks stood out brightly against his still too pale face. Hinata tilted his head, wondering what was wrong now. He was about to ask when his stomach interrupted him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow!” </span>
  <em>
    <span>How embarrassing, shut up! </span>
  </em>
  <span>He pressed both hands against it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Kageyama. Uh, do you think we can eat something? And to be honest-” He shifted his legs to get from his sitting position into a squat. “It’s cold down here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama gave him a short look that he couldn’t quite read but more importantly, he nodded and stood up. Hinata quickly followed. Kageyama put paper and pen on the counter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’m afraid I don’t have much. The fridge is empty but if you’re okay with rice and canned food?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I got a better idea. Wait a second.” He quickly dashed to his bag in the living room and back, gathering his wallet and phone on the way. “My mom gave me money. Dinner is on her and she said I should make sure to pay for my share of whatever I pilfer from your fridge over the weekend. Her words.” He pouted. Her tone had absolutely not matched her kind generosity. “Glad you think it’s funny.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Sorry,] Kageyama wrote, doing a shitty job at hiding his grin. Well, that was a much better sight, Hinata almost didn’t mind that it was at his expense. [That was nice of your mother. You should get into trouble with her more often.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you.” He loved his mom but she was so high-strung and short-fused since the attack. He couldn’t wait for her to calm down so he could have his jolly, easy-going mother back. “Anyway.” He unlocked his phone. It still needed charging but it should be good for one order. “What do you want to eat? Isn’t there a pizza delivery a few streets away? I could go for a few burgers, too, but I don’t think they do delivery and, well.” He scratched the back of his head and rolled his eyes. “Until I’m back in mom’s good graces, I better stay inside during the evening.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama rapidly tapped the pen against the counter, hesitating with his answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, you’ve never held back with what you want.” There it was again, that quick, unreadable glance. “You choose. You know I’m fine with anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Is ramen okay?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata grinned and opened the delivery app. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How about udon? I know a great place. Their chicken yakitori is pretty good, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Udon is fine. Something with chicken and eggs.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Got it.” He picked the same for himself and added the special and yakitori for both of them. After this day, they deserved a treat. He sent the order and waited for confirmation. “In about an hour. What should we do until then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama had grabbed another water bottle from the fridge in the meantime and placed it in front of Hinata, and was now filling a glass with tap water for himself. Hands busy, he just shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata opened the water and sat down on the table. He pointed at the empty chair across from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s enough time to go over a few more signs.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama rolled his eyes and pulled a face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, we have to! Ukai had picked out a few he wants us to know by Monday. Not too many but some of them look tricky and I don’t want to deal with them right before morning practice.” And have Tsukishima show up with his sneers and dumb remarks. He still didn’t believe that it was him who told their coach about signing and if he did, it was probably an accident, to mock him, but certainly not with the intention to contribute anything helpful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mention of their coach got Kageyama’s attention. He was still scowling but he sat down and drank his water, watching as Hinata pulled a small note with his messy handwriting from his own book. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>What to do when you end a chapter exactly where you want it and then realise it's ~6000 words long? Easy. You use it as an excuse to unleash a horde of headcanons and when the chapter is 8000+ words long, you cut it in two chapters 😁</p>
<p>Take this as the additional warning of the day: the fandom wiki didn't reveal much about Kageyama's family situation and the laws of nature demand that in cases like this, I make up whatever I want. Happy canon divergence, everyone 😈 </p>
<p>Finally, thanks so much for the kudos and comments! To my dismay, not one of my closer social contacts (rl and online) shares my recent obsession and, therefore, can't assist with confidence boosts, which makes your kind words and engagement all the more important to me 🌻</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kageyama failed to hide his reluctance to work through the list and Hinata had become impatient with him and they had been close to fighting more than once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had, however, to admit that the list included useful signs and he could easily see how they’d help on and around the court. Hinata had instinctively chosen to learn some of them during the last week which was convenient. He quickly found them in the book and demonstrated them more slowly than most videos Kageyama had found online. Thanks to that, they actually made some progress.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the other hand, he felt the old rivalry rising between them and it irritated him to no end that Hinata was so far ahead. It didn’t help that he knew that Hinata was doing this for him and not to spite him or that it was nice to have this thing between them or that once more, they were able to act as a team in front of others. Kageyama just hated to be behind and nothing he tried to tell himself killed that stupid feeling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to catch up with him as fast as possible which didn’t mix well with his dislike of having to learn this at all and he got more and more irritated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a matter of minutes until one of them would snap and explode when Hinata got a call from the delivery guy who asked them to open the door if they wanted to have their order. Which got him another frustrated glare from Hinata while Kageyama turned red. This was on him.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>During all this mess, Kageyama had forgotten to switch on the doorbell that he usually kept silent unless he expected a visitor. He refused to imagine what would have happened if Hinata hadn’t gotten his food. He always got skittish and grumpy when he was hungry and judging from the growls of his stomach, he was starving. Kageyama didn’t have much of an appetite and the thought of chewing and swallowing food outside the hospital for the first time in the presence of someone else made him feel even less excited. But his stomach felt hollow and his mind sluggish and screamed for nutrition. He also gladly took the opportunity to flee from the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So it all ended well and they finally retreated to the living room and settled on the couch, surrounded by steaming bowls and loaded plates. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama moved to one end, making every effort to make himself as slim as possible. Hinata sprawled over the free surface, apparently feeling quite at home already. They zapped through the TV channels and settled on a movie Hinata assured him was good; silly fun and action. He was probably right but Kageyama barely paid attention.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, can I ask you something?” Hinata asked between bites, his tone suggesting that whatever question was about to come had bugged him for a while. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged, his focus on his food while he fished for another piece of chicken. Hinata had been right, it did taste pretty good. Definitely better than anything he had in the hospital. The meat was tender and smooth and didn’t stress his throat. The broth was rich and salty and brought warm comfort from inside. He’d declined the yakitori Hinata had ordered for him but since Hinata was a black hole to food, as usual, nothing was wasted and the chances of having leftovers for breakfast were quickly moving towards zero. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>this couple downstairs? An aunt and uncle of yours?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama grunted. Yes. That. Sooner or later, the questions about his peculiar family and living situation had to come up. Not that he minded, it wasn’t a big secret as far as he was concerned. He held up the bowl with one hand, the chopsticks with the other. The timing was just bad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We got time.” Hinata put the empty plate on the floor, then, he yawned with his mouth wide open, stretching his arms and legs. His feet touched Kageyama’s leg again. In response, Kageyama’s back tensed and he quickly finished the last bits of chicken and vegetables, drank the broth, and stood up to take the trash and empty dishes to the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Don’t run away! I’m figuring it out sooner or later anyway!” Hinata called after him. Kageyama grimaced at him when he came back, notebook and pen in his hand, and sat down, hopefully out of Hinata’s reach this time before he bruised his hip. Both their phones were charging but since his eyes hurt from too much crying and brooding over the signing book, he preferred writing on paper instead of involving a screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’m not running away, you dolt. They were friends of my grandfather. It was his house and they rent their apartment cheaply. In return, they make sure I don’t burn it all down, as the old man loves to say.] He shouldn’t complain too much about them, though. There wasn’t a time he didn’t know them and while the old guy could be a grumpy jerk and she often was too curious and overbearing, they were kind people who made living like this possible and he was grateful for their help. As he was for the doors and locks between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your grandpa died a few years ago, didn’t he?” Hinata asked gently, as if he feared he was touching a sore spot. In a way, he was. Kageyama thought of writing down how great his grandfather was. That he was the root of his love for volleyball. That he had always believed in him and promised to support him as much as he could. But his vision got blurry just thinking about it, so he just nodded. Hinata didn’t push it and gave him time to gather his thoughts.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I was in middle school when he died. He’d been ill for a while,] he wrote after a pause.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not too long ago. I’m sorry. It must have been hard.” Hinata twisted his body around and pointed at the framed picture on the shelf. It showed Kageyama with his grandfather and sister and was taken on her 18th birthday. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded again, remembering that day. They’d eaten in a sushi restaurant, Miwa’s choice, and he had eaten so much, he had almost thrown up but pulled himself together when she warned him not to ruin her day. But her mood brightened when he got better and even apologized. They’d played volleyball in the park and had a great time together. The picture was taken before they went home, showing all three of them happy and smiling, in their own way. His grandfather’s smile was warm and proud, hers charming like always when she looked into a camera. Kageyama himself, well, he smiled like a child that was very conscious of the camera and wanted nothing more but to duck out of the picture and go back to whatever he’d been doing a moment ago. Probably playing more volleyball with his family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He looks nice. Nicer than your sister. Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Hinata slapped his hand over his mouth. Kageyama chuckled, welcoming to change the topic from his grandfather to something less painful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[She’s not that bad. She has her big dreams and ambitions and does everything to get there.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still.” Hinata crossed his arms and frowned. “She didn’t even stay for a day </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> pulled that stunt with Oikawa. That was just mean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Not mean. More like, horrible timing. It’s okay, Hinata. I might have done the same.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you wouldn’t! You…uh...” Hinata’s voice trailed off and the harder he thought, the guiltier he looked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[See? I wouldn’t have been happy to put volleyball on hold either if the roles were reversed. Can you imagine me giving up on it to take care of a sibling who’s almost a decade younger than me?] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-no,” Hinata agreed reluctantly but then his expression turned grave and his voice dropped to a whisper. “But you risked losing everything to protect me. You could have lost your life and still got hurt bad enough that you were close to giving up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama chewed on his lip, unsure what to say to that. The truth? That volleyball was his obsession and all he wanted to do with his life but that the same life seemed bleak and pointless without Hinata in it? That he could never have forgiven himself if Hinata got hurt when he could have prevented it? No, that was out of the question but he didn’t want Hinata’s thought going down the path of guilt and self-blame either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Circumstances. It doesn’t matter. Miwa and I aren’t that close anyway, we wouldn’t have had any idea what to do with each other if she stayed longer. It’s really okay. I don’t judge her and you shouldn’t, too. We’re both better off on our own.] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata handed the notebook back with an expression that said that he was not done judging her any time soon, but he’d stay quiet about it for Kageyama’s sake. He could live with that. It was unlikely that Hinata and his sister would meet again any time soon, if at all. And if they did, they’d probably spend less than five minutes in each other’s proximity before one of them had to be elsewhere. Or he had to separate them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry. This has to be hard for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama raised his eyebrows. This could still be about his relationship with his sister or the loss of his grandfather but there was an odd quiver in Hinata’s voice that made him uncomfortable.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[What do you mean? It’s fine, really. Or the whole hospital thing? I told you to not apologise for that!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not what I meant!” Hinata hurried to add. “I meant that you must have been lonely. Your only family not really caring, your guardians didn’t visit either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama held up his hand and frantically shook his head. There was still something about the way Hinata said all this that didn’t sit right with him. Pity, maybe, or even grief, and he didn’t like either. Hinata finally stopped talking and Kageyama hurried to write.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Hold up! First, I’m not lonely. Second, my sister is my only guardian or the bullshit with Oikawa wouldn’t have been possible. Yamadas are just family friends who live here. They aren’t legally involved with me. House business is between them and my sister. Finally, I’m not some poor lonely orphan, if that’s what you think.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata stared at the words for a moment, then he looked up at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You aren’t?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[No? My grandfather left the house to Miwa and me. Their rent maintains it. He also left enough money for me to pay for my education, insurance, and a monthly allowance. I’m not rich but I’m not poor and I’m NOT lonely.] Generally speaking. He had been awfully lonely at times in the hospital but before that? He wished his grandfather was still there but other than that, he wasn’t lonely. He enjoyed his freedom even when he didn’t do much with it. If all was said and done, he was just glad to be left alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But your parents?” Hinata was still confused. He was thinking so hard about what he just learned, it was like Kageyama could see the gears working slowly. “How old were you when they died?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My...parents?! Oh!</span>
  </em>
  <span> He had completely forgotten about them and that their absence, too, raised questions. It hadn’t occurred to him, though, that Hinata might assume they died.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[My parents aren’t dead! Why would you think that? I never said they were.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Because nobody seems to live here aside from you? Also, you never mentioned them! Even now you just talk about your grandfather taking care of you and people who aren’t even family making sure you’re okay! If they aren’t, why didn’t they visit you? Where are they now?” Hinata was talking himself into a rage. He sat up straight, his legs twitching, as if he was about to jump up and stand on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[No idea where they are. Calm down already!] Dammit. This was so normal for him, he always forgot how weird his situation had to be to others. Especially for those like Hinata who seemed to have at least a very involved mother. He shuddered. Someone having that much control and say over his life would drive him crazy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean, you don’t know where they are? They couldn’t just have left one day to never come back!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I said calm down, for fuck’s sake! And yes, that’s exactly what happened.] He had asked his grandfather about them once or twice. That was only natural. Either his grandfather or sister picked him up from kindergarten, school, or practice while others went with their parents. He had been curious and asked with the same attitude he would when he wondered why some kids got certain toys but he didn’t, or had pets,or lived a different life in general. His grandfather hadn’t told him much, only that they were very busy and had a lot to do all around the world but that he was sure they’d soon call or write. He had accepted it with the same indifference he’d accept “Some children think soccer is more fun than volleyball.” Weird, but okay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Who knows where they are right now. The last time I saw them I was three? I’m not sure. Fuck, Hinata, stop making that face!] He was tempted to throw the pen at Hinata’s head if that would wipe this pitiful expression off of it. [I don’t even remember their faces or living with them. It had always been just grandfather, Miwa, and me.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But don’t you miss having a mom and dad?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama sighed. It shouldn’t surprise him. He couldn’t understand how it was to have a parent constantly worrying over him or how anyone could live comfortably like that. It was probably convenient to have someone who made dinner and helped with the chores. But unless it was his grandfather, the thought of someone hovering around him all the time, telling him when to be home, what to eat, when to sleep, and when to get up sounded more suffocating to him than fun. Hinata, who was used to that kind of life, couldn’t put himself in his shoes just like Kageyama couldn’t put himself in Hinata’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You can’t miss what you don’t know. I think the whole thing is odd. It’s not something I was ever used to.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh.” Hinata pulled up his legs to sit cross-legged, his hands around his wiggling feet. He was less than convinced. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You think too hard about it. Yeah, I wish my grandfather was still alive. That’s all. I’m good. Really.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Drop it, Hinata.] This was going nowhere if Hinata kept insisting and Kageyama was too tired to explain it all over again. He moved on to something that did hurt him to think about but was easier to explain. [This used to be one house. Grandfather was sick for a while and when he knew he wouldn’t get better, he and Yamadas remodelled it to split it into two apartments. There’d always been a second, small bathroom up here but the kitchen used to be my sister’s room. He knew she wouldn’t come back. And he knew I wouldn’t be happy with a different arrangement.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So that’s why the stairs up here are so narrow and weird, and why the door leads right into the living room?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, glad that Hinata’s thoughts moved on. Kageyama didn’t mind at all that his parents were estranged, he didn’t mind Hinata to know the whole story but he hadn’t anticipated that Hinata would get emotional about it and question his words when he assured him that things were really okay the way they were.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I still can’t wrap my head around it, to be honest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You don’t have to. Just accept it.] His eyes were itching. He closed them and let out a long yawn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I’m tired. I’m going to bed. I’ll see if I find a blanket for you somewhere.] There wasn’t. The spare blankets were in a chest downstairs. Old Mrs. Yamada took care of them, along with his laundry. When it was too cold for the summer blanket he’d go downstairs and exchange the one he had now for the winter set. He’d give Hinata his and use a towel or jacket to cover his legs, Hinata didn’t need to know that when he slept on his couch. Tomorrow he’d ask downstairs for a spare. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Same!” In less than a second, all sorrows fell from Hinata and he was all grins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama squinted at him. For someone who just said ‘same’ in reply to going to bed, Hinata’s spirit was quite rejuvenated. He jumped up and linked arms with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That means I finally get to see your room!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama pulled his arm free, grabbed him by the shoulders, and pushed him away. He nodded firmly at the couch. Hinata followed his glare and instantly glared back at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t seriously want me to sleep on the couch in the living room? Have you never had a sleepover?! That’s not how it works. There are laws against it!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>NO! You will NOT sleep in my room!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He dived for the writing tools but Hinata was already striding across the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is yours, right?” He reached for the door handle. “It’s the only door I haven’t opened yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hinata! Stop!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata pushed the door open and stepped inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh.” He looked around. Kageyama stood behind him, doing his best to not grab Hinata by his neck and toss him back into the living room. But he had to do something! Knowing him, once he got comfortable it would be impossible to convince him to leave his room and sleep with the door between them. Hinata this close while at least one of them was asleep - and that would be Hinata because Kageyama was certain he’d stay wide awake - was a whole different nightmare and under no circumstances he could let this happen! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kinda boring,” Hinata remarked, sounding disappointed. Kageyama wondered what he expected to find. This was a fully functional room with everything he needed. There was still schoolwork from before the incident sprawled across the desk. He hadn’t put away his equipment from their last training camp as he didn’t see the point. Same for his weights. Those he should probably get out of the way before someone fell over them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A shelf held the stuff he needed and a few trophies. Nothing crazy, just the kind of thing they handed out to all small children who took part in athletic competitions. He didn’t care much about them for what they were but as a reminder of the days his grandfather hugged and swung him around with pride before he treated him and his sister to ice cream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just a normal room. Nothing to lose your mind over. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Glad to see you got one in your bedroom, too!” Hinata picked up the volleyball from the floor, hugging it as he turned around and beamed at him. “I don’t believe you for one second that you really wanted to give up playing volleyball.” He tossed the ball to Kageyama who caught it easily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked down at the ball in his hands. It fitted perfectly. The weight was perfect. Earlier, when he had had to come in for clean clothes, he did his best to pretend the ball wasn’t there. How could he! It felt like he betrayed what had been his only friend for years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was the hot, good food. Maybe it was the shower in his own home. Maybe it was Hinata and his tears, his scowls, his laugh, his small feet kicking him when he wanted his attention. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he could not let go. </span>
</p>
<p><em><span>You’re right.</span></em> <em><span>I don’t want to give it up. I can’t. But what if volleyball gives up on me? What if I try and try and try and get rejected? What’s left for me then?</span></em></p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah! Your bed is nice!” Hinata had thrown himself onto his bed. Lying on his back and the arms stretched out, he let his feet dangling over the edge. “There’s more than enough space for both of us. It’s gonna be fun! And if you keep scowling like that you’ll get wrinkles!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a limit to everything! He threw the ball as hard as he could, hitting Hinata on the stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch!” Hinata jerked up, bending over. “That hurt, man! And you know I just ate, don’t do this again unless you want me to throw up all across your room!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>YOUR RECEIVES STILL SUCK, YOU IDIOT! GET OFF MY BED!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata, you idiot!” Hinata forcefully lowered his voice to mockingly imitate him, tossing the ball back at him. “Your receives suck, why didn’t you practice?” He chuckled. Kageyama growled, well aware of his face turning red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what you’re thinking, right? Ha! I’ll let you know that I practised hard while you were gone and the next time you attack, you’ll get it right back! But you’ll see that on Monday.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Holding the ball again, Kageyama wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Hinata was sitting on the edge of his bed and looked at him as if he was waiting for something. He had no idea what was expected of him. Hinata had been right, he had never been at a sleepover at someone else’s house. He shouldn’t have agreed to this. Maybe he should just leave and sleep on the couch. It wasn’t the worst place to fall asleep, just too short for him to comfortably stretched out. Which would still be less awkward than sharing his bed with Hinata. He was slowly getting used to the smaller touches without freaking out and found ways to slip away from him when it got too much. He sneered at the ball. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting used to. More like, he liked them. And it didn’t get too much, he freaked out because he liked them too much. And that was exactly the reason why Hinata’s idea was not going to work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to touch you…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Grunting, he slammed the ball on the desk, upturning several books.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ducks. That's all. </p>
<p>I wish but there's always more 😩 Okay, this is an awkward one and I was stewing a few days over it because I wasn't sure if I should say something or let sleeping dogs lie. But since sleeping dogs rarely lie forever, I might as well address it. See, when I started this fic, I had just seen the first three seasons of the anime. No manga, no fandom interaction or consumption. That was surprisingly freeing as I usually worry quickly about a ton of things. Now, since it's been a while since I started writing this fic (almost finished chap16) I thought it was safe to poke around in the fandom a bit, aka, mindlessly consuming fanart and comics. </p>
<p>Yeah, and I stumbled over an amazingly drawn comic from a couple of years ago that's basically the same story just with Kageyama losing his eyesight. There are so many similarities, in bigger, obvious ways but also small ones. And in a way, I'm thrilled? First off, the art and presentation are amazing. And secondly - someone reads these guy in a similar way?! That's pure validation. Part of me wants to message the artist and tell them I love how they tick. But that dog better keeps napping for a while longer. </p>
<p>But the more important, worrying thing - If anyone who reads my fic and knows that comic and thinks "wait a minute...!!!" I swear through hell and back that I really did not know it until very recently. I did not steal the idea to tweak it, I did not see it years ago and unconsciously drew from memory. It's really a freak coincidence to a degree that I'd find funny if I weren't worried about someone getting the wrong idea and making accusations. </p>
<p>Okay, that's enough awkwardness from my side for today. Thanks for sticking around long enough to listen and thanks for your support :')</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“God, you’re awkward.” Hinata laughed, watching him the whole time. “What is it now? Ah!” His fit hit his palm. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> an idiot! Wait here, I’ll get our phones and your writing stuff!” He had dashed out of the room by the time he finished that sentence, moving around as if he was already quite at home. Kageyama slumped down on his chair, staring at the dent Hinata had left on his bed. </span>
</p>
<p><em><span>Wait. How funny. Where am I supposed to go anyway? I can’t lock myself up and hide in the bathroom all night.</span></em> <em><span>Or….could I? </span></em><span>He didn’t have the time to further consider the thought. Hinata returned, dropped his bag on the floor, and handed Kageyama his phone. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what’s your problem?” He sat down comfortably on the bed as if there was nothing strange about it at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Like I’m going to tell you what my problem is. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Are you sure don’t want the couch? You’d have more space.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s boring. Have you never slept in one bed with a friend? We did that all the time in middle school. It’s fun, and it’s easier to watch stuff on the phone together.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Just because you look like a middle schooler it doesn’t mean we’re still in middle school.] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I get it, I’m small and guess what, that’s not always a bad thing. And you might be tall but you’re not exactly built like Asahi or Ushijima.” He gestured vaguely at his shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yet, asshole. Not YET! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It got frustrating that he couldn’t throw in his comments to interrupt him whenever Hinata got too cocky for his taste, like he used to. Neither writing on phone nor paper was fast and sharp enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We could probably fit Nishinoya between us before it gets too cramped.” They both snorted at the image. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[No. Please, no!] That was what he sent but deep down, it wasn’t the worst suggestion of the day, despite the obvious downside of yet another person invading his space. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But if it really bothers you that much, just give me your sleeping bag and I stay on the floor. It’s not that big of a deal,” Hinata said generously, doing a poor job at overplaying his disappointment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Yes, that’d be better] Kageyama typed it he couldn’t bring himself to send it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Come on, that’s all I wanted AND it came from him! Can’t get better than that. Just take him by the offer.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He deleted the message.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck this</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are weird.” Hinata accentuated every word and put down his phone. “Tell you what-” He stood up and began to pull his shirt over his head. “While you make up your mind, I’ll change and get ready for bed. Or the sleeping bag, I’m too tired to care. Oh, and I took a shower while I was home, hope you don’t mind if I skip one tonight and take it in the morning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s trying to kill me. Has no clue but does it anyway.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He had seen Hinata without his shirt before, whenever they changed for practice. They had used communal showers at the same time after practice and during the training camps. They’d even slept next to each other during camp and were so close, he would barely have had to stretch his arm his touch his hair. But that was different. It was a different context when their teammates and even members of other teams around. When the muddled thoughts he had carried for a while were just beginning to become articulate in his head, the presence of their captain, or loud Tanaka and obnoxious Tsukishima had been enough to put a stop to them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alone with Hinata in his bedroom, with nobody there to distract him or making him afraid of what he felt and what it meant, it was like all the safety switches that protected him and Hinata were removed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata really was small for his age, his body almost boyish. No wonder he was so often being mistaken for a middle schooler. Although, over the last couple of months, his shoulders and the lines down his flat stomach had become more defined and his arms looked strong for someone his size and this young-looking. They were the only obvious feature that gave away that he was, indeed, sixteen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What am I supposed to do? Fuck, somebody help me out here! </span>
  </em>
  <span>One thing was for certain, he could not follow his instincts. But he also couldn’t keep staring. If he looked away, though, it would be as suspicious. They were both guys, after all, who were used to sharing one club room, this should be natural for them and thus, he should act just naturally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But what is natural? If anything, I naturally shouldn’t feel like this about my friend in the first place.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata had his back turned to him when he began to open his pants. Kageyama stood up from his chair, thinking of an excuse to leave the room for a few minutes but he couldn’t prevent his eyes from wandering to Hinata’s legs and he froze on the spot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata’s pants hit the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama’s mouth twitched. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He swallowed down a chuckle but only succeeded in bursting with laughter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What now?” Hinata turned around, irritated. Holding a hand in front of his mouth to control himself, he pointed at Hinata’s boxer shorts. Hinata looked down and instantly, his face turned pink. The colour was such an intense contrast to the baby blue shorts with the yellow duckling print that Kageyama laughed only harder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, you asshole! They...they were a gift. From my sister!” He punched Kageyama’s chest but he was already typing on his phone, struggling to keep his laughing down to a chuckle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Like that towel. And the kitten socks. And the new pencils. She’s either generous with her pocket money or you refuse to admit you like cutesy stuff.] He held the screen in front of Hinata’s face, grinning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“YOU….!” Hinata grabbed for his phone but Kagayama, standing up to his full size, stretched his arm over his head until he almost touched the ceiling, keeping the phone out of Hinata’s reach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, that’s unfair! Don’t be an ass!” Hinata stood on his toes but still wasn’t tall enough. Kageyama smirked down at him. There was no reason for Hinata to snatch his phone from him, but by using his lack of height against him, it had just become a matter of principle. Just as it had become the same for Kageyama to not let him get it. Hinata was cute, no, funny when he got worked up like that and, quite gleefully, Kageyama remembered one sign he had looked earlier, that was perfect for a situation like this. He snapped the fingers of his free hand to get Hinata’s attention and quickly signed two words, hoping he remembered them correctly.. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You. Shrimp.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata stopped bouncing and stared at his hand, blinking rapidly a few times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I should laugh or punch your face.” He pressed his lips together to force a scowl but with the twitching corners of his mouth, it looked like a cute pout. “From all the things you could have learned today, you chose </span>
  <em>
    <span>that?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And obviously, you did, too, dumbass, or why do you understand it?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama chuckled and failed to notice that he let his guard down for one second too long. Hinata squatted down to wind himself up and released the tension of his muscles into one high jump. Kageyama reacted and moved his arm out of the way but he wasn’t quick enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata missed the phone but got hold of his wrist. The sudden weight threw Kageyama off balance and pulled him forward while Hinata, still in a forward-motion on his way down, crashed against his chest. Instinctively, Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s shirt, making it impossible for Kageyama to recover his balance and they both went down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama saw the floor coming closer. He had only milliseconds to take the situation in and react. If they came down at this angle, there was a good chance of Hinata’s back landing on one of his weights. With Kageyama above him, he could be seriously injured. If Hinata kept wiggling like this, the angle might be altered enough to also hit his head on another weight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly wrapped his arm around Hinata, far too aware of the smooth, bare skin under his hand. He twisted his foot to change the angle of their fall, pulling Hinata with him. Hinata flailed his arms and tried to get his feet on the floor, blissfully unaware of Kageyama having everything under control and that his wild movements made it more difficult to protect him from a cracked spine or skull fracture. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite Hinata’s unintentional worst efforts, Kageyama managed to keep both of them safe from bruises and injuries and they landed on His bed. Hinata on his back with Kageyama on top. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch. You’re heavy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was all he needed to come back to his senses. He hurried to roll off of Hinata and on his back, covering his face with his hands as he slowly breathed in and breathed out to calm down his pulse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I should never have agreed to this! Why did I open that damn window?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t mocked my shorts, you jerk!” Hinata gave him a playful punch in the ribs. “But see, there’s enough room for both of us. Also, did you know that the national team had an exhibition match against France last month? If you finally made up your mind, let me stay here, and get your phone we could watch that before we sleep.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You dolt, as if you didn’t just make the decision for me. But whatever. I give up. Have it your way. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighed and sat up to pick his phone from the floor. Luckily, the screen was still intact and he could type without a problem. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Okay. But put a shirt on.]</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata had been right. This was fun. They were lying on their stomachs next to each other and watched a recording of the game on Kageyama’s phone. Hinata excitedly talked over the commentator, accidentally pausing the video a few times by pointing at the screen. Kageyama used Hinata’s phone to add his occasional two cents and to tell him to stop being an idiot or he’d kick him out of the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Being back in his own bed after the hospital stay was wonderful by itself but with Hinata’s close presence, he was getting light-headed. They were only inches apart and he was fully aware of Hinata’s body heat. The constant wiggling brought them dangerously close together and a few times, Hinata’s foot brushed his leg or his hip nudged against his side. It was scary but, at the same time, thrilling. In spite of himself, Kageyama counted the seconds those touches lasted, disappointed and relieved that he never got past one, which left him with nothing he could read too much into.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room was dark aside from the phone screens. Hinata was mesmerized by the game. He looked pale in the light of the screen and his hair had a greenish glow. His eyes were almost feverish with excitement and he grinned and laughed with untainted happiness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Almost otherworldly. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kageyama was tired and found it difficult to follow the game, as interesting as it was. Instead, he caught himself several times staring at Hinata. He looked the same and yet different in this strange, dim light. One moment, he was his cute, half-boyish self but then it was like the lines of his face shifted. They became vaguely broader and harder but before Kageyama could fully grasp it, the illusion was gone. As if he glimpsed at another version of him, only for the fragment of a second, a hint of how he was meant to look like in the future. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thinking about it, it wasn’t that much of a mystery. He noticed it in the faces of the second- and especially the third graders. Sometimes, when they made certain expressions, seen from a certain angle, it was easy to imagine how they’d look a few years from now. Naturally, that would apply to him, Hinata, and the other first graders, too. It was just one of those things that eventually would happen so giving it too much thought was a waste of time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Odd, when I look into the mirror, I feel like I look the same like I did when I was twelve, just taller. Wonder if that’s true or I just don’t see it. But he has actually grown a little since our first game. He really looked like from elementary school back then. So much strength and energy in such a small body…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do I have something on my face?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama turned red, moving his head away from the screen to hide it. He’d been deep in his own thoughts and didn’t realize he was openly staring at Hinata the whole time. Unable to come up with a plausible excuse off the top of his head, he pointed at Hinata’s face and nodded slowly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Where? What is it?” Hinata patted his face with both hands, wiping his mouth, then eyes, then cheeks, in pursue of any removable flaw that wasn’t there. Kageyama couldn’t keep it in any longer and chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you just prank me, you asshole?” Hinata squinted at him suspiciously. Kageyama nodded again, almost feeling giddy that he had gotten away with his mistake this easily. Bless Hinata and his naive obliviousness. Bless him and curse him for it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep this up and </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’ll </span>
  </em>
  <span>sleep on the floor!” He kicked Kageyama’s leg under the blanket, half missed it and hit the wall behind him. “Ouch…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama, still chuckling, couldn’t resist and patted Hinata’s head. But what was meant to be a light, quick pat like he’d give an adorable puppy changed when his fingers touched Hinata’s hair and got lost in it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Soft…</span>
  </em>
  <span> He didn’t stop grinning as he ran his fingers through the red hair. How easy it’d be to move to the back of Hinata’s head and- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He abruptly pulled his hand away and signed a quick sorry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just glad you didn’t try to tear it out for once,” Hinata grumbled. There was nothing suspicious in his voice, just the hint of pouting it always had when he was teased. Kageyama sighed. Blessing, curse, it didn’t matter - this much obliviousness was getting painful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Screw this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He took Hinata’s phone, typed, and quickly showed him the message before he could change his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Your hair is soft and smells differently. It’s nice.] He bit his tongue, waiting for whatever fallout his directness might cause. Hinata’s face lit up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You noticed? Got a new shampoo. It’s supposed to make it more controllable but-” his smile dropped a little. “That didn’t work. But it makes it soft and I love the smell.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You are the biggest idiot. But that’s for the better anyway. No clue what I hoped to achieve with this.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Of course you do, it’s strawberry, isn’t it? I bet it’s a pink bottle. Did your sister gift you that one, too?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“NO, I, uh, my mom bought it! She, uh, wanted it for Natsu but it the second bottle was cheaper if she bought two, so, yeah! Stop grinning, jerk!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You do know that nobody would tease you about your love for cute, sweet stuff if you weren’t this defensive about it, don’t you?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Screw you. I’m going to sleep. And I’m taking this!” He grabbed the blanket and wrapped himself into it as he turned around. “You’re warm enough in your sweater anyway.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You’re childish.] But he deleted it. It wasn’t like he could show the message to Hinata’s back anyway and if he wanted to hold it in front of his face, he’d have to get too close. He switched off both phones and put them above the pillows. Then, he turned his back to Hinata, facing the wall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a warm September but October was letting them know that it wasn’t far away. The days were still nice and warm while the sun was out but the nights were getting colder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had nothing else to wear that would cover the scar on his throat but the winter sweater so he had decided to sleep in it. As Hinata said, it would keep him warm. At least his upper body. His sleeping shorts left his legs exposed to the chill night air. He pulled them up, hoping that would help to preserve some warmth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here.” A part of his blanket was thrown over him to cover his hip and legs. Hinata shifted his weight as he turned around. He was as close enough for Kageyama to feel his breath in his neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry. I, uhm, think I should warn you. I’m a restless sleeper. If it gets too bad just kick me to the floor.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Aren’t you always? Or more than usual? Since when? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He stared at the wall in the darkness, recalling the nights they slept in the same room during the training camps. Hinata used to move and sprawl all over his sleeping mat but there wasn’t anything worse that had been worth noticing. He’d never been woken up by it or hear the others complain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Am I supposed to say something? Fuck, I shouldn’t have put the phones out of reach. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d have to turn around to grab one of them and that would put him face to face with Hinata. He didn’t trust himself to not do something stupid like playing with Hinata’s hair again or something worse that might freak Hinata out this time. So he did nothing and a few moments later, he heard - and felt - Hinata breathing evenly. Good. And he better fell asleep soon, too, despite being in a less comfortable position, with less than a third of the space of his own bed and his knees hitting the wall. But he smiled when his thoughts slowly drifted away. It was uncomfortable, scary, and since Hinata had come through the window, there was an ache in his chest that refused to go away. Yet, he was glad that he hadn’t given up and was here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A piercing scream put an abrupt end to his sleep. Disorientated, he jerked up, feeling a shadow of the sickening pain of tubes pulled in his nose and throat and needles moving under his skin. The pain quickly faded back into the realm of unpleasant memories and he breathed freely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell..? Where am I… this isn’t the hospital, no wait, I’m back at home! And...Hinata!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“KAGEYAMA!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata was sitting upright. Even in the darkness, Kageyama saw that his eyes were wide open. He was rambling and shouting but most of it was unintelligible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except for his name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! That’s what he meant?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was unsure what to do but he had to do something. If he could only answer. If he could only call Hinata’s name and tell him that he didn’t have to worry, that he was here! Fuck the phone, pen, or even signing! Nothing of those could reach Hinata. They were useless, useless, useless!  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He held his breath and counted down from ten, calming his nerves with not much success. But he had to keep calm enough to focus on the sobbing creature next to him. He fumbled along the wall until he hit the switch of the reading lamp. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no… </span>
  </em>
  <span>His throat tightened. Hinata’s face was wet from crying and his whole body was trembling. His hands clawed into the blanket so hard that his knuckles were white. But not as white as his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey. Hinata. Shouyou! Fuck, why can’t I make you hear me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He touched Hinata’s shoulder but nothing happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t die please don’t die don’t die you can’t die! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE YOU MUST STAY WITH ME!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here! I’m right here! I’m okay! No, I’m not. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He hissed through his teeth, clenching his fists until his hands hurt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If I was I could call hear me calling you. Fuck. FUCK! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata hiccuped too hard to keep yelling and he wouldn’t stop shaking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had to do something. He hated to see him in this much pain and it was all his fault. He had to make this right somehow. Hinata had been there for him and made it right when he broke down today, twice! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not good at this. I don’t know how to do this. How am I supposed to snap him out of it when I can’t yell at him? That had always worked. Please, just one word. That’s all I ask for. Give me just ONE fucking word! </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing. He tried again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-” Just a weak, guttural sound that died in his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
  <span> He slammed his fist against the wall, scraping the skin of his knuckles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama....” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He forgot about the burning pain of his hand and jerked around. But Hinata was still caught in his nightmare. He didn’t stop rambling and he didn’t stop crying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hinata, I’m right here! How can I make this clear to you?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He felt like crying himself as he saw no other way than to slap him to wake him up. Everything in him revolted against this thought. Then, he stopped thinking. It could have been the exhaustion from the long day, the turmoil of emotions he had been going through from the moment he had left the hospital to Hinata’s screams waking him up. His body didn’t care anymore about what he thought and took over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deeply afraid of what it would do to him, he carefully put his arm around Hinata’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey. I’m here.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He put his free hand on Hinata’s wet cheek, gently stroking it until the sobbing became softer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you can’t hear me but maybe this is enough?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He pulled him closer until Hinata’s head rested against his chest. His hair tickled Kageyama under his chin. It had been awkward whenever other team members gave him a quick hug to celebrate when they scored and he had wished himself far away when Hinata’s mother hugged him to thank him while he had no idea what to do with his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now he didn’t think about anything. He held him tightly, feeling tensed and at the same time comforted by the softness and scent of Hinata’s hair and tenderly stroked his back, without questioning if what he was doing was right or wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The yelling stopped. Hinata’s hands relaxed and let go of the blanket. But he was still trembling and quietly whimpering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s okay. I’m alive. We’re safe and I’m right here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He buried his face buried in his hair, one hand on Hinata’s back, the other on his face, silently praying that what he was doing was really helping and that he didn’t lie to himself to have an excuse to touch him like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The crying slowed down and after a few minutes, it was over. The tension was leaving Hinata’s lithe body and he slumped against Kageyama’s chest like a doll. He was still slightly trembling but he was breathing calmly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you asleep? Have you really been this whole time? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kageyama carefully shook Hinata’s shoulder. His head rolled limply to the side and he gave a small, snoring noise. Kageyama smiled faintly with relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hoping they’d moved past the worst, he slowly pushed him back onto the bed. Hinata didn’t struggle or protest. There was no doubt that he was deeply asleep. After one rueful look at the small, pained face, Kageyama switched off the light and laid down by his side, watching him and listen to him breathe. The trembling had eased but it was still there. He badly wanted to take him into his arms again but he didn’t want to risk waking him up now that he was finally sleeping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama winced but Hinata was mumbling to himself in his sleep, his eyes closed, and his quiet voice trailing off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He laid his hand on Hinata’s chest, feeling his heartbeat under the trembling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry you’re suffering but I’m here, with you. And I’m glad I am. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watched him until he couldn’t keep his eyes open.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Throwing Grammarly at this chapter and cleaning away the red trail was the most productive thing I did today, lol.</p>
<p>But hey, chapter 13 already. And I can proudly say I still don't have the need for an outline to not get lost. I'm not sure, though, if this is something to be proud of :'D</p>
<p>Have a nice weekend, everyone, and thanks for reading and for your comments! 🌻</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sleep was good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So good that Hinata tightly pressed his eyes shut. He refused to be pulled out of the endless warmth of his shapeless dreams. He half succeeded and found himself in this stage where wasn’t deeply asleep but was also aware that he wasn’t fully awake yet. He was cosy and comfortable and he could have stayed like this forever if there hadn’t been that one nagging feeling trying to wake him up - something was different. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not in a bad way, it was all good as it was. But the sheets didn’t feel like his, the mattress got it all wrong, something was off with the pillow, and the smell wasn’t right, too. Again, not bad at all but not like it was supposed to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t wanna…</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite his best efforts, he slowly opened his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh?</span>
  </em>
  <span> The room was still too dim to see well but as it was, he barely saw anything at all. He turned his head a little and realized that he could barely move at all. His eyes got used to the darkness just enough to make out a shape in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, right. This isn’t my bed. I’m staying with Kageyama this weekend. He, stupid, that I’d forget that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He closed his eyes and snuggled against Kageyama’s chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opened his eyes again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!</span>
  </em>
  <span> His face rested against Kageyama’s soft sweater, so closely, he felt his chest rising and lowering underneath. Hinata swallowed hard, trying his best not to move and wake him up. Kageyama’s arms were wrapped around him, one of his hands resting on Hinata’s back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank god he’s asleep. He’s so gonna punch me if he wakes up now.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He lowered his head as if he anticipated the blow any moment, not thinking when he grabbed Kageyama’s sweater and held on to it. He bit hard on his lip to keep in a shriek when the body around him stirred. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t wake up, please don’t wake up…</span>
  </em>
  <span> He waited. Nothing happened. Keeping as still as humanly possible, Hinata silently counted down from ten. Still nothing. He relaxed a bit. </span>
</p>
<p><em><span>How did that even happen?</span></em> <em><span>And what am I supposed to do? </span></em><span>He tried to look up at his face which wasn’t possible from this angle without turning his head, so he gave up. He could try to wiggle himself free but the arms were so tightly and heavily around him, he doubted this was possible without waking Kageyama up and consequently being kicked out of the bed. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>He could also wake him up and just tell him that they somehow ended up in this position during the night and hope for the best. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s kinda nice, though.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He closed his eyes again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Warm.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Or he could just stay like this and hope to fall asleep again and by the time they woke up for good, they’d have gotten untangled somehow before Kageyama noticed. No harm done. If he noticed, well, Hinata would deal with that when it happened. As this was the only strategy he could think of that had a chance of him not getting punched or kicked in the gut, he might as well go with that one. </span>
</p>
<p><em><span>Funny, this hadn’t happened before during other sleepovers and I’ve known my other friends longer than him. </span></em><span>He stifled a yawn and shifted his head into a more comfortable position. </span><em><span>Or he dreamed someone else was here? I wonder who?</span></em> <em><span>Shimizu? She’s really pretty. But he’d never shown much of an interest in her. Yachi, maybe? She’s cute and they talk sometimes. </span></em><span>He tried to picture her in his place and quickly dismissed the image. That felt so wrong, he didn’t even want to see it in his mind. </span></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Weird. And it’s not like I can ask him if he mistook me for a girl while he slept and who she is. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That was a scenario that was too easy to imagine and ended with bruised ribs for him or a handful of loose strands of his hair. Refusing to worry himself fully wake up he began to count from one to one hundred. Somewhere around thirty, he finally dozed off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was already morning when Hinata woke up again. He sat up, stretched his arms, and yawned widely. The bed next to him was empty and he wondered if he had dreamed what happened earlier. If it had been a dream, it had been damn realistic. He felt his head and his sides. Nothing hurt. He had a bit of a sore throat but he could hardly blame Kageyama for that when yesterday’s running, biking, crying, and shouting were more likely culprits. And more or less caused by Kageyama so in a way… Anyway, whether he’d really been held by Kageyama while he was asleep or not, it hadn’t ended with him being woken up by a brawl, and that was good news so far.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wonder where he is? How late is it?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He quickly found his phone and checked the time. 9 am in the morning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh, and that on a free Saturday.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He tossed the blanket aside and swung his legs out of the bed, shivering. The curtains covering most of the window moved slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No wonder it’s so cold in here,” he complained to nobody in particular and jumped off the bed. The sooner he got moving, the faster he’d warm up. He patted his grumbling stomach. Tea and a warm breakfast would also help his cause. He hoped he wouldn’t be met with too much resistance when he tried to coax Kageyama to get out to find a place to eat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instantly in a good mood, his bare feet tapped over the floor on his way to the living room. Just when he opened the door, Kageyama came through the apartment door at the other end of the room. He still wore the clothes he slept in and carried a laundry basket under his arm, looking rather sleepy. He vaguely nodded in Hinata’s direction without really looking at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Kageyama!” Cheerfully, Hinata skipped towards him. Kageyama nodded again and put the basket on the couch. He picked his notebook from the coffee table, flipped through the pages, and held it up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Everything okay?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata squinted at the writing, the gears in his head turning. He hated thinking on an empty stomach in the morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” He finally got it. “Wait, did you really pre-write what you want to say to me?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama went through the pages again and held up another.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Maybe?] Then he went back to the previous one. [Everything okay?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep.” He grinned, bouncing a little .”Haven’t slept this good in forever. Your bed’s really comfortable.” If Kageyama didn’t mention anything about sleep-hugging he wouldn’t either. “A little hungry, though,” he added ruefully when his stomach called attention to itself again. “Do you think we could-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama interrupted him with a wave of his hand and motioned him to follow him into the kitchen. As soon as Hinata stepped inside, a familiar smell of warm rice and miso greeted him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You made breakfast? Really?” He happily aimed for the table while Kageyama served both of them a portion of rice along with a bowl of miso soup. Hinata put his hand around the hot bowl, shaking it gently and watching how clouds formed, spiralled, and dispersed in the liquid. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama sat down and tapped at a sheet of paper lying on the table. Hinata glanced over it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Rice and instant soup only, I’m afraid. I’ll need to buy groceries later if you still want to stay.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I do,” Hinata sputtered, already wolfing down the slightly overcooked rice. “And I’ll help you with the groceries. Got money from my mom for that, remember? Hey,” he kicked Kageyama’s foot under the table. “Why don’t we go on a run and buy stuff on our way back? Look, the weather is nice.” He nodded at the window. It was a sunny morning with a crisp blue sky. From where they sat they couldn’t see one single cloud. Hinata loved running on mornings like this. It was hard at first, with the cool air cutting through his airways but once his muscles warmed up and he fell into the right rhythm, he always felt like he could soar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama was brooding over his food while he ate, not showing any indication of giving an answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s do it. You haven’t had a good run in weeks, right?” Hinata kicked him again and dodged the rice corn that was flipped at him. An idea hit him. He’d get his run and he’d get Kageyama to join him. “But maybe your right and you better run on your own when I’m gone. After such a long pause, you probably can’t keep up with me anyway.” With an air of generous indifference, he poured the remaining rice into his mouth, pretending he didn’t notice Kageyama’s glare. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” he said between swallowing, “Wouldn’t want you to hold me back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kagayama slammed his bowl on the table, pushed back his chair, and stood up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Perfect.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hinata quickly finished his soup, wiping his face while he stood up and followed him into the living room. Kageyama was digging through the fresh laundry and pulled up a long-sleeved shirt. Two other shirts fell out of the basket in the process. Hinata picked them up and was about to put them back when he got a better look at the one Kageyama was holding. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you really plan to only wear turtlenecks from now on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that why you got up this early? Doing the laundry to get those clean? You could have slept longer and just put on something else.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama held up another of his prepared answers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I don’t want to.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Sleep longer?” So he did notice that he had been hugging Hinata? And decided to do chores as an excuse to flee? Hinata pulled a face. It made sense but just as with so many other things that made sense, he didn’t like it. Kageyama rolled his eyes, grabbed a pen, and scribbled under the prewritten words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I don’t want to. Wear anything else. Only got three and two needed cleaning.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Hinata smiled but was right back to frowning as the answer sunk in. “Wait, that’s stupid. You got so many other nice shirts. Why give up on wearing them?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama flipped a few pages ahead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Make an educated guess.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what, I don’t like this.” If his hand weren’t occupied with unfolding one of the shirts, he’d have snatched the notebook from him and thrown it against his head. “I get that it’s easier for you but I don’t like how it feels. Like I’m boring and predictable or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama’s mouth twitched as he opened an empty page and began to write. Then he struck through the letters and started over on another page. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[It is easier. But you’re right. It feels odd.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you just admit that I’m right? What is this, my birthday?” Hinata’s mood was back to cheerful in an instant. Kageyama swung his arm but Hinata ducked before he could hit him with the notebook. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“While we agree that I’m right, why not wearing this?” He offered him the shirt that was still in his hand. It was a simple black one from a popular sports brand and had the small white logo printed on the chest and white stripes down one side. Hinata had seen it on him a few times before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[No.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could just sign that instead of writing or pre-writing it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama tapped at the same answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to put up a fight every time before I get you to sign or do you just plan to do it when you can insult me? Don’t answer that!” He hit Kageyama with the shirt but failed at wiping that smirk off his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So that’s what I get for trying to help you.” He pouted, crossing his arms. “Stupid canned answers and insults. When all I did was asking why you won’t wear this instead.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Why are you so obsessed with what I wear?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not!” Hinata cried out in protest, looking at the black shirt. He had no idea why it was so important to him. Kageyama didn’t look bad in his turtleneck sweater and wouldn’t in the shirts and it wasn’t his business. It rubbed him the wrong way, though. “Shame, though. I like that one.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama finished an answer and held the notebook under Hinata’s nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Keep it if you want.] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, really?” His heart did a little jump. He held up the unfolded shirt in front of him. It was too big and too long and there was no chance in hell that he’d look half as good as Kageyama in it. Didn’t matter, it was his now. But it still didn’t sit right with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Why not?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve never given stuff away like this before. You’re usually too cheap to share your snacks and punch everyone who even gets too close to them!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama growled while he scribbled the answer, his handwriting becoming unruly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[I punch </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> because </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> constantly try to steal </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>food! Nobody else!]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t share! My point stands! Now, why are you suddenly so generous? With a brand shirt of all things?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Can’t you just accept it? Do you always have to push it?]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes! Because you’re my friend! And getting gifts from friends isn’t half as fun if the reasons behind it suck!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You know what sucks? That this isn’t ever going away!] As he held up the reply, he tapped the pen against his throat, where the high neck covered most of the bandage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Hinata whispered, looking from Kageyama’s throat to the shirt in his hands. </span>
  <em>
    <span> But it’s just a scar. You can’t hide it forever. I know it reminds you of the worst time in your life and everything that comes with it. But it reminds me that you almost threw away your life for me. I hate it but not like you do. And it means that you live and... </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had much to say and there were many more things he failed to put into thoughts, let alone words  He sensed, however, that it didn’t matter which words he chose, they wouldn’t reach Kageyama. Another time, maybe, but not now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t accept it as a gift,” he finally said without looking at him. “But I’ll borrow it. I’ll absolutely wear it and treat it like it's mine but when you change your mind one day, I’ll give it back.” Hinata quickly slipped out of his shirt and slipped into the black one, almost getting lost in it. He laughed when his head was finally free. “At least you don’t have to worry about me stretching it out.” He lifted his arms. The shirt was hanging loosely around him and it was far too long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose wearing a larger size doesn’t actually make me look bigger, does it? Ow!” He rubbed his head where the notebook had just hit him. “What was that for?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stomped past him, ignoring Hinata when he tried to give him back the notebook. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong now, what are you doing? Was it something I said?” Everything seemed fine enough and suddenly, another freakout. Damn, that pattern was getting annoying and Kageyama could be so annoying, too! Even if he didn’t like Hinata’s suggestion of just borrowing that shirt, that was no reason to get angry to the point of turning red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama stopped in front of the door to his room and barely turned around. Hinata got only more confused but almost gave a squeak of delight when he realized Kageyama was actually trying to use his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Run. Have to-” he began to sign but stopped, moving his fingers uselessly. Huffing in frustration, he gestured at himself and tugged his shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Run and- you mean clothes? Change for going on a run?” Hinata put the signs and gesture together and made the sign for clothes. He grinned when Kageyama nodded and - to his surprise - mimicked the sign before he opened the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, don’t you need those, then?” Hinata pointed at the clean clothes in the laundry basket. Still not looking at Hinata, Kageyama stomped back, grabbed the laundry basket, and hurried to disappear inside his room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata sat down on the sofa, scratching his head. What a weirdo. Well, at least he’d finally get his run. His legs bounced and he was itching to get outside and power himself out. He got up, the wide shirt fluttering around him. He tweaked his body, arms stretched, amused how it felt more like someone had thrown an oversized blanket over him. It was even long enough to cover his boxer shorts. Hinata blushed. He’d almost forgotten about them and how they were the cause of lots of teasing last night. Just because he had forgotten about the fact that someone would see them when he put them on after showering at home. He’d been too focused on appeasing his mom and packing his bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fortunately, he had thought of grabbing his gym and outdoor clothes, just in case. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, they were all in Kageyama’s bedroom and given how strange he acted, Hinata suspected he better didn’t follow him. So he sat down again and waited for Kageyama to return, hoping he’d have gotten his shit together by then. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You got everything?” Hinata asked. “Keys? Phone? Paper? Pen?” He patted down his sports jacket to make sure he hadn’t forgotten his own phone. He’d also stuffed a few sheets of crumpled paper and a spare pen into one of the pockets, just in case. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama nodded. He’d checked his own pockets three or four times. It annoyed him to have to bring so much stuff but the last thing he wanted was to be stranded kilometres away from home without a way to communicate. He pulled up the zippers of his pockets, instantly feeling uneasy. It got worse when Hinata ushered him out of the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d stared out of the hospital window for hours a day, wishing for nothing but to go on a run but now, with the door closed behind him and a thin layer of fabric and a zipper between him and his phone and writing tools, he felt alone and isolated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s up with that face?” Hinata slapped his arm, hard. Kageyama rubbed his arm and scowled but failed to put a dent in Hinata’s cheerfulness. “It’s gonna be okay,” Hinata said, signing while he spoke. Kageyama only caught the sign for ‘okay,’ the rest flew over his head. “I swear I won’t tease you for being out of shape, you can relax.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Bless you, you idiot, and your gift to misread the situation.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But he did relax and by the time he stepped outside, feeling the gravel under his running shoes and the fresh air in his lungs, he felt more relaxed than ever. He glanced at Hinata while they stretched to warm up their leg and back muscles. It definitely helped that Hinata was back to wearing clothes that actually fitted him, with clearly visible pants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the first few steps, he had other things to worry about. Lying confined to his hospital bed had taken a toll on his fitness and his legs let him know. Stretching had already been hard and he hadn’t fully managed to loosen up his stiff joints. Less than a hundred meters in, he already began to feel the price. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was aware of every pull, every stretch, every contraction of the muscle strings in his calves. The sinews that connected his knees with the other parts of his legs felt like they’d snap if he kept pushing. Every time his feet hit the hard concrete sent a shock up his spine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he kept going and he felt wonderful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They had left the neighbourhood behind them. Hinata vaguely led them into their school’s direction, down to the familiar paths the team would use for endurance runs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay?” Hinata shouted over his shoulder. He was right in front of him, the relaxed bounce in his step giving away that he was holding back. Kageyama equally wanted to hug and punch him for that. He grinned and held up his thumb. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was getting better. The pain in his legs had turned into a diffused, warm burn. He’d be sore before the day was over but it was nothing that a hot shower couldn’t ease and it was worth it. He hadn’t noticed how off his steps had been until he fell back into his usual steady rhythm. His knees were doing better and once he held his back right, the pain along his spine faded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one struggle that remained was breathing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The air was fresh but also cold and he had to shake off the memories of the tubes down his nose and throat as it cut through his airways and down into his lungs. He should have been familiar with the burning sensation in the back of his throat which was a harmless consequence of breathing in the wrong rhythm for a few minutes but he struggled to separate it from the pain his injury caused for over a month. His head got dizzy and the sidewalk and Hinata’s back disappeared behind white hospital walls. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stopped. Back bent and his hands on his upper legs, he heaved, trying to catch his breath between coughs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kageyama, hey!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Someone was shaking him by his shoulder. He looked up. Hinata. Judging from the worried look on his face, he had already tried a few times to call him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gently brushed the hand away and straightened his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m okay,” he signed after taking a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t really look like you are.” Hinata eyed him sceptically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” he signed again. Lacking the knowledge of how to explain that he had been freaking out over a dry throat, he pointed at it, coughing again. Hinata zipped his jacket open and pulled a small water bottle from one of the large inner pockets. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here.” He offered him the bottle. “Does that help?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What else are you smuggling in there? A convenience store?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Forced to keep his snark to himself, Kageyama accepted the offer, being more grateful than he let on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first sip of water </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Despite Hinata’s love for carbonated soda, he had learned the hard way that it was better to carry still sports drinks while running. Having it stored away so close to his body, the water was almost warm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yet, it felt like swallowing needles at first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then, once his throat was wet, the pain disappeared like smoke in the wind. His breathing calmed down and, holding on to the water bottle, for the first time they left he took in his surroundings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were on the path leading around Karasuno, on top of the small hillside that framed one of the minor rivers that would later unite with the Kitakami River outside their district. The air was clear and he could see way past the meadow at the other side of the river. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The water was blue and docile. The last time he had been here it was still at the height of summer and children had played at the riverbank. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was too cold today to dangle bare feet into the stream. Kids wouldn’t come out until the air warmed up during noon and most adults were busy at this hour to finish tasks they couldn’t during the week. Only a few people who walked their dogs were out and strayed away from the path to let their pets play in the shallow parts of the water while the sun was out. Far behind the city, where the mountains began to protrude behind industry complexes, clouds gathered. They were few and white now but at this time of the year, this might change by the time the wind brought them closer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama inhaled slowly, the air tasting like fall on his tongue. His throat was fine again. His calves were twitching; the muscles that had been protesting against the strain didn’t know how to handle the abrupt stop. They’d cramp if he didn’t continue his run or stretch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His body worked. On so many days in the hospital, he had thought he was falling apart and there was nothing left in life to keep him together but since he had gotten out, everything around him seemed to conspire to prove him wrong. Oikawa, Mr. Takeda, Hinata, and now his own body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was difficult and painful and he’d have to work hard to get where he used to be and far beyond. And it had already begun. His legs would cramp and be sore and tomorrow morning, he’d run again, and the cramps would be less violent and the soreness would fade. He would keep going and just because the path was longer and harder it didn’t mean it’d never lead to the same end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And where was the end supposed to be anyway? The nationals? Internationals? That practice match Oikawa had mentioned?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look better. Good. Got me worried there for a second, being all pale.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata looked up at him, his expression between relief and reproachful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he signed and smiled. But then, that smile turned into a grin. He pushed the almost empty water bottle against Hinata’s chest who instinctively grabbed it before it fell down. Kageyama patted Hinata’s shoulder and ran. Ahead, further down the path, without looking back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, that’s not fair!” Hinata called after him. Kageyama heard his uneven steps on the concrete and how he cursed under his breath to put the bottle away without falling too far behind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheater!”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the late upload but one of my sneks demanded attention. And when snek demands attention, snek gets attention.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’d completed about half of the usual distance Kageyama used to run on the weekends before breakfast. His lungs burnt as if he had been running a marathon all day. His feet had gotten used to wearing comfortable slippers and reacted with pain to suddenly being confined by the supportive but restrictive nature of running shoes. It didn’t worry him too much, his body would get used to it in a few days if he didn’t slack off. Hinata had barely worked up a sweat and his walk was relaxed after he slowed down. </p><p>Kageyama forced his breathing under control and did his best to hide the limp from the overall soreness. Refusing to admit defeat, he tapped Hinata on the shoulder and nodded at the road ahead, gesturing him to keep going. </p><p>Hinata waved him off. “Nah, I’m hungry. Not to sound ungrateful, but a humble breakfast like today doesn’t last long.” He jumped aside when Kageyama tried to hit his arm. Kageyama grimaced but let the topic rest. It was obvious that Hinata pretended to be more exhausted than he was for his sake and that chewed on his pride. On the other hand, wanting too much at once and pushing himself too hard to get it could easily result in a more serious injury like a pulled string or muscle and that would set him back even more. </p><p>“Let’s call it a tie and get some snacks.” Hinata yawned, scratching his stomach under his jacket, and pointed ahead. “Maybe we’re lucky and it’s Ukai’s shift.” </p><p>Sakanoshita Market was just down the road, meaning they had gotten further than Kageyama thought. He’d been too wrapped up in his mind, trying to think the aches away, to take in his surroundings. He stopped. </p><p>“Something wrong?” Hinata had walked a few steps ahead before he noticed Kageyama wasn’t following him. He turned around and went back to him. Kageyama shook his head. </p><p><em> Do we have to? </em> He wanted to suggest another store but didn’t know how to sign it and he wasn’t sure if he could hold a pen steadily while still half out of breath. Even if - he didn’t know how to explain his unease. The coach, of all people. That was as daunting as running into Sawamura. Or Sugawara. Or Tanaka. Or Tsukishima. Or anybody else. </p><p>“Get moving, you stubborn donkey!” Hinata, probably guessing where his sudden reluctance came from, had moved behind him and gave him a push. “You have to face everyone on Monday anyway. Seeing Ukai now is one awkward encounter out of the way.” </p><p><em> Yeah, sure, I still don’t want to… </em>Coach Ukai had visited weeks ago when he was still recovering from his second surgery and had just gotten the news about the irreparable damage to his vocal cords. He feared his rude behaviour had sent a clear message - after being brushed off and mostly ignored, Ukai hadn’t come again. </p><p>Half shoved, half dragged by Hinata, they reached the store after a few minutes. Showing a shred of mercy, Hinata halted a few steps away from the automatic door.</p><p>“Hey, you can do this.” Hinata gave him a nudge, a wide grin on his face. “And if you really mess up, I’m here to help.” </p><p><em> And make the mess even worse, knowing you. </em> Kageyama smiled in spite of himself and pushed him. Then he signed, “Thanks,” before walking through the door, Hinata right behind him. </p><p>His messy hair held back by a hairband and dark circles under his eyes, Keishin Ukai looked like he hadn’t gotten enough sleep in days. His feet were resting on the counter and all his attention was focused on the sports magazine he was holding in one hand. The burning cigarette in his other one hovered over an ashtray. </p><p>“Good morning, how can I help you- oh! You!” Ukai tossed the magazine aside and dropped the cigarette into the tray. Three long strides and he got to the door. Kageyama shrank back at the overwhelming force coming right for him and bumped into Hinata behind him. Ukai slammed his hands on Kageyama’s shoulders, shaking him. </p><p>“Thank god, there you are! And Hinata, too! I know I didn’t need to worry when I sicced you on him.” He winked at Hinata and steered Kageyama away from the door, to the corner with the table where they had spent many evenings to discuss game strategies. </p><p>Kageyama looked uncomfortably over his shoulder, at Hinata. Sicced. Did that mean their coach was behind Hinata’s invasion yesterday? If so, it was entirely possible that Hinata’s persistent hospital visits had also been the coach’s order. </p><p>“Not that it took much effort to convince him,” Ukai laughed, slapping Kageyama’s back. “Sit down, you two, I get you something to drink.”</p><p>“What’s with that brooding face?” Hinata grabbed a chair and pulled it next to Kageyama. “You aren’t pouting because he’s glad to see you, are you?” </p><p><em> Pen, or phone. Pen, or phone. Which is better? </em> He rummaged through his pockets and, unable to make up his mind, threw both on the table, along with his notebook. He picked the phone. </p><p>[I’m not pouting.]</p><p>“Shut up, I know how you look when you pout..”</p><p>Ukai interrupted them by putting two sports drinks in front of them. He also threw several protein bars on the table, sample sizes.</p><p>“Here, on the house.” The coach sat down across from them while Hinata already stuffed the first bar into his mouth. Kageyama shoved his share to Hinata’s pile. “You’re lucky, it’s quiet for a Saturday so I got a few minutes before the next rush. Bet you’re dying to hear about our talk with the principal.” </p><p>Hinata nodded eagerly and grabbed the bottle. Kageyama picked up his and tried to keep his face under control. The drink was ice cold. Small droplets of condensation water were running down the bottle. Low on sugar, extra potassium and magnesium. Grape flavoured, not too sweet, not too sour. Perfect. If it weren’t carbonated. </p><p>He was thirsty and his body needed more than the water Hinata brought. And it was a free drink, it would be rude if he rejected it and demanded something else. </p><p>“Something wrong with it?” Ukai’s sharp eyes had noticed his discomfort and hesitance to open the bottle. “Do you want something else?” </p><p><em> Yes! But… </em> He glanced at Hinata who just put down his bottle and wiped his face. </p><p>“I take yours if you don’t want it.” Hinata grinned at him. </p><p><em> Not helpful. Thanks a lot. </em>He scowled at him and pulled the drink away from his hands. </p><p>“Give it to him, whatever makes him grow.” Ukai laughed, dismissing the issue with a wave of his hand. “Spit it out. What do you want? No booze, though!” </p><p>It still felt wrong to ask for something else even when offered but staring at the table without answering wasn’t much better. He chose writing to communicate with their coach instead of his phone. </p><p>[Thank you. I’d like milk if it’s not too much of a bother. I’ll pay.]</p><p>“You’ll do nothing of that sort. Not today.” Ukai got up and quickly returned with two small milk packages, chocolate flavoured. “Not the ideal refreshment after a good run but you should get more out of them than the natural flavour.” </p><p>Chocolate was usually too sugary for his taste but he gratefully accepted. He agreed with the coach, other sources of energy would have been better than sugar but it was better than nothing. On top, the texture soothed his throat. </p><p>“How do you know we were running?” Hinata piped up. He had already secured Kageyama’s rejected drink. </p><p>“Doubt you went out for a morning stroll in your sports clothes.” </p><p><em> Yeah. Genius. </em>Satisfied that his thirst finally subsided, Kageyama smirked at Hinata. </p><p>“Also, flushed faces, messy hair. It’s not exactly rocket science to guess what you were up to. At least I hope so, at your age.” Ukai laughed at his joke while Hinata and Kageyama exchanged a look. They didn’t get it.</p><p>“What’s with the principal?” Hinata changed the topic. Ukai instantly calmed down and put on a serious face. “You and Mr. Takeda convinced him to let him stay, didn’t you?” Hinata raised his voice, suddenly alert and worried. </p><p>“For, now, yes.” Ukai got straight to the point and Hinata let out a sigh of relief. Kageyama wasn’t too sure how to feel about it, yet. </p><p>[For now?] he wrote and turned the notebook around. </p><p>“Yeah.” Ukai scratched his head and flinched. “Can’t say they were too impressed with the stunt Takeda and Hinata pulled but they accepted it. For now, as I said. Mostly because they don’t have a choice until they get the documents back, I fear, and not because they were convinced. Long story short, there’s another meeting on Monday with them, Takeda, and me. And you, too, Kageyama. It’s good you two are here so I can brief you. Had no doubt that you’d change your mind but wasn’t sure how long it’d take Hinata to get you there, that’s why I haven’t called yet.” </p><p>Kageyama shuddered. He had expected to meet with the principals again, be it to explain he reconsidered or to resign for good. He wasn’t looking forward to it at all. He couldn’t deny that he felt grateful for Mr. Takeda’s and Hinata’s intervention but that and how they did it likely hadn’t put him into the principal’s good graces. </p><p>[What do they want from me exactly? If you can tell me?] </p><p>“To confirm what Takeda and I told them. That you, like us, believe that you have a future as a professional setter despite the loss of your voice, which would boost Karasuno’s reputation immensely. That it won’t be hard to integrate you back into the team and that you’re willing to work harder than ever. On your athletic skills but also on your normal lessons.” Ukai smiled apologetically after the last bit. “We all know that you aren’t a star student and I’m afraid they might use that against you.” </p><p>Kageyama looked down at the paper in front of him, twisting the pen between his fingers. That it wouldn’t be hard. That he believes in his future as a professional setter. That was easier said than done. </p><p>“Stop doubting yourself, Kageyama.” Hinata put his hand on his arm. “It’s what you want. I know it and you know it, too. Or not?” </p><p>He moved the pen over the paper, drawing random circles and lines. </p><p>“You’re scared,” Ukai said after a while. “That’s natural in your situation and I wish I could have pushed back the meeting by a week or so. To give you the chance to play with your team and see for yourself. But it is as it is and you must keep one thing in mind.” Ukai grabbed his wrist, stopping the mindless scribbling. “Neither Takeda nor I would put our names and reputations on the line and kick up such a fuss if we weren’t convinced you’re worth it.” </p><p>“That sounds kinda mean, Coach.” </p><p>“Sorry, Hinata. That’s not judging him as a person. Or as your friend.” He gave Hinata an understanding smile. “Takeda and I are certain that he has it in him to get far despite his disability. We wouldn’t try so hard to figure something out if we thought a different path was better for him. Kageyama, your place is on the court. Even if you have to fight three times harder for it than before. Personally, I think that any alternative plan for your life would be even harder for you. Don’t you think so?” </p><p>Kageyama jerked up his head, looking at his coach with a blank stare. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck, they’ve all been right. Even Oikawa had been right. I got intimidated by the thought of how hard I’ll have to struggle to keep playing. I was too scared of that and the possibility to fail that I haven’t thought of it like that. That every other alternative would be so much worse and harder than that. </em>
</p><p>“I-I haven’t thought about it like that,” Hinata echoed his thoughts. “I knew the whole time that there’s only one right choice. Knew it here.” He patted his chest, right above his heart. “I haven’t considered that doing anything else would be worse. Only that it’d be wrong.” </p><p>“That’s because you’re 50% instinct, Hinata. That’s okay, you’re young. But it also wouldn’t hurt you to try to be more strategic. Also in the classroom.” </p><p>“Yeeeah…” </p><p>“I’m serious but I’ll get to that in a moment. First I need to hear it from you, Kageyama. Takeda and I are on the same page, and so is Hinata. What about you? Do you believe you’re worth it?” </p><p>“Of co-” </p><p>Ukai raised his hand to interrupt Hinata, who deflated and slumped down on his seat. </p><p>“Let him answer.” </p><p>Kageyama slowly tore off the used page and stared at the blank one for a moment. </p><p>Worth. What did that even mean? When his middle school team turned their backs on him during their last game together, he wasn’t worth anything. It hadn’t been about his talent or skill or ambitions that defined his worth. He had less worth than the free-spirited life his parents had yearned for so much that they chased after it. Less than Miwa’s job obligations and ambitions. </p><p>He looked at Hinata’s eager face. He was fidgeting on his chair and about to burst. If he wasn’t allowed to talk soon he’d bite off his own lip. </p><p>
  <em> You really think I am, right? Why? Because of our quick strike? Because nobody else can keep up with your chaotic jumps? Is that enough?  </em>
</p><p>It was. </p><p>[I don’t care if I’m worth it or not. I want back on the court and play. Play and win. Until I die.] He flinched. Seeing the words written sounded pathetically melodramatic. He grabbed the notebook back before Ukai could comment on it and added, [It takes a great setter to keep this guy useful and I’m the only one who can do that.] He drew an arrow that pointed at Hinata after he turned the notebook around and shoved it across the table. </p><p>Ukai chuckled. He lit another cigarette, blowing the smoke up into the air and studied Kageyama’s reply for another moment before he answered. Hinata stretched his neck to see what Kageyama had written and huffed, but didn’t say anything. He did kick Kageyama’s leg instead which sent a disproportional flash of pain through it. Kageyama held back a groan. If his legs were already this sensitive he didn’t want to think of how they’d feel later today or tomorrow. </p><p>“Good answer, I like it. I really do,” Ukai finally said, nodding approvingly. “I get it. Everyone with a spark of passion for their sport would get it. It’s enough for me. Hell, it’d be enough for my grandfather and god knows he’s hard to please. He also agrees that you need to keep playing, by the way.” </p><p>Kageyama straightened. A pleasantly warm feeling spread through his chest and his cheeks turned red. If Ukai senior thought he could still do it then it was almost his duty to not disappoint him. </p><p>“However,” Ukai continued. Hinata muttered something about how there’s always a however and of course, things could never be that easy but the other two ignored him. “It’s not the language the principals speak. You must go with their rhetoric. It’s not too difficult, you have to listen to what they say and how, and Takeda and I will also make sure to use the right words. But when they ask you, you have to use them as well.”</p><p>Kageyama shifted uncomfortably at that and took back his notebook. </p><p>[I’m not a good liar.]</p><p>“Noble, but doesn’t matter. Also, try not to think of it as lying. You reword what you feel in a way they can understand. It’s like speaking another language, some things always get lost in translation, but as long as you get the message across- that reminds me!” He slammed his fist on the table, making both boys jump. Ukai hurried behind the counter and quickly returned with a slim folder in his hand. He opened it and spread several loose sheets of paper on the table. </p><p>Kageyama recognised them at once. They were copies from the sign language book. Guessing where this was going, he sank down on his chair as much as he could without slinking under the table. Ukai’s attentive eyes noticed his body language and instantly caught on. </p><p>“I was about to ask how it’s going with signing but just from looking at you, I fear I won’t like the answer. Hinata?” </p><p>“Uh…” Hinata looked at the coach with a guilty expression. “We started learning yesterday. But we’ll do more today and tomorrow!” </p><p>“Started. <em> Where? </em>” </p><p>“Uhm…” Hinata mumbled an answer that neither Kageyama nor Ukai understood. For Kageyama, it wasn’t necessary, he was more than aware of the truth and that it was all on him. His hand clenched around the pen and he stared at the table in front of him, unable to look either of them into the eyes. </p><p>“And now in louder?” </p><p>“At the beginning!” Hinata almost shouted in agony. “At the very beginning! Greetings, questions, the list. We’re sorry and I swear we’re really working on it!” </p><p><em> We. You mean I. You have nothing to apologise for, you idiot, and he knows it. </em> But he was grateful that Hinata was willing to shield him by sharing the blame.</p><p>“Fuck. Kageyama, why?” Ukai sighed. He leaned back, balancing the chair on two legs, and opened the fridge behind him to get himself a beer. </p><p>[I’m sorry. It’s my fault.]</p><p>“I know but I don’t get why.”  Ukai cracked the beer can open. Kageyama got an uncomfortable feeling in his throat just from hearing it fizzle, adding to his general feeling of dread. It was one thing to share the answer to that with Hinata and that had already been hard. He didn’t want to talk about it with anybody else but feared if he said so it’d destroy a lot of the goodwill their coach was showing. </p><p>“Does it matter why?” Hinata came to his rescue. His knee gently knocked against Kageyama’s. He glanced at Hinata who lightly nodded at him. Kageyama understood the silent message:’<em> Don’t worry. I got you.’ </em></p><p>“Well, kinda, given that a good chunk of our promises is based on him working as hard as he can to be able to communicate,” Ukai said, sounding impatient while he sipped on his beer, but Hinata shook his head. </p><p>“We dealt with the why and he’s learning now. That matters.” Hinata’s sincere face was dead serious. His voice dropped like it always did when he was like this, and for the moment it was calm and smooth when it was usually lively and bouncy, matching his whole personality. “He’ll know what’s necessary for practice on Monday and enough to be polite during the meeting. Anyway, do they even understand signing?”</p><p>“No.” Ukai fiddled with another cigarette and his lighter. “But I expected you and him to be at least on the same level. But you’re right, it doesn’t matter why. The point is, he either has to get on that level until Monday or good enough to fake it.” </p><p>Kageyama wanted to disappear. They were clearly on his side and he wished he could ever express how grateful he was that Hinata didn’t pick this opportunity to tease him but defended him instead. The conversation, however, reminded him of the one he already had in the principal’s office. It happened in front of him, a back and forth between everyone but him, and although it was concerning him, he was banned to watch it from the sideline. </p><p>“You look like you have something to say, Kageyama.” Ukai tapped on the notebook, pulling him from his frustrating thoughts. He nodded and quickly wrote one question that confused him. </p><p>[Why is it so important that Hinata and I are both equally good? When neither the principals nor any teachers can understand it?]</p><p>“Good that you ask.” Ukai suddenly grinned. “That’s one of the most important parts of our master plan as it got them where it hurts.” He stopped speaking, creating a dramatic pause.</p><p>“Their pride?” Hinata asked.</p><p>[Their honour?]</p><p>“Their budget!” His big revelation caused confused frowns. Ukai sighed and began to explain, “Let’s skip the bureaucracy lecture on why a public school like Karasuno doesn’t qualify for extra funds. Yet. The reality is when you stay, Kageyama, they have to hire an interpreter and pay them out of the school’s pocket. They argue it’s unnecessary when there are alternatives for you that aren’t Karasuno, we argue it’s an investment. This is why the whole worth-blah is so important. You are worth the investment.” He pointed his burning cigarette at Kageyama. Hinata nodded. </p><p>[But?]</p><p>“But they hesitate. We know which buttons to push but if it was just about pride, honour, and reputation, they’d be more willing to agree. They don’t want to make an expense that doesn’t pay off. The best we could do was to get them to agree to consider a trial run.”</p><p>“I get trail run, but trial? What does that mean?” Hinata tilted his head but Kageyama was beginning to put the pieces together. If that was true, it’d be equally genius and terrifying. And they might as well handcuff him and Hinata to each other. </p><p>“It means that Kageyama has to prove his worth on the court and in the classroom. That he can pass his exams and be the star athlete we told them he is. It also means that he needs to show them that the loss of his voice won’t hinder him. Not in the gym, not during lessons, not when asked something in the corridor. Without costing them anything until they’re convinced of his skills and determination.” </p><p>Kageyama clenched his teeth and picked up his pen. </p><p>[You told them that during the trial run, Hinata is my interpreter.]</p><p>“WHAT?” Hinata jumped up, knocking over his chair. “Sorry.” He quickly picked the chair from the floor and sat down again. His feet were bouncing under the table.</p><p>“You don’t like that?” Ukai raised his eyebrows while Kageyama froze. That plan meant spending hours over that book and with Hinata. They’d be put in the same class and would have to be in each other’s company most of their free time. That would be the end of him before that trial run was over. But Hinata not liking the idea was worse.</p><p>“No! I mean, yes! It’s genius! I love it!” Hinata clapped his hands. His knees knocked against the table and Kageyama caught hold of Hinata’s open bottle before it fell and spilt what was left. “And don’t worry, Kageyama. I’ll teach you all I know! And if it’s for school, I’m sure my mom will let me stay at your place again next weekend.” </p><p><em> And I wasn’t even sure how to survive another night this weekend. With you in my bed. </em> He forced a grin. </p><p>“You okay with that, Kageyama?”</p><p>
  <em> I have no idea how this can end well. This guy drives me crazy, don’t you see that? I’m screwed either way. I suck at lying. At one point he will figure it out. Even he isn’t that dense. And that’s the end of everything. This plan, our friendship.. </em>
</p><p>[Sure.] What else was he supposed to say?</p><p>“Good. But I didn’t expect anything else. That’s why I talked with your captain yesterday and told him what’s up and left the rest to him. By Monday, the team should be able to understand the signs we picked out. I’d say, you guys better get your asses home and learn. Especially you, Kageyama. Hinata, don’t go soft on him. We all gotta show them that he is worth every effort, himself included.”</p><p>“Uh, show it to him or he needs to show it?” </p><p>“Both. And Kageyama, you haven’t eaten anything. That won’t do.”</p><p>They all looked at the pile of empty wrappers in front of Hinata. He had snacked away during the whole conversation and not one of the half dozen protein bars was left. Kageyama, who was about to put his writing tools away, put them back on the table but he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to tease Hinata about getting fat or to tell him it was okay, he didn’t want one anyway. He hadn’t been the biggest fan of the gooey texture in the past but used to eat them because they were quick sources of condensed nutrition. But those snack sizes were the new variant with extra nuts and cereals, and he didn’t feel like swallowing that. </p><p>[I’ll eat at home. We should leave now. Thank you for everything. I promise I’ll not disappoint you.] He used his phone to text Hinata. [We still need to buy groceries unless you want another meal of just rice and plain miso.]  </p><p>Hinata checked the message on his phone and shuddered.</p><p>“No, thanks. But wait, this IS a store, right?” He looked expectantly at Ukai who scratched his head, puzzled. </p><p>“Yeah? What else did you think this is? Is there something I’m missing?” </p><p>“Kageyama’s fridge is empty and we wanted to buy food on our way back. But we can do that here, right?” </p><p>“Oh, okay. I get it.” Ukai laughed. He grabbed his beer and cigarettes and returned behind the counter. “Tell you what, if you clean up that mess-” he pointed at the empty drinks and wrappers, “I’ll give you an employee’s discount.” </p><p>“Thank you, Coach!” Hinata and Kageyama bowed and hurried to take care of the trash. Hinata found a trash can and shoved the wrappers into it while Kageyama sorted the empty soda bottles and milk cartons into the designated bins. </p><p>“Hey, Kageyama!” Hinata was wiping the table with a cloth Ukai had tossed at him when he gestured him to come over. Kageyama, who had begun to sift through the shelves. The selection of the convenience store was limited but should get them through the weekend. He could go to a supermarket on Monday. Hinata motioned him to come closer and lowered his voice to a whisper.</p><p>“I know I said I’d pay but I forgot my wallet at your place. Is it okay when I give you the money back later?” </p><p><em> Typical. </em>Kageyama smirked. It suited him well, after having no food expenses during his hospital stay he wasn’t short on money and if he paid himself, he could indulge in snacks and drinks he usually wouldn’t buy. He had intended to hold back while Hinata’s offer was still on the table. He opened his pockets and put his hands inside. Phone, keys, two pens, notebook, an old tissue. He felt the blood drain from his face. He pulled everything out of his pockets and patted down his jacket. Hinata snorted. </p><p>“You can shove that smug grin from before right up your ass. You forgot your money, too, right?” </p><p>Kageyama gathered his things and scowled. Great. He’d already looked forward to a shower and getting something hot into his stomach. Now they’d have to make a second trip after returning home. His usual supermarket was closer, that was something, but it was still annoying. </p><p>“Just pay me on Monday, you morons!” Ukai called from the counter. He had already made himself comfortable with his feet up and a comic book in his hands. A second beer stood open next to the ashtray. “And now hurry up and get lost. We all got still a lot of work to do today,” he said and started reading.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Created a <a href="https://twitter.com/BluewhispersP">Haikyuu!-only twitter</a> that has exactly three posts from myself (four when I share the link to the update) and otherwise, just retweets. I suck at initiating interactions but anyone is welcome to do so (unless you're a minor. No hate, just a safety issue.). I'll also use it to announce updates from today on or post if there's a delay in the future.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A cold wind greeted them when they left Ukai’s store. The sky above them was still blue but the sun had disappeared behind a wall of dark clouds. The paper bags they carried made running uncomfortable. Kageyama’s home wasn’t too far away if they fast-walked and kept to the main road instead of the quieter paths they preferred for running. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama took inventory of the contents of the bags and what he had left in storage at home. It was enough for sufficient meals for the next few days but he was still missing a few things. Earlier customers had picked the best vegetables and fresh pork and chicken were still more expensive than from a chain supermarket, even with a discount. The last four eggs he grabbed wouldn’t last for both of them today and tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That meant he had to go back outside after retrieving his money after all. Annoying but it would spare him a trip on Monday. Hinata would probably insist to come with him. If he went Monday he’d be on his own and he wasn’t sure he was ready for that, as much as he hated to admit that. To make things more complicated, the clouds were coming closer and the air tasted like rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hadn’t gotten that far when he felt like someone was watching him. He glanced at the shorter figure walking next to him and indeed, Hinata was looking at him with an expression of unease but quickly turned away. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Weird.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama shrugged it off. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway, anything I need from that corner store that I can’t get from the supermarket? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped. His heart raced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corner store, not much more than a kiosk, was on the other side of the street, right by the cross-section. It was a calm Saturday, with not many people about and the traffic was low. Almost like it was still summer when it had been too hot for most people and only those who really had to left their homes or offices. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voices echoed in the back of his head. Hinata yelled at him and he yelled right back, arguing about nothing, like always. Because yelling and arguing were so much easier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few steps ahead was the spot where Hinata had been attacked and then, nothing was easy anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, give me that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t react when Hinata took the grocery bag from him and put it on the ground, next to the other one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kageyama, let’s go back and take the other way. It’s just a few minutes extra.” He put his hand on Kageyama’s arm but he brushed it off. With slow steps, he walked ahead until he stood where he remembered sinking to the asphalt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at the ground, almost expected to stand on his own dried blood. But either the police or the rain had washed it away. Nothing reminded of what had happened. The street had long forgotten about it and, with time, so would the people who witnessed him almost bleeding to death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingertips touched his throat. Despite the layer of fabric covering it, it was like he could feel the scar. Red and angry and burning. Making sure that he would never forget. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do, Kageyama.” Hinata was standing next to him, sounding like he was close to tears. “I want to help you but I don’t know how?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama shook his head. Hinata was doing more than enough, more than he would ever have expected and even more than he dared to hope for. And to his own surprise, he calmed down. A shadow of the darkness lingered but it was too weak to control him. He was bitter about what had happened but that wasn’t who he was or wanted to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go,” he signed and ruffled through Hinata’s hair when he turned around to get to their bags. It was time they went home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The weather was still dry when they returned. Hinata helped him to put the groceries away, although he didn’t do much more than handing Kageyama each item who put it where it belonged. They hadn’t said anything since they got away from that spot on the sidewalk. Kageyama didn’t attempt to write or sign and Hinata remained silent. Once they were done in the kitchen, Kageyama grabbed his wallet and key. Moving. Doing something, anything, was better than standing still and thinking. And they still needed meat and eggs. Hinata followed him, determined to not be left behind and Kageyama had no intention of doing so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do I have to carry everything, this sucks!” Hinata sneezed when raindrops dripped from his hair on his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because I have the keys and because you insisted to raid the energy drink- and snack aisles but you can figure that out yourself. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kageyama’s fingers were cold and stiff when he unlocked the door. The blue sky had disappeared while they were on the way to the supermarket. The temperature had dropped abruptly and from the mountains, they heard thunder approaching. They rushed through the store and got caught in a downpour half on their way home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ushered a shivering Hinata inside and they hastened upstairs. Kageyama’s legs were heavy like lead and every fibre of his being yearned for a hot shower and dry clothes. He didn’t regret the trip, however. The anxiety that hit him when he walked into the supermarket gave him a problem to deal with which prevented him from brooding. Hinata’s presence and his attempts to sneak a month’s worth of candy and soda into the cart distracted him from worrying. By the time they got everything, Kageyama realised that he barely had to interact with the staff until it was time to pay and even then, nobody complained that he only nodded in lieu of a greeting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody laughed, nobody drilled him with questions, he wasn’t ridiculed and kicked out. He was so relieved that none of his fears came true that he didn’t mind the rain at all. It had been less than an hour since he walked up the stairs to his apartment before but this time, his steps and mood light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” Hinata asked. Kageyama appeared behind him and tried to look past him without getting too close. A large bag with a note stood in front of his apartment door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I?” Hinata pointed at the note and picked it up when Kageyama nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Tobio,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he read aloud. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>After being away for so long, I’m sure your kitchen leaves much to be desired. Daigo and I brought you a few things from our weekly shopping tour, this should help you through the weekend. It’s our welcome home gift for you. Tell your little-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Hinata groaned, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>friend hello from us. Aunt Midori. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There.” He waved the note in front of Kageyama’s face. “That aunty of yours is sweet! But I wish she’d use my name.” He shoved the bag he was caring and the note in Kageyama’s arm and opened the one on the floor. The annoyance over being called little disappeared at once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leek, onions, tomatoes, canned broth, eggs, and other stuff.” He picked up the bag and grinned. “Looks like we got enough food for a party this weekend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Certainly no parties.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Killjoy. What?” Hinata smirked at him. “You nagged at me so much since we met, I know what’s up when you make that face. You thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>No parties</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right? And now you think, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck off!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Hinata laughed when Kageyama pushed past him, opened the door, and went inside. He still laughed when the door was almost shut into his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Hinata wasn’t wrong, Kageyama had to agree when he sorted through their purchases and the unexpected gift. Fortunately, some things could be frozen, others would stay fresh for a while in the fridge. Yamadas had added a generous amount of meat. Together with what he bought, he could prep enough meals for at least a week. If it weren’t for that black hole that had appeared next to him after taking a shower, bouncing on his feet, and drying his wet hair with a towel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m starving! Look at all that, we could make so much with that! What should we make? What do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama quickly put meat and eggs into the fridge and reached for his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Stir fry with chicken, rice, eggs. And you’ll stay out of my way.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see. Still can’t believe you can cook. You don’t look like the type.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Did you think I live from fast food all day or what?] Having rescued the food from Hinata’s greedy eyes, Kageyama really looked at him for the first time since Hinata went to the bathroom. He instantly turned red. Hinata was wearing shorts, at least he hoped so, they were barely visible under the shirt he had given him this morning. A spur of the moment decision he deeply regretted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Put on pants, for fuck’s sake!]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am wearing pants, look!” Hinata lifted his shirt, revealing a pair of plain black boxer shorts and a bit of his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Acutal pants. Long pants. It’s cold outside!] He barely looked up from his phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s warm in here,” Hinata retorted. “Also, I just had a long, hot shower. I’m warm enough and this is more comfortable. Anyway.” He hopped on the counter, his bare legs dangling in the air. “Food! How can I help? Anything I can prepare while you shower?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What on earth had he done to deserve this? What had he done that Hinata was so damn comfortable around him? It would be so easy to stand in front of him, blocking him from moving away with his arms, and-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shower. Right. Good idea.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>[Do what you want but stay away from the knives or anything else that’s sharp, pointy, warm, or hot!] he typed and sent and quickly retreated from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t really leave anything to do for me that has to do with cooking, you dumbass!” Hinata called after him but he didn’t figure out an answer. For all he cared, Hinata could burn down the kitchen as long as he could flee under the shower and stay there for the rest of the day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two eggs?” Hinata sat down with excitement while Kageyama placed a bowl with two raw eggs next to a larger one with steaming rice. He hadn’t been too happy when Kageyama had thrown him out of the kitchen while he cooked. Kageyama didn’t seem to own any gaming systems and Hinata got quickly bored by the TV program and occupied himself with texting back and forth with friends. But the suffering had been worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really generous today,” he said, picking up the plain wooden chopsticks. Kageyama put down the plate with fried vegetables and chicken to quickly reply on paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Ukai said it, whatever makes you grow.] He snapped his fingers, as if he had forgotten something, and turned to the fridge. He returned with a sports drink for himself and put a milk carton in front of Hinata. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Milk? To a dish like that? Really?” Hinata enviously eyed the purple and green bottle Kageyama opened. He sighed and grabbed the pen before he had a drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Good for you.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You drink that stuff all the time and still aren’t a good guy,” Hinata muttered, fiddling with the straw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[But I’m 1,80m and you are not.] He shoved pen and paper away and put his hands together, nodding lightly, before he reached for his chopsticks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jerk, just like I said.” But he quickly followed Kageyama’s example and clapped his hands together. “Thanks for the food. Still surprised you can cook and it actually looks pretty good.” He also didn’t think that he could not cook. In fact, he hadn’t put much thought into anything that Kageyama might or might not be able to do aside from playing volleyball, scowling, and yelling. It felt wrong. Kageyama was his friend. A different kind of friend, not like the others he had made over the years but his friend nonetheless. Maybe not always his favourite friend, not always his best friend, and not always the closest. Well, sometimes, yes. The kind that would break him if he lost him. Was there a word for that? Something better than a regular friend, kinda like a brother, but not quite that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata stirred the eggs with the sticks before he poured them over the rice. His head had developed a strange habit of hurting whenever he tried to think of their friendship and what he would do without it since the attack and more often than not, the pain extended to his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s probably one of those things that happen when your kinda-best-favourite friend almost bleeds to death in front of you and you don’t know if he’ll make it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He glanced over the rim of his bowl while shoving rice into his mouth. Kageyama’s dish was slightly different, broth and noodles instead of rice and while he had served Hinata crispy, fried chicken, the pieces on his plate were plain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata frowned. In no way Kageyama put extra effort into the food for him while keeping it simple for himself. Something was up but he couldn’t put his finger on it and the feeling was too vague to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well, I’m gonna figure it out sooner or later, just you wait! </span>
  </em>
  <span>His gaze stopped at Kageyama’s throat. He had changed into the turtleneck sweater form yesterday that covered most of the bandages around his throat. It was like a cold hand clamped around Hinata’s own throat. Unable to swallow the next bite, he put the bowl down and took a few sips from the milk. He didn’t hate plain milk but he hated how it tasted in combination with the meal. But it was cold and went down without a problem and his throat relaxed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really good.” A bit bland for his taste but he didn’t dare to say that. Also, he wasn’t lying, aside from that, it was good. Nothing was burnt or overcooked and the veggies had a pleasant crunch to them. “When did you learn to cook?” he asked, distracting himself from the dark whirls in his mind with the help of his own voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama quickly shoved a piece of sliced carrot into his mouth and put his chopsticks down to write a reply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Years ago. It’s just the basics, nothing to lose your mind about.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s more than I can do,” Hinata admitted, poking at a particularly nice looking piece of chicken. “You’d get along with my mom. She also always kicks me out of the kitchen and at the same time she laments that I can’t properly fry an egg. Just because of that one time when I-” He stuffed the chicken piece into his mouth and shoved a generous amount of rice right after. There was absolutely no need to tell Kageyama every embarrassing thing that happened in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, that really doesn’t fit.” He pulled a face after he washed everything down with a gulp of milk. He had almost finished his food while Kageyama still had about half left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I got an idea! You can teach me how to cook! What do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Kageyama put the chopsticks down again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[No,] he wrote and resumed eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? You heard the coach. We’re going to hang around each other a lot for who knows how long and I guess I’m coming back here next weekend. It’s only fair when I help you in the kitchen.” The more he talked about it, the better he liked the idea. It sounded like fun. Well, somewhat. Kageyama wasn’t exactly what he’d call a fun, patient teacher but he was used to that. If it got too bad, he could always pelt chopped carrots at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[I said no,] Kageyama replied between two bites. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let me at least watch. I can learn from that, too. You can’t just kick me out of the kitchen every time.” That was to what it boiled down to, if Hinata was honest to himself. He had enough of being pushed away by Kageyama, even if it was just about something trivial like being in the same room while he took care of their meals. Hinata still wanted to be of use and help but he also had a hard time imagining Kageyama preparing veggies and meat and hovering over pots and pans. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to watch him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Whatever. I’ll think about it.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” Satisfied, Hinata reached over the table with his sticks and snatched a piece of chicken from Kageyama’s plate and quickly stuffed it into his mouth. Kageyama’s sticks missed his hand by less than a second. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you get for being so slow.” He tried to grab the bottle, too, but this time, Kageyama was faster and lifted it out of reach and put it on the counter behind him. Hinata contented himself with picking the remaining rice from his bowl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should continue with signing after we’re done eating,” he said, poking the still halve full milk carton. “We don’t have much time until Monday but it should be enough for you to learn what you need to. I’m not looking forward to that meeting. It all sounds mean to me. As if it’s rigged against you. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama shrugged. He’d finally finished his noodle soup and focused on the remaining veggies and chicken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, really. I’d be so pissed off if I were in your place. Okay, I guess they’re pissed off, too, because I stole your letter of resignment. But still. That wasn’t your fault. We’re lucky Ukai and Takeda really want you to stay, too.” At this point, Hinata was rambling. He was in a weird place. He had slept well, the run was nice, he was warm and wearing dry clothes, and had decent food. And Kageyama was back. Much had happened since Oikawa’s message yesterday and after being pushed away for such a long time, being here, in his kitchen and watching him eat was so unreal, he almost reached out to touch his face to make sure he was really there. He was happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But at the same time, there was the guilt. Anticipation of what Monday would bring. Kageyama’s reluctance of learning and using signing worried him and he couldn’t think of a way to make it easier for him. Then the list of stipulations. Kageyama would prove his worth on the court the moment he set foot on it and to be there and witness that moment alone Hinata wished it was already Monday. But the classwork, that was going to be tough. Hinata was just scraping by himself and as much as he wished differently, he wouldn’t be a great help to him when he had to catch up with what he missed while keeping up at the same time. The way it sounded, Kageyama needed to be at least an average student yesterday to impress them and that was bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In conclusion, he was so happy, he wanted to throw up and so worried, he wanted to throw up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If they had only more time. Then, they could laze around, watch videos, and when the rain stopped, he would drag Kagayama outside and beg him to practice receives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something poked his wrist. Hinata blinked a few times and looked into Kageyama’s serious face while he pointed his chopsticks at Hinata. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry, daydreaming,” he mumbled. He hadn’t done anything wrong or thought about anything weird, yet, he blushed under the hard stare from Kageyama’s blue eyes. “You done eating? Took you long enough.” He stood up to gather the empty plates and bowls. Kageyama stood up, too, and put his hand on Hinata’s arm but he shrugged it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not too stupid to do the dishes, okay?” He put them into the sink and turned on the faucet. “Let me help you at least with cleaning up. Also-” He scrunched up his nose. “Your trash stinks.” He tilted his head vaguely into the direction where the trash can stood while he searched for dish soap. “Why don’t you take it out while I take care of this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama gave him a long, unreadable look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Hinata asked, glancing over his shoulder while he cleaned the first bowl. Kageyama’s look changed into a frown and he held up a hand, signalling him to wait a minute. He sat down, flipped to a new page of his notebook, and glared at it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fine. Don’t take care of the trash. But I’m not gonna do that for you.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hinata shrugged and let Kageyama sort out his grumpy self on his own. At least, he could take care of the dishes undisturbed. He worked in silence, listening to the sound of the pen scratching over paper. The plates and bowls didn’t take long, the pot and pans, however, required more of an effort. Kageyama was still writing, only interrupted shortly when Hinata asked him for a rag he could use for wiping the counter and sink clean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satisfied, Hinata regarded his good work. The surfaces were clean and the dishes dried neatly in the dishrag. It might not have been much but he was still proud of his work, especially since he didn’t break anything. Not even one chipped plate. Nobody at home would believe this if he told them but he didn’t let that sour this sense of accomplishment. Today was a good day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or, so far, so good was this day. The biggest challenge still awaited him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found the books and their notes scattered under the table in the living room. Hinata sighed when he knelt down to drag them back into the light. They were in the way in the kitchen while Kageyama was cooking, that made sense, but that he went out of his way to make a half-assed attempt of hiding them instead of just putting them on top of the table was just childish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He returned to the kitchen and joined Kageyama at the kitchen table, dropping the pile between them. Kageyama looked up and pulled a less-than-happy face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got something to read for me?” Hinata smiled and reached out his hand, pretending he didn’t notice the frown. Kageyama nodded and handed him the notebook. His handwriting filled two new pages but it was still less than Hinata expected and a lot of it was scratched out so violently, he couldn’t decipher at all what he had written before he changed his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t much to salvage from that mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[I appreciate help but you don’t have to. I’m used to doing things my way. Please don’t stare at my throat. No need to look at it, it’s always there. It’s hard to eat faster when you ask questions and I have to interrupt and write. It’s hard to answer while I’m doing things and you keep talking. You talk over me. Please don’t.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata’s first instinct was to apologize for staring and for steamrolling him instead of giving him a fair chance to communicate back. But a few words stuck out to him and stopped him from saying anything. Yeah, he got it, he got everything Kageyama wrote and it was unfair and he saw that it was a hassle. That problem could be solved easily if they slowed down and if he waited with saying more or doing anything until he had given Kageyama enough time to grab his pen or phone and write a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for staring. But, you know,” Hinata said slowly and lowered the notebook. “There’s a way that would make it a lot easier for you to reply or interrupt me quickly.” He pointed at the books between them. “Sign.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama turned red. He looked down but Hinata saw the expression of anger and pain on his face. He took a deep breath. Kageyama could be angry at him all he wanted, that wasn’t new, but he had to deal with this, whether he wanted it or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, there’ve been a few things today you could have signed instead of writing them down. What we learned yesterday doesn’t cover a conversation but it’s enough for a mix of writing and signing. I know it’s a lot to ask but you have to deal with it. We don’t have much time left until Monday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened Kageyama’s book and flipped to one of the pages that Ukai had copied yesterday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” He shoved it across the table. “We have to get on with this. You heard the coach, your future at Karasuno and in our team depends on it. Your future might depend on it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama didn’t take the book but Hinata saw the muscles in his face twitch. If he kept pushing, Kageyama would either cry or attack him; neither would get them any further. Hinata felt like he was back on the court, back when he had just joined Karasuno and had to prove to Daichi that he and Kageyama could play together. It was that or Kageyama wouldn’t have been allowed to take the role as the setter. Back then, when it was on him to show that he had improved, that he could receive, when his arms and legs hurt but he kept going. One more, one ball more, just one that he had to safely bring to the net so that Kageyama would toss for him. One more was where everything had once begun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do want to come back, don’t you?” Just one more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama looked up and nodded. Smiling, Hinata shook his head and signed, “No.” Followed by, “Try this: Yes,” making the sign that carried more determination and strength than a headshake. Then, a few more signs, “Toss me one more ball. One.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chewing on his tongue, Hinata watched the struggle on Kageyama’s face. It looked like pain won and when he picked up the book, Hinata feared he’d tear it to pieces. But instead, he flipped through it and stared at the page he had searched when he finally found it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a minute, he shot Hinata such a grim glare that Hinata sunk back in his chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not one more,” Kageyama signed and Hinata deflated, suddenly feeling close to crying himself but then, Kageyama signed again. “Thousand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You asshole!” Hinata signed back, a wide smile across his face and his eyes half-closed to hold back the tears.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Evening! May already, how did that happen? Soon it's half a year since I discovered Haikyuu but it feels like just a month or so ago. Time is weird. </p>
<p>Anyway, new chapter! </p>
<p>If there's a need for more shenanigans, I also wrote and posted <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30952505">a silly oneshot</a> a few days ago. Not set in this AU and just a bit of fun and Hinata and Kageyama being idiots. Check it out if you haven't seen it already, any positive acknowledgement is, as always, more than welcome and guaranteed to make my week 😁</p>
<p>I also started to write a short Kuroo/Tsukishima fic. The plan was one chapter, now it will be two which means it'll probably be four chapters long. I probably upload the first on Tuesday and the rest whenever I got it ready, I haven't decided yet.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The rain stopped during the afternoon. It stayed cloudy and the wind refused to go away. They shuddered when they went outside in their short gym clothes. Kageyama carried his volleyball under his arm, which gave him an excuse to nod at Hinata to follow him to the yard behind the house. His fingers tingled in excitement. He’d finally play again. Not for real, it wasn’t a game or practice with a net. The yard wasn’t big enough to practice tosses and spikes with Hinata, there wouldn’t be more than chasing each other back and forth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But his fingertips would touch the ball again, sent it where he wanted, with the strength and speed he set. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you for real? You got a wall here just to practice by yourself?” Hinata wasn’t any less excited than him but then again, he was always thrilled when he got close to playing. Kageyama grinned when Hinata ran past him to touch the single brick wall that his grandfather had built for him at one end of their yard a couple of years before his death. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama shuddered when Hinata pressed his small hand against that wall. It was like he was witnessing the encounter of two worlds that had him as the only thing in common, at different stages in his life that made it impossible for them to cross paths. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What would you think of Hinata? What would you say if you could see him play? What would you have told me if I could have complained and ranted about him to you when we first joined the volleyball club? What would you have said to me in the hospital, when you learned that I almost gave everything away for him? Would you understand? Or disown me?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can practice spikes with this! Or serves!” Hinata said and added “Give it to me!” in sign language but before Kageyama could react Hinata had already snatched the ball from his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata, no!” he signed but it was too late. Hinata threw the ball high up into the air and served. He was too close to the wall and didn’t adjust his strength at all. The ball smashed against the wall and bounced back in a straight line, soaring over Hinata’s head. Kageyama sped after it and jumped, catching it just before it sailed over the fence and into the neighbour’s garden. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Hinata signed, grinning sheepishly. Kageyama pressed the ball against Hinata’s chest to free his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Flies. High, court small. Control too short. Normal passes.” He felt clumsy, stringing words together like that and they didn’t always fit exactly what he wanted to say but judging from Hinata’s disappointed face, he was actually getting the message across. That felt actually pretty good. And it was less bothersome than writing or typing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You mean the yard is too small and when both of us set up a spike, we can’t control the ball enough and send it flying, yes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Garden,” Hinata said, forming a sign, waiting until Kageyama repeated it. He followed it up with “Enough control, not enough control, more control.” Kageyama scowled. As if he was able to just remember those from watching Hinata demonstrating them once or twice. He saw the potential usefulness during actual practice or even a game but that fact meant Hinata was in the right and that irritated Kageyama even more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, let’s get going. I’m cold.” Hinata’s teeth chattered and he rubbed his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your own fault, idiot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course, that’s something you can say flawlessly, asshole.” But he stood in the spot Kageyama pointed at, with his back to the wall. Kageyama smirked and put as much space between them as he could without standing too close to the fence, hoping that would give him enough room to save Hinata’s mistakes from assaulting the neighbour’s flowerbed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bounced the ball a few times on the ground. It was Hinata’s fault that they were here, as in, it had been his idea. It had still been raining when Hinata suddenly pushed back his chair and jumped a few times on the spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why can’t I sit still anymore?” he had complained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You can never sit still,] Kageyama had written in return. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but lately, I could. Still hard to concentrate on stuff but at least I didn’t find myself at the other end of the room or in the kitchen or garden all of a sudden. Thought I finally figured it out but it’s gone now!” He paced through the kitchen, squatting every few steps while Kageyama, bewildered and amused, watched him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, better. Hey, why don’t we go outside and practice a bit once the rain stops? You’re really trying and deserve a break.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama bounced the ball again before holding it firmly between his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, I deserve that break and that was all you had in mind, completely unselfishly.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He smirked at the eager figure that struggled to stand still in one spot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You aren’t a kitten or a baby crow, you’re a squirrel born with a caffeine high.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You ready?” Hinata called, waving his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ready,” he signed back. Holding the ball didn’t leave him with much of an alternative but even without it, he didn’t have much of a choice other than signing. It had also been Hinata’s idea to leave his pen, notebook, and phone inside. Which reminded him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hinata. Right foot.” He pointed at Hinata’s sock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right.” Hinata pulled his phone out of his sock and put it on one unused garden chair standing close to the house. He brought it in case of an emergency if there was anything urgent Kageyama had to say but that was too much for his toddler-level of signing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, ready!” Hinata jumped back into his spot and lowered his hips. “Give me your best shot!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Right.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama snorted. His legs were still heavy from their little run which meant, it would get a lot worse before it got better. If his break had affected his leg muscles that much, he was almost scared of what it had done to his arms and shoulders. And his technique. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yet, holding the ball between his hands felt just right. It wasn’t like he remembered it from before or a familiar feeling. Just the right feeling, as if he hadn’t done anything else over the last weeks. His fingers twitched as if they waited impatiently while he still hesitated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My best shot…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even if he could guarantee that, he hadn’t gone all out with a serve or spike in his yard for over a year. There wasn’t enough space and a small miscalculation of the angle or speed could end in broken windows and a lot of trouble for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raised his head. The sky was dull and grey and threatened to unleash another downpour any moment. They might have five minutes left before they had to go back inside, maybe an hour. He held up the ball. On his best days, he couldn’t throw or hit it hard enough to touch the heavy clouds. But just the thought, that he could try, that there was no restriction that stopped him, made him feel dizzy. There wasn’t a ceiling like in his room or the roof of the gym. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were no hospital walls that confined him and no tubes and IV lines that restrained his body to a bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He threw the ball as high as he could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My best shot. I don’t know what that is anymore.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a few steps back and jogged back until he was under the ball. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And I don’t care! </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He crouched down, winding up every muscle in his body. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Every shot is good enough as long as I can touch the ball!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He released the tension into a high jump. His feet left the ground and right when he reached his highest point, for the fraction of a second, he felt like he was flying. Free and unrestrained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lifted his arm behind his head, twisted his body, and let it swing back. His hand hit the ball before he had seen it on its way down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If it had meant to be a spike it would have landed in the net, if he had attempted this to be a serve, it would barely have passed the middle line. But it was strong and true and aimed straightly for where Hinata was standing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, standing?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He failed to shout at Hinata to pay attention and before he was back on the ground, the ball hit Hinata square in the chest. Hinata croaked when the air was knocked out of his lungs. The force wasn’t overwhelmingly strong but it still pushed him off his feet and his back smashed against the wall behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hinata, you idiot!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama dashed over to him but Hinata was already pushing himself back to his feet. He was shaky on his legs but he could stand without help. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?!” Kageyama signed. “Receive! Not sleep!” That daydreaming dumbass! He swore as soon as they were back inside, he’d have to look up how to call him that and it better had the same impact as shouting it into his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata didn’t say anything. He went after the ball and fished it out of one of Mrs. Yamada’s lavender bushes. Kageyama still tried to figure out how to express the tirade of curses and insults but his mind turned blank when he caught the serene smile on Hinata’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was beautiful,” Hinata whispered hoarsely, his voice shaky and his eyes dangerously close to tears. He put the ball into Kageyama’s hands. “Do it again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t just go back and do the same as if nothing happened. The more so as he failed to understand what was going on with Hinata. He shoved the ball under his arm to have his hands free.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Hinata signed back. “Do it again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, how do I ask if he’s sure? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata touched his arm, bringing Kageyama’s attention back to his hands. He performed a series of signs Kageyama didn’t understand, except the last ones.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do it again. Please.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you sure you’re okay? What was that anyway? Why did you stand up and didn’t do anything? Focus, you idiot, before you really get hurt! I’ll do it again but only if you pay attention this time! </span>
  </em>
  <span>But as he couldn’t say any of this and the few signs he could make didn’t help at all, he just nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He got back to his position, eying Hinata suspiciously who got ready to receive the ball. But as he had done that before, too, it didn’t say much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do it!” Hinata shouted and laughed at the same time while the first raindrops fell on his face. Kageyama nodded. He threw the ball, ran up to it, and jumped. Instead of indulging in the feeling of flying, he set his sight on a spot on the wall behind Hinata, and sent the ball flying several inches past Hinata’s shoulder. It bounced off the wall and Kageyama was back on the ground just in time to catch it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was unfair!” Hinata’s face was red and the smile was gone. There was, however, still this enraptured gleam in his eyes. “You didn’t even try to bring it to me! Do it again and aim so I can get it this time!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry for trying to not cut your daydreams short by breaking your face. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He held back a smile. The feel of the ball, how it went high up into the air, the sound when his hand hit it just right. Hinata, impatient and eager as always, demanding the next ball contact. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This wasn’t the court, the conditions weren’t even close. It was cold and rainy, they didn’t have a net and he wasn’t tossing and Hinata wasn’t spiking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yet…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He threw the ball higher than before. This time Hinata was ready and this time, Kageyama hit with as much precision as his strength allowed, aiming for Hinata’s outstretched arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything was right with the world again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>[2x the lavender, 6x the rose bushes, 1x neighbour’s garden, the wall of my house: lost count. Didn’t you say you got better?] Kageyama was getting closer to begrudgingly admit that signing wasn’t the worst thing in his altered life and actually pretty useful. However, just hitting sent on his phone while he made himself comfortable in his corner on the couch was like taking a warm shower and stretching out on his bed after running a marathon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very funny.” Hinata came back from his room where he had changed into warm, dry clothes, his phone in his hand. He threw himself on the couch. “Just so you know, I got better! The ball was slippery from the rain and it was windy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[It didn’t bother me.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you have no idea how infuriating that is. But I forgive you.” Hinata was all smiles again. “I’m happy I saw you play again. I missed that. And I can’t wait for you to toss to me on Monday.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah. Me, too.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama hadn’t felt this good in a long time. The wind and his excitement over playing again had left a flush on his face and everything felt warm and fuzzy. They had been outside for just over half an hour when the rain had become too heavy and turned the ground into a slipping hazard. Now that they were back inside, warm and dry, he still felt the echo of his jumps in his body. His palm and fingers tingled from hitting the ball over and over again. It was good and he wanted more. If it only were Monday already. He didn’t want to think about the meeting early in the morning and he was still hazy on the details of how he was supposed to direct a play with a whole team but he’d deal with that when it happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right now, all he needed was a court, a net, and Hinata to use his tosses to score. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leaned back and closed his eyes, recalling the last time they had praciced together on that cursed day. It had been a good day, his tosses were on point, Hinata wasn’t only quick on his feet as usual but he hit the ball with purpose. He was improving so quickly, it was eerie. Aside from his serves and receives. Kageyama wouldn’t have been so furious about it if that was all he could expect of him. But if Hinata used only a small fraction of his potential and passion to work on his weaknesses…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could be the best player on the court.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could scare the crap out of their opponents. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They wouldn’t constantly argue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He also wouldn’t need him to shine anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And maybe he, Kageyama, could still speak, if- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You! Stop that!” Hinata kicked his upper leg, hard. He hissed at the pain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop what?!” he signed, trying to ignore his aching leg. The running and jumping definitely had taken a toll on him and now it was time to pay the price. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your thoughts were going somewhere dark again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bullshit, I saw it in your face.” Hinata pointed at his own. “You went pale and got that pained expression. Dunno what’s going on in your head but don’t go there. Or at least tell me what’s up so I can tell you that it’s all nonsense.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he signed again. “I’m okay. Stop!” He pushed away Hinata’s foot that was still kicking him and moved his leg out of his reach. Hinata wasn’t having it. He slid down far enough to change the angle to kick against Kageyama’s calf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uuuh…” He bent over his legs in pain and put his foot firmly on the floor but it was too late to stop the muscle from tensing up violently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit, that really hurt? I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuuuuck!</span>
  </em>
  <span> That was the worst cramp he had in years and it just wouldn’t loosen up. The fastest way to counter it was to stand up, put some weight on the muscle and then carefully stretch it but his legs refused to move.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A cramp?” Hinata asked, finally catching on that it wasn’t just normal pain from being kicked a little too hard. “Looks like a bad one.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama nodded. He tried to shift his leg but that only seemed to make it worse. Hinata moving closer to him was not helping either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t stand up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can help. Gimme your leg!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck? What are you talking about? No way!</span>
  </em>
  <span> He shook his head again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Leave me alone and let me die.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be stupid. I got leg cramps every night for over a week until I got used to biking to school and back. I know what I'm doing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama tried to stop him but Hinata slapped his hands away. He reached for his leg and grabbed it by the ankle with one hand and shoved his other hand under the knee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Grit your teeth, that’s gonna hurt real bad for a sec but it’s worth it.” Leaving him no time to react after the warning, Hinata abruptly pulled his leg up and on his lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pain shot up his leg and through his whole body. It was too bad to pull away from Hinata. All he managed to do was to roll on his back before he fell off the couch. He groaned in anguish when Hinata shoved up the leg of his sweatpants. Kageyama slapped his hand over his mouth. He still wasn’t used to the noises he was able to make and he hated how they sounded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, that muscle’s hard as stone. That must hurt like hell.” Hinata’s fingers glided over the tensed calf. The ankle was resting on Hinata’s right leg, the knee on the other. “Guess you did too much today. And you didn’t stretch properly all day! It kinda does serve you right. You should know better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shut up, shut up, shut up!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama covered his face with both hands, clenching his teeth. Hinata found the beginning of the muscle under the back of the knee and carefully pressed his fingertips against it. His hand was soft and warm and Kageyama was, in fact, grateful for the pain. Hinata pulled his finger all along the hardened muscle, applying gentle pressure all the way down and up again. He’d been right, he knew what he was doing, Kageyama remembered the lessons in care and first aid from his grandfather and what to do in a situation like that, when stretching didn’t help. But it was so much harder to do it on his own because as effective as it was, the first moments put him through a hell of searing pain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata changed from long, slow strokes to tight, but as gentle circles when the muscle finally loosened a bit. It was working and while it was still bad, it was getting better, but that made the situation worse in so many other ways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Biting down hard on his tongue to remain quiet, he tapped Hinata’s arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop. Please. Enough,” he signed, fearing that if Hinata looked at his face, he would know what was up with him. Even Hinata couldn’t be that oblivious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” Hinata barely paid attention to him and turned his focus back on Kageyama’s leg. “I know how painful this is. And you should finally learn that you don’t have to suffer through everything alone. I can’t do much for you so let me do what little I can to help you. We’re a team, after all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Moron. Why does that one guy I like have to be such an utterly stupid, naive moron?</span>
  </em>
  <span> But fine, if Hinata was able to rationalise his odd behaviour so easily, he’d take it. It meant he was safe for a little longer, and so was their friendship. He crossed his arms and turned on his side to face the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What little you can do to help. Idiot. I don’t know what I’d be doing if you hadn’t shown up yesterday despite all my efforts to keep you away. Probably sit in a corner, too numb to cry and too petrified to do anything about it. Was it really just yesterday?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Warmth spread through his leg. It still hurt but the edge of the pain had gone numb and the ongoing pressure from Hinata’s hands slowly became more relaxing than uncomfortable. Kageyama had to stop him before the pain was fully gone and the touches turned from helpful into pleasant. He closed his eyes and waited for that moment while his mind wandered through the memories of the last 24 hours. He didn’t notice when he began to doze off and the memories blurred into dreams. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rain prattled against the window when he woke up and yawned. That hadn’t been a quick nap. It took his mind too long to come back from confusing dreams that were already fading into nothing and despite his neck being stiff from lying bent at the same uncomfortable angle, he felt rested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh, how long have I been out cold? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He turned on his back, rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times. It was dark in the living room. There were only two small light sources. One came from the kitchen, a faint bluish light from the digital clock on the microwave. The other was almost in arm’s reach. It was Hinata’s phone and like the night before, the light from the screen gave Hinata’s small face and red hair this odd, otherworldly glow. Whatever he was doing on his phone seemed to be fun, judging from his happy grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Pretty...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you’re awake!” Hinata turned to him, still grinning. “Slept well?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kageyama nodded and signed, “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, it’s fine. You’ve been up early and busy all day, no wonder you were sleepy.” He switched to the conversation with Kageyama on his phone and gave it to him when Kageyama gestured for it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[You didn’t have to sit here in the dark. You could have turned on the light or the TV.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you seemed comfortable so I didn’t want to wake you up.” He tightened his grip around Kageyama’s legs whose face turned red. He hadn’t realized that both legs were resting on Hinata’s lap, stopped by Hinata’s hand from sliding back to the floor. Kageyama was grateful for the darkness as there was no way that he had the expression on his face under control. Furthermore, Hinata got distracted when his phone vibrated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had finally time to text with some friends, too, so I wasn’t bored.” Hinata laughed a little. “Kenma had actually messaged me a second time within in a day after I didn’t reply to him yesterday. That’s a first. He wanted to know if everything’s okay with you and says hi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kenma, eh?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He stopped himself from pulling a face and vaguely waved, hoping that was enough to express, “Say Hi back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want his number?” Hinata asked while typing. “You two setters are so different from each other, you probably would have a ton of setter stuff to talk about. I actually am surprised you haven’t exchanged numbers by now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. Thanks. I’m good.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Suit yourself, weirdo.” Hinata shrugged. “Would do you some good to make a few friends, though. Also, Kenma’s pretty good at quietly communicating with the team. That could be helpful. Let me know when you change your mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Not gonna happen. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kenma was an interesting type of setter and Kageyama would lie if he claimed he wasn’t interested at all in that aspect of him. But he couldn’t help it. While he appreciated that Kenma was one of the quieter, less boastful and annoying key players of Karasuno’s opposing teams, he just couldn’t bring himself to like that guy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lied down again, arms crossed under his head, and let Hinata type. His legs were still on Hinata’s lap. He should probably remove them but one of Hinata’s hands was still on them and pulling away seemed rude. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, as if that was my only reason. Not wanting to be rude. Sure. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt the warmth of Hinata’s hand through his pants, which meant at some point, Hinata had pulled them back in place to cover his leg again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That he can do that so casually without being awkward about it...thank god I was asleep or I’d have died.</span>
  </em>
  <span> However, his leg didn’t hurt anymore, that was something. After the initial intensity of the sudden cramp, he’d expected to feel the echo of the pain for a day or two. Also, he wondered what was so important that Hinata still texted back and forth with Kenma. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Grunting, he sat up and tapped Hinata’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? Huh, what pissed you off now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Screw my damn face.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He grimaced to get rid of the scowl and pointed at Hinata’s phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One second, just saying bye.” Hinata quickly typed, closed the conversation, and handed Kageyama his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[Thank you. For helping with my leg. You really did a good job with that.] He looked up at Hinata who glanced at the screen with a smile. Quickly, he added, [When your volleyball career inevitably fails, you can always stay in the field as a massage therapist.] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So funny, Kageyama.” Hinata boxed his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>[If I join Japan’s national team I might hire you.]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you won’t. Gimme that back!” Hinata snatched the phone from him. “And it’s when you join them, not if. Also, I’ll join them before you, putting you in second place for good!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Idiot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re the idiot,” Hinata signed back and boxed him again but Kageyama caught his hand. At the same time, he tried to steal the phone back but Hinata held it up and behind his head, making it impossible for Kageyama to reach it from his angle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Having reached an impasse they could only turn around if either of them gave up his position, they grinned at each other. That right now, that back and forth, short as it was, had felt just right and as natural as it used to be. The mixed methods of communication with both of them resorting to signing at the end hadn’t disrupted the flow at all, nothing about it was awkward. It was like one of many small puzzle pieces to the picture of their future clicked into place and the second it happened they knew it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>This can work. It really can, right?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s gonna work just fine,” Hinata said. “You’ll get there. The world, remember? I’m gonna get there and when I can do that despite my size and bad serves and receives, you can do it, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>God, shut up or I’m gonna cry again. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hinata’s face changed. The grin disappeared and instead, he smiled. His eyes had the same serene glow as they had when they were outside, after the first ball Kageyama hit had knocked Hinata off his feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t look at me like that, idiot.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Something about that expression aimed right for his chest, like a long, burning hot needle that pierced through his heart. Fearing for what his own face might give away, his instinct took over. Still holding Hinata’s fist in his hand, Kageyama’s fingers slipped between Hinata’s. The fight for the phone long forgotten, he put his arm around Hinata’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was short and stiff and a little uncomfortable with his legs stretched out over Hinata’s lap. His brain quickly took over before he pushed further into a territory that he’d regret entering for the rest of his life and so he let go of Hinata after only a few seconds. Short enough to explain it away as a friendly gesture of a grateful friend, long enough to catch the scent of Hinata’s hair and warm skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Kageyama signed and finally removed his legs to stand up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No need to thank me, idiot! I owe you but most importantly, you’re my friend!” Hinata looked a little flustered but there was nothing suspicious about his grin or in his voice. Kageyama chuckled. Of course there wasn’t. Hinata was the embodiment of friendship and would never see anything else between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Great, now I’m making myself sad again. Just gotta learn to be happy with what I have. Which isn’t so bad. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He stretched while he walked over to the light switch. Then he looked at Hinata and nodded towards the kitchen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want food?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dinner?” Hinata said and signed at the same time, grinning when Kageyama repeated it. “Always! But this time, I help cooking!”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The bad news first - I might pause this fic for a week or two. I've been struggling with motivation issues lately and have exhausted my chapter reserves. Ch. 18 is almost finished but I'd like to be ~two chapters ahead of the uploaded ones. Maybe this is not even that bad, in case some of those of you who bookmarked the fic haven't caught up yet (which I know can easily happen, sorry for having a bad habit of long chapters &gt;_&lt;). </p><p>A big thank youuuu to all of you who keep reading, who keep commenting, who left kudos! Never forget how much your fanfic writers need you ♥</p><p>I also started to write a Kuroo/Tsukki fic, as a way to get back into the groove, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/31095401/chapters/76827473">"Intoxicating Paradox."</a> It'll be just ~5 chapters long and I upload ch. 2 later today. If it sounds like something you might enjoy, give it a read and if you like it, let me know 😁</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>[Your finger better heals until Monday, you idiot.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be dramatic, it’s just a small cut, it happens.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[It wouldn’t if you stopped clowning around as I told you!]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up already or gimme my phone back!” Hinata reached for his phone to pretend to rip it from Kageyama’s hands. Kageyama pulled away and glared at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they finished dinner and cleaning up, they went over what Kageyama had learned so far and added a few more signs. They were done with the list their coach suggested and had put together one of their own, trying to anticipate what expressions and phrases might help them on Monday. Hinata still sensed unwillingness from Kageyama but they were actually making good progress. Learning sucked, that was something they both agreed on, but if it would help them to stay on the same team, they put up with it. If his skills could benefit from something, Kageyama was a surprisingly quick learner and it seemed like he was getting close to that point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it had been another long day that wasn’t only physically but also mentally taxing and both still felt worn down from yesterday. Kageyama had fallen asleep at the table twice while watching signing videos on his phone. Hinata’s eyelids were heavy, too, and his eyes hurt from staring at his phone while Kageyama had napped on the couch. When Hinata caught him nodding off a third time, he’d kicked him under the table and suggested to just call it a day. He’d also hoped that going to bed would help improve Kageyama’s mood; the more tired he got, the crankier he was and him nagging on and on about that stupid small cut that he had almost forgotten about was getting on Hinata’s nerves. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It wasn’t even that deep, one bandaid and it stopped bleeding. Drama-yama. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hinata pretended to read on his phone when Kageyama came back from showering only in underwear and a t-shirt. Hinata slyly took a picture when Kageyama climbed into his bed. Sound and flash deactivated. Kageyama didn’t notice it and Hinata fully intended to use it to blackmail him later if he didn’t shut up about that damn cut already. He closed the camera app just in time when Kageyama took the phone from him and started bitching again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, keep it then. Anything you want to watch on yours?” He moved aside to let Kageyama have the spot closest to the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[I want you to be careful around knives, is that really too much to ask? Especially in my kitchen?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can be such an annoying pes-” Hinata stopped. Pest, he wanted to say. He had called him that many times before and worse than that. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is there a reality where you aren't an annoying pest?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He had said it exactly like that, the last time he called him an annoying pest. He remembered every word with painful clarity, it was like the knife that had marked Kageyama’s throat forever had also carved every ugly thing Hinata had called him deep into his memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The knife...wait a second!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>[What? Something wrong with my nose?] Kageyama scowled when he caught Hinata staring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It really wasn’t a bad cut. Hinata had helped in the kitchen, chopping vegetables, and, distracted by his own chatter, the knife he used slipped off the carrot and he didn’t pull his hand back quick enough. He’d shrieked, more from the shock of seeing his finger bleeding than from actual pain. But he had recovered quickly and was about to laugh at his own clumsiness when Kageyama freaked out. He looked like he wanted to scream and pulled Hinata away from the cutting board. He grabbed Hinata’s hand and made a mess of the blood, making it look much worse than it was. It took Hinata a few minutes to calm him down and convince him to just let him wash his hand. As expected, once he rinsed off the blood, it revealed a superficial cut that was barely bleeding anymore. Kageyama picked up the knife and quickly threw it into the drawer without even bothering to clean it. They only used the vegetables Hinata had chopped so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m such an idiot, that I didn’t make sense of it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be more careful next time, promised,” he said aloud. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry, I should have known what was really going on. Especially since I freaked out for a good week when I just saw a knife and refused to touch one for half a month. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>[Yeah, it’s okay. Takeda uploaded our last matches, right? I want to watch ours against Shiratorizawa. I want to look at Ushijima’s pissed off face.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Hinata flopped on his belly next to Kageyama who already searched the playlist with their recorded matches. “Sounds like fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was fun. They paused the video a few times, especially after Hinata’s spikes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Ushijima stays composed but you can see on his face how irritated he is.] </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata chuckled at Kageyama’s triumphant grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We showed him what us concrete kids can really do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[But your receives still sucked ass.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck off already. I’m working on it and also, it was enough to beat Ushijima, I mean, Shiratorizawa.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[This time. He is an excellent player and incredibly strong. Our win didn’t change that. He’s also far ahead of us and won’t stop playing any time soon. You’ll encounter him again.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re right.” Hinata stopped the video during one of Kageyama’s serves, right when he jumped. He’d been so happy to see him jump and aim for the ball today, he wanted to cry even as he just thought about it. One day, he’d have to find that piece of shit that had almost taken all that away from him. He didn’t care that he’d play against Ushijima again in the future but when it happened, he needed Kageyama by his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s going to be a professional player, isn’t he?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>If I don’t hurry up, he and Kageyama will play for Japan while I still practice receives in corridors and backyards during lunch.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>[I suppose, why?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you look forward to tossing to him? He’s fast, strong, and knows what he’s doing. And when you both keep going, you’ll sooner or later play on the same team. That’s a setter’s dream come true, isn't it?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And it fucking pisses me off after his arrogant attitude towards us but I can’t say that because I’m such a good, supportive friend. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He tightly wrapped his arms around his pillow and pressed his face against it to hide his frown. His feet were kicking the mattress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama shoved the phone in front of his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[I haven’t really thought about that, to be honest. And even if I keep playing, I can be lucky if I make it to the 2nd division somehow. I should ask you if you look forward to blocking side by side with him.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that bullshit, 2nd division!” Hinata’s temper flared up. He sat straight, grabbed the pillow and slammed it over Kageyama’s head. Kageyama dropped Hinata’s phone, protecting his face, and took hold of the pillow when Hinata went for a second blow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have seen yourself earlier! Even after a two-month hospital stay you’re still strong and your stupid form is as stunning as ever.” They were caught in a tug-o-war with the pillow. Kageyama loosened his grip for a second, his eyes searching for the phone and Hinata could have won but then he saw prolonging the fight as his chance to talk without being interrupted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll go back to practice and be back to your old form before the first snow. And then you’ll get better and better and nobody will give a fuck about you being mute because you’re just so damn good. And I’ll be right behind you until I get better than you because no way Ushijima, Bokuto, Kuroo and who knows who else is going to have all the fun with your tosses!” Hinata’s voice got louder until he was yelling. At some point, he had managed to tear the pillow from Kageyama after all who couldn’t cover his face and fight back at the same time under Hinata’s fierce attacks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was about to hit him again when a noise interrupted them. Kageyama leapt at his vibrating phone and flinched as he looked at the display. He held up the screen and looked at Hinata with a pleading expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata took the phone and read the notification.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A call from Yamadas.” He looked at Kageyama. “Should I answer that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama had found Hinata’s phone and typed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Please. Before they come upstairs.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Hinata took the call, grinning to himself. So Kageyama wasn’t 100% guardian-free after all. Good to know because while it was fun to be without any form of parental supervision he also was a little jealous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Hinata speaking?” The glee quickly disappeared when Mr. Yamada yelled into his ear to stop the ruckus or he’d come upstairs and put a stop to it himself. Kageyama waved at him and pointed at his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Just let him get his rant out and apologize for both of us, that will do.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he whispered and turned his attention back to the angry downstairs neighbour. “Yes, I understand. Yes. It was my fault. No, really.” He fell silent and just nodded along. “I’m really sorry, Mr. Yamada. As I said, it was my fault and we’ll be quiet now. I also apologize in Kageyama’s name. Good night, Mr. Yamada.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a long sigh when the call finally ended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to you, too. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I swear, I’m gonna hear that voice all night.” He rubbed his ears, still hearing the curses ringing in his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Thank you.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” His frustration went away. It might have been because of his yelling or because of being chewed out on the phone but a big part of it was the odd face Kageyama was making when he thanked him. Hinata had seen it for the first time yesterday and a few more times today. He found it difficult to describe, it was so unlike the usual angry grimaces or gleeful, triumphant grins. It wasn’t sadness or confusion or any other emotion he had seen in Kageyama’s expression before. He failed to read it at all, the only word that came to mind to describe it was mellow. It made him a little uneasy but as his instinct told him it was a good thing, it also calmed him down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to watch the rest of the video?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“NO! No no no no no!” This couldn’t be true. Everything happened so fast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“KAGEYAMA!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata tried to reach out but his arms were frozen like the rest of his body. But nobody but him was here, he was the only one who could do something. Yet, he failed to even look at him. He fought against the invisible forces that held him back but every time he tore free from that grip, something called for him. A bird, a car horn far down the street, voices that whispered his name but when he turned his head against his will, there was nothing. No bird, no car, no faces. Not even the street. It suddenly stopped and when he tried to grasp what came behind, something grabbed his mind and pulled him back to that moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew the voices. Tsukishima. Yamaguchi. So loud. And Asahi and Sugawara. He and Kageyama had walked with them until they started arguing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SOMEBODY HELP!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"YAMAGUCHI! HELP! Oh shit, YAMAGUCHI! CALL THE POLICE!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama stood in his place. Hinata hadn’t seen him make a face like this before. Fear? Was it fear?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything happened so fast. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“SHOUYOU! NO!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata lowered his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blood, so much blood. Their eyes met and he couldn’t do anything. The blood didn’t stop coming. A red stream gushed from the open cut across the pale throat. Blood came out of his mouth. His shirt was soaked with blood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DON’T DIE!” Hinata struggled and kicked against the invisible grip that pulled him away. “DON’T DIE! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hand touched his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It shook him gently. Another hand wiped the tears off his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“KAGEYAMA!” he screamed and the blood disappeared. The street, the houses, the birds, cars, and voices. They faded from his vision. A room took shape around him. He tried to open his eyes but they were already open. Hinata blinked a few times and when he turned his head, he looked into Kageyama’s worried face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last-” He hiccuped a few times as his sobs kept interrupting him. “The last thing you said was my name,” he finally brought out, his body shaking. “How am I supposed to live with that?” His voice broke off and he couldn’t stop crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hug was tender and real. He pressed his face against Kageyama’s chest, feeling the warmth of his body and underneath, his heartbeat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama was alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the memory would never leave him and if he somehow managed to forget it during the day, it would come to visit him at night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Hinata sniffled and took the water bottle Kageyama offered him. His eyes burnt and were as dry as his throat. His voice cracked when he attempted to speak. He took a few sips, closed the bottle and put it aside, huddling tighter into the blanket around his shoulder. Kageyama sat down next to him, holding one of their phones. Hinata didn’t care anymore who's it was. Kageyama waited until Hinata had finished drinking before he showed him the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Do you dream like this every night?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that mean I did it last night, too?” Hinata sighed. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Don’t be sorry and yes, you did but I didn’t manage to wake you up.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I figured.” Hinata wrapped his hands around his feet, hunching over as much as he could to turn into the ball of weary misery he felt like. “It’s odd, if somebody wakes me up I remember everything. It feels horrible. If nobody wakes me up, I remember nothing. Good for me but I also scream the house down.” He gave a short, bitter laugh. “I wonder if that has something to do with why my mom agreed to let me stay over the whole weekend just like that. Finally, they get a few peaceful nights.” He hugged his legs and put his head on his knees. “I meant it when I said I haven’t slept this good since forever this morning. I kinda hoped to sleep elsewhere would stop the nightmares. Or at least give me a break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[They wake you up every night knowing that you remember? That’s harsh.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There isn’t really any other way.” Hinata’s smile was tired. “Dad has to go to work early and mom gets up with him. And then there’s Natsu. My nightmares terrify her and she starts to cry, too.” His vision got misty again. He adored his little sister and she worshipped the ground her big brother walked on. He could deal with hurting by himself in a corner but it broke his heart that his pain hurt Natsu every night since the nightmares started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[I’m sorry.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are the last one who has to apologise. For once.” He chuckled when Kageyama pretended to hit him with the phone. The banter between them was familiar and comforting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[What do you want? While you are here? Do I wake you up or leave you alone?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata looked at the message for a while, then he looked at Kageyama’s face, trying to find the right answer. But his expression was unreadable in the dim light. Aside from worry. There had been times when Hinata would have jumped five meters high if Kageyama treated him with a little friendliness, he wouldn’t even have dared to think of Kageyama worrying about him. Now that he did, Hinata hated it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wake me up. It should be good for tonight and we have to be up early on Monday. It’s pointless to ruin your sleep over this more than necessary. Ow!” he cried out in protest when Kageyama grabbed his hair and pulled it. “What was that for?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Listen to what people say, idiot. I didn’t ask you about my sleep. I asked what you want.]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Listen!” Kageyama signed. Hinata could have talked over it but there was that tingle of happiness in his stomach that he felt whenever Kageyama used signing without being pestered into doing so, even if he had to type the rest out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[It’s not nice to hear you cry and scream. But I had shitty nights in the hospital and got through it. I can handle it. Yamadas’ bedroom is at the other end of the house and they didn’t complain about it last night so that’s okay, too. What do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> want?]</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want them to stop. I never want to see you like that ever again, not even in a dream. Can you make that happen?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. Can I answer that tomorrow?” he said aloud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Sleep?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To be honest, I’m kinda exhausted but not the bed-kind of tired, if that makes sense.” His eyes hurt from crying and he wished he could just lie down and sleep for three days, like he always felt after having his nightmares interrupted. But the fragments of the dream were still too fresh and would circle in his mind unhindered if he tried to go to sleep now. Kageyama didn’t look refreshed either. He was pale and in the dim light of the reading lamp behind them, his face looked thinner than it used to. The dark circles under his eyes made him look almost sickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I dragged you into this as if you don’t have enough on your mind already. You go back to sleep. If I can borrow your phone I’d watch a movie in the living room until I pass out.” If Hinata had a choice, he’d stay exactly where he was for the rest of the night  - under the warm blanket and his tired but very much alive friend in sight but that would be unfair and selfish. As he had said, Kageyama had his own problems to deal with and it was enough that Hinata had become a burden to his family. Loving as they were, wanting to help them as well as they could, disrupted sleep night after night was taking a toll on them, too. He didn’t want to do the same to Kageyama. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Sleep,” Kageyama signed and pointed at himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean, I can’t sleep?” Hinata put the fragments together and made the right signs. Kageyama nodded and went back to typing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Same. Tired but not sleep-tired. My phone needs to be charged soon. TV in the living room? What do you want to do?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aside from coming up with a plan to afford a better phone for myself?” Hinata huffed. That Kageyama won by having a more advanced phone than him had annoyed him for a while but now it was also inconvenient. He didn’t want to leave this bed unless he really had to. Or to play volleyball. Yes, that would be the perfect way to power himself out enough to fall asleep with happy feelings. He stared at the ball on the floor. A shame it was in the middle of the night. But what if…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata shook off the blanket and climbed out of the bed. A wide, excited grin appeared on his face when his fingers touched the ball and he picked it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kageyama.” He turned around, let the ball bounce on his outstretched arms, and passed it to Kageyama. His long fingers instinctively received it and tossed it back to Hinata in a short but high curve, making it easy for him to catch it. Grinning, Hinata shoved the ball under his arm. “Ever heard of Midnight Volleyball?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kageyama’s heart was pounding in his throat as they tiptoed down the stairs, holding their shoes in their hands. Hinata didn’t need to say anything else to convince him. He had often thought playing at the nearby park in the middle of the night would be perfect. Far away enough from the nearest house and no one out to get in his way. He’d never done it because a regular sleep schedule was important and he didn’t want more lectures from old man Yamada. But nothing had been regular about his life recently and tonight’s sleep was messed up as it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shivered when his feet touched the cold ground. The temperature had gone down drastically during the night and his sweatpants and sports jacket offered only a little protection against the wind. He gestured to Hinata to follow his steps to avoid switching on the lamp above the door. As soon as they reached the street, they slipped into their socks and shoes. Hinata, in his running shorts and school jersey, skipped happily by his side, as if the bent, sad figure from before never existed. He gave him a push and made a gesture that Hinata, fortunately, understood as a command to calm down. They hadn’t woken up the old couple but he didn’t need the attention of the neighbours either. If anybody saw them prancing around and mistook them for juvenile delinquents he could get in serious trouble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The neighbourhood’s park was less than ten minutes away. It was small enough to look from one end to the other even at night. It was a large field, half playground, half neatly trimmed meadow, circled by a path that was framed by trees and bushes. Younger people would relax on the meadow during summer, children and their caretakers kept to the playground. There was always someone walking their dog all year around during the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, as it was deserted and surrounded by no other sound than the wind creeping through the trees, it seemed to be a lot bigger, almost spooky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god you’re living in a quiet neighbourhood,” Hinata muttered, clinging to the ball. “Who knows who we might run into otherwise. Or ghosts! Kageyama!” Hinata pulled his sleeve. “Are there any ghost legends for this park? The playground isn’t haunted, is it? Ghost children are the worst!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama pulled his arm free and gave him an annoyed look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, idiot.” He had Hinata’s phone in his pocket but even with it, he wasn’t in the mood to tick him off for being a baby that believed in ghost stories. His fingers were cold and stiff and he hoped he could stretch them enough to avoid jamming them. Otherwise, he might have been tempted to make a stupid story up just to tease Hinata. Then again, a high-strung Hinata shrieking because of a squirrel or a bat would alert the whole neighbourhood or worse, Hinata might cling to him and refuse to let go. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We should watch a horror movie once we get back. OR NOT! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Warm-up,” he signed and quickly jogged to the meadow where he began stretching. Hinata hurried after him to do the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hinata’s massage had done wonders to his leg. He still felt a slight pull of the muscle when he jumped but it should be fine. Despite trying his best with his hands, however, his fingers would get cold immediately and hurt at the impact with the ball. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, playing in the middle of the night was amazing. It was dry and the barrage of clouds was torn in several places, revealing the dark sky and white stars above them. There were only a few street lamps along the path and only half of them were on, illuminating only a small radius around the lamp with a warm, yellowish light. It was just enough to see Hinata’s silhouette dashing over the grass, chasing after the ball. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama focused his eyes on Hinata’s movements. He was barely able to see the ball, especially when it came back fast and several steps away from him because as usual, Hinata missed the mark more often than he hit it. He relied more on predicting the course of the ball from the way Hinata moved and on the sound than his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was difficult to make fast, precise tosses this way so he was going easier on Hinata than he liked to but it was still fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least he gets it most of the time even though his technique still sucks. But he is getting better.</span>
  </em>
  <span> A high ball came back and he resisted the impulse to spike it. He had tried to spike the first ball Hinata had returned and they both cowered in shock because it sounded like someone fired a cannon in the middle of the night. Sound travelled far in the cold, clear air and there wasn’t any other noise to dampen it. With heavy hearts, they agreed to just pass the ball back and forth. It was still loud enough when the ball hit Hinata’s arms but not as deafening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But yeah, still fun. His first passes were too short, followed by some that were too long. But his heart was hammering with excitement in his chest every time he touched the ball and bit by bit, his body remembered what it was supposed to do. The angle of his back, the tension of his shoulder muscles, how to tilt his wrists to relieve the impact pressure on the joints of his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than ten minutes had passed and the ball went where he wanted and he made a game of chasing Hinata around. He couldn’t see him jump but he was already happy to watch his quick reflexes. He didn’t have to see his face to sense Hinata’s sheer willpower. Kageyama wished he could tease him as he used to, to fire him up even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He still has a long way to go to play the ball where he wants it to go and to get difficult passes or spikes. But he is getting along. It’s almost like we’re playing during the day and not- </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That was it! That one thing that had puzzled him but that he had pushed aside because it wasn’t a bad feeling that he had. Hinata ran after the ball as soon as Kageyama sent it back. He didn’t need to observe the flight path. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he didn’t need to be told where it was going, or to be faster or fall back or come forward. That meant he kept a close eye on Kageyama, just like he kept on Hinata, and it was all he needed to know where he had to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If I don’t need a voice to tell him where the passes go when it’s dark, how will it be during the day? On an actual court? We can pull this off for real, can’t we?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The next ball came hard and fast and he didn’t see it until it almost hit his face. He stumbled backwards and shifted his body around just in time to receive the ball with his arms. It went back to Hinata but far above his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oops…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jerk!” Hinata yelled. He twisted on his heel to dash after the ball. He couldn’t get behind it so he dived after it. The ball hit his wrist but bounced off and rolled over the grass. Hinata crashed to the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow…” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! Are you okay?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kageyama ran over to him. When he reached him, Hinata had already sat up and inspected his knee. Kageyama squatted down to have a better look but it was too dark to tell if he was bleeding or if it was just grass and dirt sticking to the skin. He reached out to Hinata’s leg but before he touched it, Hinata’s weight pushed him on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumbass! You really can’t help it, can you? I should beat you up! For this and all the other times you sent me flying on my face!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama caught Hinata’s right fist and closed his hand around his left wrist. This was one of the many mock fights they had in the past. There was a good amount of force behind Hinata’s attack and Kageyama had to put in some effort to keep the attack at a stalemate, although there wasn’t enough strength involved to even leave a bruise if Hinata managed to actually hit him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was during one of those pretended fights between them when he became aware that the skin of another person was warm. That Hinata’s hands were warm. He suddenly became very aware that Hinata was above him, straddling him. Cheeks hot, he pushed him off and to his relief, Hinata rolled on his back, laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was fun!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kageyama stared at the sky. Distant stars blinked down at him. The ground under his back was cold and hard but his face felt like it was warmed by the sun. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah.</span>
  </em>
</p>
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